Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Given a breast pump-now she wants it back!

33 replies

Emz2987 · 27/07/2023 09:40

A friend gave me a breast pump last year, she didn’t need it anymore. But now is asking for it back to give to someone else.
I am still using it as I’m still breastfeeding my 1yo.
I’m a bit annoyed - AIBU? I’ll have to shell out for a new one for the last few months of breastfeeding. What would you say?

OP posts:

MRSDoos · 27/07/2023 09:45

I think your friend is being unreasonable. Of course it was nice of her to give you the breast pump as she no longer needed it, but after a year it’s basically yours now. It seems odd to me that she’s offered it to someone else.

I’m assuming you’ve told her that you’re still using it? What has she said to that?

If it helps you can borrow or hire breast pumps from most hospitals. But still, I probably would tell her you’ve been using it for a year and are still using it. You really appreciate her giving it to you. You wasn’t expecting her to need it back to offer to someone else after all this time though.

specky34 · 27/07/2023 11:07

It's very annoying and inconsiderate of her but as it's technically hers then I don't think there's much you can do. I hate this sort of thing, the uncertainty over whether or not something is being given or lent to. I once had it with a bunch of baby clothes that I presumed were being given to me. Lost some, threw some out when they got wrecked and then my friend asked for them all back!

I think you have to give her it back if she's insistent but I would let her know you're still using it first and see what she says. Maybe she assumed you'd finished with it?

Maddy70 · 27/07/2023 11:36

Ask her can you keep it for another month or so as it seems silly to have to buy one now.

Or see if you can get a second hand one

Peony654 · 27/07/2023 11:38

Have you said you are still using it? She may presume you aren’t. It is hers at the end of the day. You can easily rent one for a few months.

PerspiringElizabeth · 27/07/2023 11:40

PPs are saying it’s still the friend’s… IS it? OP opens with ‘friend gave me a breast pump’. Things I have given my friends are no longer mine.

LiloP · 27/07/2023 11:41

Bit ridiculous. Just say you are still using it and happy to pass it on when you are finished. Nobody ever asked things back from me that they gave me second hand.

caerdydd12 · 27/07/2023 11:42

Did she give you a breast pump or lend you a breast pump?

LiloP · 27/07/2023 11:42

Of course it’s not still the friend’s, it’s the OPs! I gave someone my baby bath last year, it’s not mine anymore!

Lolloped · 27/07/2023 11:48

Does the friend know it’s still being used? That’s what I would initially say. If she still really wanted it back I would return but I would make it clear I’ve had to buy another. You are no worse off than if you had originally bought one and at least you know you get on well with it.

MinnieMountain · 27/07/2023 11:50

If your friend said she didn’t need it any more, I take it that was a gift rather than a loan.

WaltzingWaters · 27/07/2023 11:51

Did she say she was lending it to you or did she just give it to you? I’ve given and lent stuff to a friend to use with her baby, but I’ve specifically said what it is she can have/throw out/give away when done with it, and what I want back when she’s finished with it as we plan to have another baby at some point.

Either way, make sure she knows you’re still using it and that you’d like to keep hold of it for another couple months if possible.

tootallfortheshelf · 27/07/2023 11:55

If she has given it to you without stating any caveats or conditions then she has relinquished it and she no longer has any say over what happens to it
I would tell her that I gave it to another friend or gave it to charity or something

Auntieofdragons · 27/07/2023 12:03

Out of interest, why do you still need it for a 1yo? Maybe your friend has assumed you don’t.

Mummy08m · 27/07/2023 12:15

Auntieofdragons · 27/07/2023 12:03

Out of interest, why do you still need it for a 1yo? Maybe your friend has assumed you don’t.

Odd comment. I kept using mine until my dd was gone 2. In fact I only really started using it when I returned to work when she was 11m. That's mostly what breast pumps are good for, expressing when you're away from your baby eg gone to work.

Op yanbu but I suppose you'll have to give it back with an eye roll. Fwiw I used a very cheap one once I went to work because I only used it to reduce engorgement at that point.

Unicorntastic · 27/07/2023 12:17

Say “ I’ll pass it on when I’ve finished using it”

InAWeeGeoffy · 27/07/2023 12:22

Auntieofdragons · 27/07/2023 12:03

Out of interest, why do you still need it for a 1yo? Maybe your friend has assumed you don’t.

Because lots of wee ones feed past the age of 6 months. It’s recommended to keep feeding ‘2 years and beyond’

Irridescantshimmmer · 27/07/2023 12:23

Just refuse anything she gives you in the future.

Ellie1015 · 27/07/2023 12:28

Surely she must have assumed you are no longer using it. I thought cows milk from 1 so i would have thought the same. Those who i know breast fed longer was directly from breast in morning and/or evening. I think it is an easy assumption to jump to. (Now reading these comments realise that it may he useful after 1).

If your friend means stop using my pump so i can give it to someone else then that is wrong.

soupmaker · 27/07/2023 12:36

Your friend must be assuming you've finished using it. I BF one of mine until 15 months but stopped pumping well before they were one as they got cows milk then if drinking out a cup.

Was it an expensive pump? If yes, I would assumed it was lent. If a cheap hand pump, given.

musicforthesoul · 27/07/2023 12:58

Seems odd unless she lent it to you originally rather than gave it to you?

Guess she's probably assuming you aren't using it any more. I'd just tell her I was still using it.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 27/07/2023 13:01

Well if she lent it to you, give it back.

Hazelnuttella · 27/07/2023 13:01

“Oh sorry, I’m still using it.
I thought you were giving it to me, if I’d realised you were just lending it to me I would have bought my own instead.”

Hopefully she’ll say to keep it…

MrsMiddleMother · 27/07/2023 13:05

Simply say you're still using it and will pass it back once you've stopped. I wouldn't give someone a cot then a year later ask for it back to give to someone else when it's still in use.

Hollyppp · 27/07/2023 13:19

Auntieofdragons · 27/07/2023 12:03

Out of interest, why do you still need it for a 1yo? Maybe your friend has assumed you don’t.

This is what I think too. She probably presumes you aren’t using it any more as most people stop pumping before 1

Original poster

Emz2987 · 27/07/2023 13:30

Thank you all, it was given, or so
I’d thought. Maybe that was the mistake there!
I need to pump when I am away from my son, to keep supply going. It’s not all the time but I do definitely need it.
She knows I’m still using it, but still wants it back to give to someone…. so I’ve just said - yes, I’ll buy another one 🤷🏼‍♀️
Cant help feeling like a bit of doormat, but what can you do eh!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2