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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry about Manager threatening me?

47 replies

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 09:32

My manager received an email accidentally from a HR representative, who had asked me to write an email detailing what type of treatment I was enduring in this toxic work environment.

The manager told me that she had seen the email and issued what I considered a subtle threat. She said that she gets satisfaction knowing that people who mess with her at work will be dealt with differently outside of work and there's nothing anyone can do.

She has form for being aggressive. When she found out someone else had complained about her she was saying things like I just want to throw something at somebody.

She is one of a group of bullies at work who "research" people every evening.

AIBU unreasonable to consider this a threat?

OP posts:
123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 26/07/2023 10:09

Just WOW, I cannot believe she is in a Managers position. How did she see this email? Did HR send it accidently to her or did she access your emails. I would be going straight to HR and asking to record the conversation and advise you would be considering going to the police. This is really serious. Make sure you are documenting as much as you can outside of work as well.

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 10:17

She received it accidentally from a HR representative, as I queried it.

I'm a glad you don't think I am over reacting, because I have had enough.

The people who become managers her largely do so because of who they know. Not on merit or education.

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 26/07/2023 10:19

I think you need to go and see HR immediately and have no further contact with your boss until you do.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 26/07/2023 10:21

She's played into your hands really then. You can tell HR exactly what she said to you, and as a result of their breach of confidentiality you are now being threatened and a bad situation has been made worse. Get lots of evidence op, print off the emails and any other correspondence in case you need it at a later date.

Inc0gn1to · 26/07/2023 10:34

Just to add - check your whistleblowing policy. You are effectively calling out bullying/inappropriate behaviour and should be protected as a result.

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 10:34

The problem is they use things like; "I don't recall you telling me that;" "As I didn't hear the conversation, I don't know what was said,"

The more senior manager knows what is happening but lies about everything. She wants to always keep things informal, so that she can lie. I followed up with an email on one occasion m, so she can't dispute the last time I had to tell her about threats I'd received, whilst just trying to do my job.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 26/07/2023 10:35

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 10:34

The problem is they use things like; "I don't recall you telling me that;" "As I didn't hear the conversation, I don't know what was said,"

The more senior manager knows what is happening but lies about everything. She wants to always keep things informal, so that she can lie. I followed up with an email on one occasion m, so she can't dispute the last time I had to tell her about threats I'd received, whilst just trying to do my job.

She "researches" you? Lock down your SM and go to HR as pp outlined above

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 10:36

They also say "well you have no witnesses to corroborate" etc.

OP posts:
sinceysign · 26/07/2023 10:40

They "research" everyone they said. It's locked down but I can tell from comments that they have been doing that to me.

Another new colleague has confided in me that she is getting unwelcome behaviour. She described similar behaviour to what they did to me when so was new. This involves a different manager in the same group of terrorisers.

OP posts:
sinceysign · 26/07/2023 10:45

Inc0gn1to · 26/07/2023 10:34

Just to add - check your whistleblowing policy. You are effectively calling out bullying/inappropriate behaviour and should be protected as a result.

Yeah they are trying to nitpick my work to get me out on "performance," line they did to my former colleague who complained about bullying.

OP posts:
Spottypineapple · 26/07/2023 10:52

Make sure you include that in the detail about the toxic work environment.

MathiasBroucek · 26/07/2023 11:01

It sounds like you need a new job.... (easy to say, I know)

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 11:04

I am not feeling well. I feel overwhelmed, but if I go to the doctor and ask for leave they will just terminate me, as I am still in probation.

OP posts:
renamedbutsame · 26/07/2023 11:06

why are you in such a shit????? leave. keep leaving until you find a normal gathering of people , yes, with various characters but not that type of evil

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 11:07

Yes I need a new job.

Would you just leave and not go through with the grievance?

OP posts:
24Dogcuddler · 26/07/2023 11:15

Is it a no union organisation?
If there is one you can join do so asap. ACAS might have useful info on their site.
HR have made a terrible situation much worse which is horrendous.

HakunaMatiÅ‚da · 26/07/2023 11:24

Before you do anything more, look up your whistleblowing policies.

It seems that HR are in cahoots with your LM

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 11:28

Sounds terrifying. I would pass on all info to HR by leave straight away. The situation is too toxic to be resolved, I think.

poetryandwine · 26/07/2023 11:29

If you are still on probation then how likely do you think it is that they will keep you on? Why would you even want to stay? The place sounds toxic.

I would be trying my best to get another job

RegimentalSturgeon · 26/07/2023 11:34

HR is there to protect the employer, not the employee. Never imagine they are on your side.

greyhairnomore · 26/07/2023 11:51

Is it worth it ? Can you afford to leave and look for another job?

ItsNotRocketSalad · 26/07/2023 11:54

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 11:07

Yes I need a new job.

Would you just leave and not go through with the grievance?

If you can afford it, yes. There's clearly no future at this shitshow of a company and the cost to your wellbeing isn't worth the hassle.

Stephisaur · 26/07/2023 12:25

I would start recording any interaction you have with your boss. It's easy to do through a voice memo app (iphones have one as standard). On iPhone you can even set it to start recording by tapping the back of the phone 3 times, which I did when dealing with an abusive member of staff so as not to arouse suspicion.

I would also be looking for a new job though, if possible.

sinceysign · 26/07/2023 12:56

I don't have any intention of staying, however I am loathe to leave without detailing my grievances. Protected character issues involved.By leaving I will be losing a sought after contract, that I will unlikely find again. It feels so unfair.

I know that HR are there to protect the employer, but unfortunately for them a former colleague put in a grievance after she left and the grievance is now in the hands of the company's legal team. Involved protected characteristics and harassment. You can see that this has unnerved them.

OP posts:
vivaespanaole · 26/07/2023 13:00

Is it possible HR are part of it?

It seems very convenient for them to have 'accidentally' cc'd this manager in.

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