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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my partner not wanting our child to go to a childminder?

61 replies

blahblahx · 26/07/2023 17:51

Hello,

I'm at my wits end so bare with me.

My child is 18 months and will be starting nursery when she is 2.5 years old. However, I am returning to some studies in September full time so I am wanting a childminder for 1 day a week until my studying is finished next July.

I've spoken to my partner about this and he is totally against it. He said he would watch our child while I study on the day of the childminder, but he works so I don't see how he would be able to manage this?

I need to study and I would like our child to have some interaction with other kids her age to get her ready for nursery next September. I have met the childminder and she is brilliant, has all her Ofsted certificates, insured, first aid trained etc, and I've heard nothing but good words said about her. The other kids she minds absolutely adore her.

Is my partner being too hasty? Do I try convince him it's for the best, or just wait until our child is in nursery next year and I try study while caring for him?

OP posts:
RegainingTheWill2023 · 26/07/2023 19:50

Anothernamethesamegame · 26/07/2023 19:42

Personally I’d agree to this. I’d just be very clear that the one day a week is his responsibility to manage. You won’t be stepping in if he needs to work.
fine if he wants to have time with his child rather than put them with a child minder, so long as he accepts responsibility completely for Managing her care that day of the week.

presumably he can care for her safely?!

Show quote history

We don't know he can do that when he's not working.

But regardless, it is not a suitable arrangement. I don't care what his job is, he can't adequately care for a toddler at the same time.

Monkeylimas · 26/07/2023 19:54

Take him up on it and leave the house from 8 until 6. Do not plan lunch or dinner etc. If he changes his mind let him sort the childminder. Start on the right path or he’ll make suggestions which only end up inconveniencing you.

Goldbar · 26/07/2023 20:08

I would book the childminder and say yes to him. He'll cave quite quickly. I'd give him a couple of days, and he'll say he can't do it anymore. I wouldn't lose the place if the childminder is good.

Anothernamethesamegame · 26/07/2023 20:11

RegainingTheWill2023 · 26/07/2023 19:50

We don't know he can do that when he's not working.

But regardless, it is not a suitable arrangement. I don't care what his job is, he can't adequately care for a toddler at the same time.

Show quote history

if he can’t adequately work on the day he has the toddler then that’ll be his issue to sort won’t it. I would only agree to the arrangement on the understanding of childcare is needed he will need to arrange it.

If Op is worried that he won’t provide safe car then there is an issue way bigger than this one day/child minder issue. If that’s the case I’d break up with him and book the childminder.

Mayhem3 · 26/07/2023 20:19

I know lots of parents who would not send their young child to a child minder.

Have you asked whether he’d feel more comfortable with a nursery instead?

If he’s willing to drop a day to look after the baby then I’d let him but explain that if it doesn’t work (aka if he has an ‘important’ meeting to get to) you will have to get a childminder instead.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/07/2023 20:43

FOJN · 26/07/2023 18:11

No, that's the day HE sorts the childminder.

OP is trying to make plans now to ensure he can work and she can study, he doesn't like her solution. We can all see his suggestion is unlikely to work but it's HIS problem now, not OP's.

Show quote history

That's not how man works he will strop and get fussy over him going to work and how important it is and op will be left to find childminder. Man loves to F&$K about with women and their future plans.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/07/2023 20:50

Rainiestsummer · 26/07/2023 19:32

So he has offered an alternative (he looks after the child) but the Op is jumping straight to her looking after him while studying - why not let him try it and I imagine he will soon rue the day - at which point, get the childminder.
Though I don't think toddlers need to go somewhere else to "prepare" for nursery, unless they never meet any other children at groups etc.

The very likely issue is that the childminder will probably be full by that time and OP will be left scrambling around for last minute childcare.

LindorDoubleChoc · 26/07/2023 20:54

How does studying full time but only having childcare one day a week work?

camtsaywho · 26/07/2023 21:03

... let him crack on but DO NOT do your study at home !! Take yourself to the local library, park or coffee shop. Because we ALL know that he will have 'super important work call ' on an almost half hourly basis that means your 'much less important' study will take second place ..

He will last two days and be begging for a child minder ..

jannier · 26/07/2023 21:33

Do a dummy run a few days this week and leave the house.

MinnieMountain · 27/07/2023 09:44

Speaking as one of the many who had an infant school age child at home whilst WFH during COVID, there’s no way he can look after a toddler and do his job properly.

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