To be irritated at lack of care & thought

[OdFoDneighbour]

I think I've fallen out with my neighbour, but we're still civil & polite but there's definitely been avoidance by her side (frankly it's a relief as she's very nosey).
Just bumped into her after dropping DD off at nursery, she asked where DD was, I explained, said the only nursery we could get was all year not term time only (as I'm a teacher) so we may aswell get our moneys worth as it costs us £10k/Yr for 3 days pw...blah blah and she replied "She may aswell be at home"!!! I explained that she has to go to nursery as I have to work to afford the bills, I have to pull in X to cover mortgage etc. I also have no family to help with DD so I never get a break or a rest, house is always tip because I'm full time mummy part time teacher and the only time I ever get are the school holidays where these 3 days DD goes to nursery that's has already been paid for.

I'd love to be a full time mum but simply can't afford it...but even then I think actually I need something for me as an escape so having a job also helps. I'm a better mother as a result. I mean if my parents lived around the corner life would be do different but they don't!

It already conflicts me to send DD off each morning but financially we have no choice and mentally I need the break!

DNeighbour grew up in an era when a family could be supported by 1 wage...we don't live in that era any more sadly and she's not a stupid woman so I've got very cross at being judged with such a stupid comment!

There was literally no need though, and it doesn’t really make sense about why she’s no there now.
You chose to keep your DD in when you’re off. You don’t need to justify it, it’s your decision.
All you needed to say was ‘oh I’ve just dropped her off at nursery. Must go, bye neighbour!’

She is clearly someone you do not have anything in common with and who has a very different view of the world. So just stick to polite greetings and agreeing to take out each other's bins while on holiday and leave it at that.

I know people who say things like, "why even have a child if you're just going to work" but I am not friends with those people becuase clearly we do not have very basic things in common.

Sounds like you feel guilty for sending her to nursery whilst you're at home and your projecting this onto your neighbour!
Don't feel guilty, enjoy the peace

Just keep repeating "why do you ask?" to all her intrusive questions.

I think it's a bit weird to send your kid off to nursery when you dont need the childcare but understand you've paid for it and a break is always nice.

My neighbour is a secondary school teacher (in Ireland so 12 weeks off in the summer) and she drops her 2 year old to crèche at about 8am every day and collects her at around 5. She walks past my house and my kitchen is in the front so i see her. I think that's a bit mean and do kind of judge her.

I voted YABU because:

1. I can not for the life of me figure out why you care what a neighbour thinks of you.
2. I further struggle to fathom why you’ve explained yourself.

It literally does not mater what this woman thinks. How do you cope with feedback from lesson observations if you’re this hung up on a comment by someone who has absolutely no importance in your life.

You must worry an awful lot. Let it go, you’ll be a much happier person.

She's a nosy cow. Ignore her!

Nobody in my working class family has ever lived through that era, women have always contributed financially because there was no choice. It really isn’t new.

And I’m not a part time mum, my work puts food on the table and a roof over my child’s head. Being financially responsible for my child is a key part of being a parent.

I had a childminder when my two were small and she insisted I use her during the holidays (I was a teacher too) as I had paid for it. You are definitely over sharing with her and thus giving her ammunition to be judgy. As others have said, bright, breezy and vague is the way to go. It took me years to perfect that, so start now and you'll have it beat by retirement! 😂

I think you're projecting your slight discomfort at sending your child to nursery when you're at home and seeing offence where none was intended. "She might as well be at home" could mean anything. She didn't say "She should be at home", "You're a bad mother" nor "How selfish of you! That child will be harmed for life". What she said could have been intended to mean "Gosh didn't realise how expensive it was. It's hardly worth you going to work if most of your money is being eaten up by nursery fees". Any "tone" might have been her desperation to get away to turn the kettle off/go to the loo/make a phonecall/let the dog out. You are choosing to see her comment as judgmental but I highly doubt it was.

Surely the comment about “she may as well be home” was because you were home so nothing to do with you working?

you Seem to be looking for a reason to be annoyed when your the one who over shared

You told MN everything, justifying yourself. There was no need.

No idea why you feel the need to justify your actions or give her so much detail. She’s only the neighbour, not your mum.

Whatever happened to Womens Lib, womens' independence , letting it all hang out, women being strong,feisty, confident, independent of mens' approval or permission?

Fear of "being judged " by other women, is a modern affliction of women today. You're doing to yourselves.

"Sensitive", "people pleaser" , my arse.

Why? Why are you accountable to her? This is so weird.

I'm asked in my local shops "on your own today?" When I don't have my GC with me. My DD works because she wants to, before that I had them while she went to the gym/training. Some days she ate strawberries and watched crap on the telly. I think that your guilt is causing over sharing. Get more confident. You live differently to how she would, so what? Six weeks out of Nursery would be confusing.

Some people are horrified that you’d send your child to nursery three full days a week when you’re off purely to get your moneys worth. That’s the way you framed it.

(Nursery fees are usually a very reasonable hourly rate)

That’s fine and their opinion, you have a different opinion but it seems to have struck a nerve.

I'm an oversharer. I learnt to reined that in with neighbours. A lot of people will be selective in what they choose to 'hear' & a few month months later you'll find another neighbour has got a distorted , untrue version designed to make you look bad , and the original neighbour will use their version against you in future interactions or disagreements.

She sounds like a rude twat, I wouldn't have been justifying my famiy's choices re childcare to someone like that. Random rude neighbour's opinion doesn't matter. The end.