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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think employers wanting us to bring our whole selves to work is actually a very sinister idea?

177 replies

ScreamingBeans · 26/07/2023 17:21

No. I don't want to bring my whole self to work and I don't want my colleagues to either.

The man who worked at the NSPCC who brought his whole self to work by wearing his leather fetish gear and masturbating in the toilet and then uploading it to a website, should have left that part of himself at home. I hope that any colleagues of mine who share his habits will not accept my employer's invitation to bring their whole selves to work, I want them to leave that bit of themselves firmly behind their own front doors.

The sinister bit is that if you want people to bring their whole selves to work, then that means you need to employ people who think and act in a way that you as an employer find conducive. So you won't employ anyone who disagrees with you politically, religiously or philosophically, because their opinions won't align with your values. And you will then be justified in doing something which trade unionists fought tooth and nail to make illegal - blacklist workers who don't share your politics and viewpoint.

I don't care what people do or believe outside work as long as they do the bloody job competently and professionally in work and keep their unacceptable beliefs or behaviour to themselves. I don't want interviews and other employment processes to start becoming tools to weed out people with the wrong political views - now called "values" - instead of the tools to find the best person for the job regardless of their sex, race, religion, disability status, political beliefs etc.

Employers are beginning to take back the rights they used to have, to blacklist workers with unacceptable political or ideological views and it's being done under the guise of employing the sort of people who have "our values" IE the same opinions as the employer.

Shouldn't trades unionists be alarmed about this?

OP posts:
CampervanKween · 26/07/2023 18:04

When I interview candidates I filter out all those with preferred pronouns. They don't even make the interview stage 😅

DrinksAnxiety · 26/07/2023 18:10

What a load of shit.

When I’m at work I want to work alongside people who are competent, and friendly, and who can work in a team. I don’t care what they do at home, or their sexual orientation. I just don’t care. I don’t want to know. It’s just more bullshit.

Brk · 26/07/2023 18:22

I have no idea where this concept came from. When I got my first job in the City it was very clear to everyone that your real personality stays at home and that at work you are to wear a suit, be professional, pretend to admire senior leadership, be interested in the clients’ opinions, etc etc. Everywhere I’ve worked since has had that same expectation.

If I brought my whole self to work I’d have been wearing PJs and reading romance novels at my desk while saying “you’re boring, sod off” to anyone who spoke to me.

Morewineplease10 · 26/07/2023 18:24

Pretty sure my manager wishes I'd bring less of myself to work already!

I think some clarity around 'whole self' I'd required!

VaddaABeetch · 26/07/2023 18:28

My true or whole self would stay in pjs & drink tea all day.

Ive encountered senior managers at work furious because employees didn’t want to wear rainbow lanyards. I’m be had gender training that said if you like Lego & maths you’re a boy. If you like pink & dolls you’re a girl. This is a STEM organisation. Also that human beings can be born in the wrong body. iIn the training were 2 individuals who are disabled from birth. They asked if they were born in the wrong body.

Echobelly · 26/07/2023 18:29

Uh - I think you perhaps protest a bit too much. It's just a buzzword, it doesn't mean that much in practice.

There's a very clear path where it came from - trying to improve workplaces for people other than default humans, ie letting people know they could be 'out', letting parents know they can talk about their kids, letting people with invisible disabilities talk about them if they needed to etc. How it may work in practice is another matter and if there's any problem with it I'd say that it's probably badly supported and people end up suffering for totally reasonably being themselves. But it seems I'm in the minority here, so hey.

Hufflemuff · 26/07/2023 18:33

You're reading too much into this...

coxesorangepippin · 26/07/2023 18:34

Absolutely agree with the op

I want to toe the line at work and be professional, and expect others to do the same

willingtolearn · 26/07/2023 18:34

@Echobelly I found your post interesting. I might not agree but I'm glad you provided a different perspective to think about/explore.

BMIwoes · 26/07/2023 18:35

I agree, it's gone too far. I used to work for a large very woke corporation and we had to do a post-restructure ice breaker exercise. The task - tell the group where you were born, where you grew up and about the biggest challenge you faced in childhood. As someone who had a chaotic and very difficult upbringing which I would only talk about with close friends, I found this so distressing. I just lied, which of course defeats the object. I'm sure I can't be the only one who felt like that. I don't know what the facilitator was thinking. It was all about being open and supporting each other etc etc, but so forced. Awful.

TeenLifeMum · 26/07/2023 18:37

I think people should bring their professional selves to work! One member of my team brings her whole nasty bullying self to work and it’s not okay!

Emmamoo89 · 26/07/2023 18:39

YANBU

elodiedie · 26/07/2023 18:39

Bring your whole self has gone too far of it included wearing fetish gear. In my work place we have gay employees, devout Muslim employees and even an evangelical Christian, we have women who had arranged marriages as teenagers to much older men. Nobody hides their home life or religion, as it should be, but we don’t try to impose views on other people or judge their circumstances. We rub along respectfully while being aware that we probably hold very different values in some areas. That is irrelevant to doing our job well, and in fact the company really benefits from having people from different backgrounds.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 18:42

Whataretheodds · 26/07/2023 17:30

I don't want to bring my whole self to work and don't want my colleagues to either.

I want to be able to keep some aspects of my life private and not have it all on display. And we need amenable, professional work environments.

However, where the phrase comes from in is in response to people feeling the need to hide eg their homosexuality from their colleagues, inventing opposite-sex spouses. No-one should have to feel that at work.

I can understand the history of it as regards LGB but as long as no pressure is put on a colleague to out themselves . I would be concerned about that. Because it's no body's business and no one should be discriminated against on grounds on their sexual inclinations, there are laws about that in place already .

surely people just need not be jerks to their colleagues?

countrygirl99 · 26/07/2023 18:42

One place I worked had a thing about "bring your passion to work". It led to a lot of sniggering as everyone was aware 2 senior managers definitely did.

Mummy08m · 26/07/2023 18:46

countrygirl99 · 26/07/2023 18:42

One place I worked had a thing about "bring your passion to work". It led to a lot of sniggering as everyone was aware 2 senior managers definitely did.

Omg don't get me started about the misuse of the word passion these days - I help with ucas applications at my school and if I had a penny for every time I read the word on a university application personal statement...

"I have a passion for engineering". "I am passionate about ancient history" No my friend you do not and you are not. It doesn't literally raise your heart rate or make you feel aroused. I see it as such an incongruously sexual word, it jumps from the page every time! I always cross it out for "enthusiasm" or similar

Grendalsmum · 26/07/2023 18:47

I work in customer service. They basically pay me NOT to bring my whole self anywhere near the front desk or the phones ...

50450750q · 26/07/2023 18:48

CampervanKween · 26/07/2023 18:04

When I interview candidates I filter out all those with preferred pronouns. They don't even make the interview stage 😅

Glad I don't work for you.

TheKeatingFive · 26/07/2023 18:49

Omg don't get me started about the misuse of the word passion these days

I know, right?

Cant we just do our jobs to a reasonable standard, not be jerks to our colleagues and go home?

what's wrong with that?

Ponderingwindow · 26/07/2023 18:53

It’s absolutely terrifying.

bring your whole self, but not really. There is a clear set of acceptable ways to be, acceptable things to think, and even acceptable ways to spend your free time at most companies.

It’s all a show. It used to be people just hid themselves and everyone accepted that we hid ourselves. Now we pretend to show ourselves, while we bite our tongues and make sure we don’t violate any of the unwritten rules that still exist.

If anything, I think it’s worse now. Getting fired before, you could move to a new company, or at worst a new city and start over. Now if your transgression from the current order makes it online, you can become completely unemployable.

Mummy08m · 26/07/2023 18:54

On a sort of related note, I had a mini rant in the office the other day, prompted by the expectation that we "continually improve" and this expectation is seen in appraisals etc. (Maybe it's a teaching thing? Is this an expectation elsewhere?)

I'm a totally decent teacher, experienced, in a very shortage subject. I have no desire whatsoever to be perfect, the best, or even be promoted. I basically never get negative feedback any more, from any direction. And yet I'm expected to improve continually. Why?! Why can't I carry on, being adequate? Isn't continual improvement unsustainable, just practically speaking? Why is being merely adequate, inadequate? Grrr

elastamum · 26/07/2023 18:57

My whole self is a middle aged cynic who swears a lot. Definitely best left at home.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 18:58

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 26/07/2023 17:54

My daughter has started applying for part time jobs and is dismayed that there are questions about sexuality to apply for jobs. She doesn't understand why who she's attracted to is anyone's business but her own, and as a lesbian with clear boundaries on being same sex attracted feels the attention is intrusive at best.

I've explained equalities monitoring and how it's useful to her, but she's not declaring it at all to any potential employers.

I wholeheartedly agree that no one should feel the need to hide a perfectly reasonable aspect of their lives, whether that's sexual orientation, religious beliefs, disability just for starters...however forcing people to be open about things they'd rather keep private cannot possibly work to the advantage of the company. Add in how uncomfortable it makes people to be unwilling participants in other people's fetishes like Bob in IT likes to wear bra's under his shirt, or Jane in HR is a furry and it's a toxic mix.

The 'bring your whole-self to work' message needs a massive re-work because it really isn't working for people who aren't exhibitionists/activists.

Exactly.

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 18:59

We are already seeing banks cancel clients for religious beliefs. That's bad enough .

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 26/07/2023 19:00

They obviously went in for this concept in a big way at Coutts. Time for a rethink, maybe.