To cut contact with in-laws?

[Rufusroo]

DH has a twin brother who lives over 300 miles from us and due to having lots of animals (sheep, geese, turkeys, chickens plus four dogs and two cats) he finds it impossible to get a holiday unless myself or DH go and stay and look after everything. He occasionally reciprocates for us (we have three dogs). I had agreed to do it this year but three weeks before I was due to go there, my mother died and the funeral was to be held during that time. That wasn’t a problem as the funeral was 20 miles from them. Obviously, my adult children were also attending their DG’s funeral. DD and her family had a place to stay nearby so I asked if DS and DDIL could stay with me at the house (plenty of room). I was told no and was also told that the family as a whole were NOT to be at the house at all as it ‘would upset the animals’. I was a bit miffed to say the least but let it go and booked DS into a Travel Lodge around the corner.
on the day of the funeral DH left early to get back and feed the animals taking DS and DDIL with him as they had no transport. He took them back to the house for a cup of tea and to discuss how the funeral had gone. Bearing in mind that this was his twin brothers house and also my son’s uncle!
They FaceTimed TB to say hello and TB and SIL had a complete hissy fit and then sulked and wouldn’t speak or email me - not even to ask how the animals were. The day before they were due home they sent me an email ranting about how I had disobeyed their explicit instructions and how they were shocked that I had done this and how I had caused irreparable harm to their dogs and cat and how I needed to apologise and explain myself before our next meeting otherwise it would be ‘painful’!
I was so upset I ordered a taxi to collect me at 6am so that I didn’t have to see them (they got back in middle of the night)
Am I being unreasonable to cut all contact with them. DH agrees with me and is very upset with them on my behalf. My DC have visited with their uncle and aunt many times in the past so it was bizarre for them to be banned at such a sensitive time

I think you are absolutely right to cut contact. They sound incredibly self centered to rant at you like that just after your mothers funeral. Sorry for your loss.

I'm not sure why they emailed you.

Has your DH replied to say that a) you weren't there, and that he just called in with the DCs (who HAD stayed in a hotel) to give them a drink before they went back and b) that emailing you with this rant was both inappropriate and insensitive when you'd just been bereaved?

He could also ask them how the DCs having a cup of tea in the house irreparably damaged the animals.

...and not that you should have to, but I'd email them the receipt from the hotel.

Just wait until they contact you (or ask you to animal-sit again). Then say no and tell them that they are rude, inconsiderate, entirely lacking in empathy and entitled and you’d prefer it if they didn’t contact YOU. (*Makes them look nuts.)

Astonishingly cruel behaviour from your BIL- you’d continued with the pet sitting arrangements while suffering a devastating bereavement, and he harangued you about the feelings of the cats and dogs?

I would give them a wide berth for a while, and ensure nobody in your immediate family is available to pet sit again.

What has your husband said/done about this?

I don't understand why it wasn't cleared up over the FT call?

Also, were you there alone looking after the animals & your husband just turned up for your mum's funeral & helped out then as you obviously couldn't?

Yep. What a fool he is - he'll regret that stupid and irrational knee jerk. Let him find his help elsewhere in the future. 🌹

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss.
Secondly, regarding TB and wife, I would demand to know what irreparable damage was done to their pets? And how the pets were not irreparably damaged by previous visits?
I would sign off saying fuck you and your pets, never ask us to mind them in the future.