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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated at lack of care & thought

44 replies

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:09

I think I've fallen out with my neighbour, but we're still civil & polite but there's definitely been avoidance by her side (frankly it's a relief as she's very nosey).
Just bumped into her after dropping DD off at nursery, she asked where DD was, I explained, said the only nursery we could get was all year not term time only (as I'm a teacher) so we may aswell get our moneys worth as it costs us £10k/Yr for 3 days pw...blah blah and she replied "She may aswell be at home"!!! I explained that she has to go to nursery as I have to work to afford the bills, I have to pull in X to cover mortgage etc. I also have no family to help with DD so I never get a break or a rest, house is always tip because I'm full time mummy part time teacher and the only time I ever get are the school holidays where these 3 days DD goes to nursery that's has already been paid for.

I'd love to be a full time mum but simply can't afford it...but even then I think actually I need something for me as an escape so having a job also helps. I'm a better mother as a result. I mean if my parents lived around the corner life would be do different but they don't!

It already conflicts me to send DD off each morning but financially we have no choice and mentally I need the break!

DNeighbour grew up in an era when a family could be supported by 1 wage...we don't live in that era any more sadly and she's not a stupid woman so I've got very cross at being judged with such a stupid comment!

OP posts:
Tapasgoofy · 28/07/2023 10:12

You don’t even like her… why do you care what she says.

Slobberchops1 · 28/07/2023 10:13

Why are you even discussing it with her ? A simple she’s a nursery wold have done . No need to get into wages and why

Bonbon21 · 28/07/2023 10:14

Well she knows now!

AuntieDolly · 28/07/2023 10:14

You're massively over sharing - why are you telling her all that?

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:15

@AuntieDolly simply she asked? It's no secret how expensive nursery fees are, a simple Google search will show and I felt I had to justify.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 28/07/2023 10:16

You gave her far too much information.

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:16

To clarify I didn't tell her amounts I have to pull in, just said I have to work to cover mortgage etc

OP posts:
OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:18

Oooooh sorry you think I told her house is a tip, get no rest etc....no I just mentioned the financial reasons.

OP posts:
pwhesty · 28/07/2023 10:18

Not sure why you are bothered if it's someone you don't even like what does it matter what they say or think

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:20

@pwhesty I care too much. Always have. Character flaw. Way I was raised, who knows. Makes me a very conscientious person as a result though.

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 28/07/2023 10:22

Even mentioning the financial reasons wad oversharing. You're acting like you need her permission. It's interesting that you describe her as "nosy", when you give her so much information voluntarily.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/07/2023 10:22

You are giving her too much information! Just say ‘Oh, nursery. See you later-have a good day’

Dombasle · 28/07/2023 10:23

She is nothing more than a casual acquaintance.

You are not compelled to answer any questions or explain yourself to her.

A nod and a smile will suffice if you don't want to fall out with her and just go about your business without giving her a second thought.

JenniferBarkley · 28/07/2023 10:23

All you needed to say was that she's at nursery, no need to say anything else. You need to practise brushing her off if she's nosy!

Bspena · 28/07/2023 10:24

I am a teacher, I work three days a week and my child goes to nursery 4 days a week, couldn't care less what my neighbours think about that to be honest.

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:26

OK fair enough I'm an over sharer. I guess I just wanted her to understand as she openly judged why she wasn't at home with me whilst I'm on holiday.

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 28/07/2023 10:29

You don't know that you can decide to take what you've taken as open judgement as just something someone said for some reason and think no more about it?

Bspena · 28/07/2023 10:31

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:26

OK fair enough I'm an over sharer. I guess I just wanted her to understand as she openly judged why she wasn't at home with me whilst I'm on holiday.

Well you could invite her over for a cup of tea and explain all the details of your life and why this works best for you and hope that she changes her opinion to make you feel better - or - you could accept the fact she grew up in a different time, with different experiences and probably has no concept of what life is like currently with a small child and a full on job and just move on.

MNetcurtains · 28/07/2023 10:33

AuntieDolly · 28/07/2023 10:14

You're massively over sharing - why are you telling her all that?

This.

JenniferBarkley · 28/07/2023 10:34

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:26

OK fair enough I'm an over sharer. I guess I just wanted her to understand as she openly judged why she wasn't at home with me whilst I'm on holiday.

Big bright smile, she's at nursery, oh not it's working really well for us, she loves it, have a lovely day, see you later.

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 10:36

@Bspena just move on this is what im going to do, just wanted to vent whilst I had my coffee.

OP posts:
loislovesstewie · 28/07/2023 10:55

I wouldn't have told her anything; she has no right to know how you run your life.

2bazookas · 28/07/2023 11:00

The person being socially clumsy is you. You're over-sharing private stuff.

When passing neighbours ask "how are you? Where's your little girl?" it's not being nosey, it's just passing the time of day . They don't want to hear your entire medical history and childs daily routine.

" I'm fine, she's at nursery" is plenty.

If you didn't tell her your life story then she 'd have nothing to say about it.

OdFoDneighbour · 28/07/2023 11:13

@2bazookas she asked why...with a particular judgy sentiment...I responded. She's nosey about everything not just DD.

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 28/07/2023 11:19

I a teacher. I sent my dc in the holidays. It's a chance to relax and get jobs done that I don't get to do in term time. My dc even went on Christmas Eve. They had fun playing while I did boring wrapping and food prep. I refuse ever to feel guilty.