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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think employers wanting us to bring our whole selves to work is actually a very sinister idea?

177 replies

ScreamingBeans · 26/07/2023 17:21

No. I don't want to bring my whole self to work and I don't want my colleagues to either.

The man who worked at the NSPCC who brought his whole self to work by wearing his leather fetish gear and masturbating in the toilet and then uploading it to a website, should have left that part of himself at home. I hope that any colleagues of mine who share his habits will not accept my employer's invitation to bring their whole selves to work, I want them to leave that bit of themselves firmly behind their own front doors.

The sinister bit is that if you want people to bring their whole selves to work, then that means you need to employ people who think and act in a way that you as an employer find conducive. So you won't employ anyone who disagrees with you politically, religiously or philosophically, because their opinions won't align with your values. And you will then be justified in doing something which trade unionists fought tooth and nail to make illegal - blacklist workers who don't share your politics and viewpoint.

I don't care what people do or believe outside work as long as they do the bloody job competently and professionally in work and keep their unacceptable beliefs or behaviour to themselves. I don't want interviews and other employment processes to start becoming tools to weed out people with the wrong political views - now called "values" - instead of the tools to find the best person for the job regardless of their sex, race, religion, disability status, political beliefs etc.

Employers are beginning to take back the rights they used to have, to blacklist workers with unacceptable political or ideological views and it's being done under the guise of employing the sort of people who have "our values" IE the same opinions as the employer.

Shouldn't trades unionists be alarmed about this?

OP posts:
Crossinsomekindaline · 26/07/2023 17:24

It's quite terrifying. I wouldn't hesitate to call it out too. Luckily my very large and well known quasi-public employer hasn't jumped on this bandwagon just yet.

I'm watching and waiting though.

Whataretheodds · 26/07/2023 17:30

I don't want to bring my whole self to work and don't want my colleagues to either.

I want to be able to keep some aspects of my life private and not have it all on display. And we need amenable, professional work environments.

However, where the phrase comes from in is in response to people feeling the need to hide eg their homosexuality from their colleagues, inventing opposite-sex spouses. No-one should have to feel that at work.

Archeron · 26/07/2023 17:30

As a society we happily managed for years with the idea that you have to be professional at work and your private life is private. It allowed everyone equal access to jobs. This “bring your whole self” thing is causing a lot of more conservative employers to reject applicants for personal reasons.

DH’s employer (large company) has an unspoken policy about only employing people who “match our company values” and “won’t cause trouble”. DH is involved in hiring and has frequently told me how he’s had to reject competent candidates for their personal beliefs. Because basically they don’t want any trouble.

takealettermsjones · 26/07/2023 17:35

Whataretheodds · 26/07/2023 17:30

I don't want to bring my whole self to work and don't want my colleagues to either.

I want to be able to keep some aspects of my life private and not have it all on display. And we need amenable, professional work environments.

However, where the phrase comes from in is in response to people feeling the need to hide eg their homosexuality from their colleagues, inventing opposite-sex spouses. No-one should have to feel that at work.

This.

I agree that nobody should be forced to hide who they are but the answer to that is not forced sharing. I hate the sort of team building where that happens, and always opt out.

Reugny · 26/07/2023 17:39

Archeron · 26/07/2023 17:30

As a society we happily managed for years with the idea that you have to be professional at work and your private life is private. It allowed everyone equal access to jobs. This “bring your whole self” thing is causing a lot of more conservative employers to reject applicants for personal reasons.

DH’s employer (large company) has an unspoken policy about only employing people who “match our company values” and “won’t cause trouble”. DH is involved in hiring and has frequently told me how he’s had to reject competent candidates for their personal beliefs. Because basically they don’t want any trouble.

Your DH employer needs to be careful as they risk being sued. It is likely to be someone of a religious persuasion as some religious groups like taking things to Court.

As long as your beliefs mean you aren't a supporter or member of a banned organisation then you aren't doing anything illegal.

Sapphire387 · 26/07/2023 17:44

I work for a trade union. I haven't yet seen this play out in practice, perhaps because of the sectors I work with.

I'm not concerned at the moment but would definitely take it on a case by case basis... would be curious to see how this could be 'enforced'.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 17:46

This reply has been deleted

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PurpleChrayne · 26/07/2023 17:48

It's awful sinister stuff. Couched in queer theory, quel surprise.

Neekoh · 26/07/2023 17:50

It's sinister, absolutely. Even at the best possible side of the spectrum it's obnoxious as hell.

LlynTegid · 26/07/2023 17:52

I don't find it sinister, just a stupid phrase no doubtless dreamed up by some expensive consultant that has caught on.

I want to keep work and home life separate. I had a work colleague who for years did not want others to know about her relationship with a woman, and that was her choice which was and should always be respected.

99point6 · 26/07/2023 17:52

Only certain types can bring their whole self's, the rest of us stay in our boxes.
There was a blog about this recently in Civil Service.

StGertrude · 26/07/2023 17:53

Yay, a bandwagon!

I fucking hope my company don't do this.

Mummy08m · 26/07/2023 17:53

Yanbu and I just think it's so obvious.

I'm a teacher - when I'm at home, I swear, I have sex with my husband, I have strong political and moral opinions, I play a lot of video games, I drink alcohol (when not pg)... I absolutely do not bring any of these parts of my "self" to work. In fact I bring basically nothing to work except the teaching side of me.

I know being a teacher is an extreme example but I'd say the same is true of basically any job. I don't need to know about my midwife's/postman's/bus driver's personal life, sex life, or political views.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 26/07/2023 17:54

My daughter has started applying for part time jobs and is dismayed that there are questions about sexuality to apply for jobs. She doesn't understand why who she's attracted to is anyone's business but her own, and as a lesbian with clear boundaries on being same sex attracted feels the attention is intrusive at best.

I've explained equalities monitoring and how it's useful to her, but she's not declaring it at all to any potential employers.

I wholeheartedly agree that no one should feel the need to hide a perfectly reasonable aspect of their lives, whether that's sexual orientation, religious beliefs, disability just for starters...however forcing people to be open about things they'd rather keep private cannot possibly work to the advantage of the company. Add in how uncomfortable it makes people to be unwilling participants in other people's fetishes like Bob in IT likes to wear bra's under his shirt, or Jane in HR is a furry and it's a toxic mix.

The 'bring your whole-self to work' message needs a massive re-work because it really isn't working for people who aren't exhibitionists/activists.

kraftyKitten · 26/07/2023 17:54

Nope . They are getting my work face . My private life belongs to me . I work to live .

pottydimley · 26/07/2023 17:55

Couldn't agree more.

AgentProvocateur · 26/07/2023 17:55

Yeah, I don’t want to see anyone’s “authentic self” at work. I just want them to turn up, do their job and go home.

SunnieShine · 26/07/2023 17:56

kraftyKitten · 26/07/2023 17:54

Nope . They are getting my work face . My private life belongs to me . I work to live .

Me, too.

Hedonism · 26/07/2023 17:57

No no no, I take my work self to work. Just like I take my pub self to the pub and leave my work self at the office.

FrivolousTreeDuck · 26/07/2023 17:57

They only want you to bring your 'whole self' in if your 'whole self' fits in with what they see as fashionable. They are quick to complain if your 'whole self' is actually an anti-social recluse, for example.

Dontcallmescarface · 26/07/2023 17:58

If I brought my "whole self" to work I'd be fired after 10 minutes tops. My "whole self" doesn't tolerate idiots and management toadies as well as my work self seems to.

JFDIYOLO · 26/07/2023 17:59

Our former CEO used to say that - he had pronouns in bio and championed Stonewall. The new one hasn't put hers in her email signature ... Yet ...

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 26/07/2023 18:00

DH is involved in hiring and has frequently told me how he’s had to reject competent candidates for their personal beliefs.

How does he know candidates' personal beliefs? He shouldn't be asking, and they shouldn't be talking about their personal beliefs at interview.

TheKeatingFive · 26/07/2023 18:03

Absofuckinglutely

Same for sexual fetishes just generally. Whatever you want to do with consenting adults in the privacy of your own home is up to you, but I do not see how it benefits society to put this on display as part of pride.

TheKeatingFive · 26/07/2023 18:04

They only want you to bring your 'whole self' in if your 'whole self' fits in with what they see as fashionable. They are quick to complain if your 'whole self' is actually an anti-social recluse, for example.

Quite