To worry about Manager threatening me?

[sinceysign]

My manager received an email accidentally from a HR representative, who had asked me to write an email detailing what type of treatment I was enduring in this toxic work environment.

The manager told me that she had seen the email and issued what I considered a subtle threat. She said that she gets satisfaction knowing that people who mess with her at work will be dealt with differently outside of work and there's nothing anyone can do.

She has form for being aggressive. When she found out someone else had complained about her she was saying things like I just want to throw something at somebody.

She is one of a group of bullies at work who "research" people every evening.

AIBU unreasonable to consider this a threat?

sinceysign What outcome do you want from going through the grievance process? It's important to decide that, and also how far you're willing to go. Employment tribunals are incredibly stressful and even when the employee wins, they often come out of it wishing they'd never started.

I'm not trying to put you off. Of course standing up to discrimination is the right thing to do. But it's also okay to put your wellbeing first if it becomes too stressful.

Lots of people seem to think this. Could definitely be possible. I think it may have happened due to being in an email chain where things were being forwarded.

@ItsNotRocketSalad I would like one of them in particular to lose her job for the discrimination.

In the other grievance HR have put it in the company's legal teams hands. What could this mean?

That’s is a threat and as well as complaining at work if it’s a physical threat you can and should consider contacting the police

YANBU. definitely find another job. Sorry you're going through this. X

Put in a grievance.

I'd do a subject accessory request. All data pertaining to you. That includes your name.

Maybe GDPR regarding accidental email forwarded.

Also contact ACAS for advice.

Agree with @Ep1cfail and I’d also consider logging the threat with the police. Remember they are only people it’s just work and they have no right to treat people in this way, don’t let it get to you but I know from experience it’s not easy.
Record everything and refuse any meetings unless you have someone with you that you trust as a witness. Why on Earth businesses bring people in to treat them like crap for them to leave as early as probation is beyond me. Good luck!

Should I ask HR for the policy?

Do you think the whistleblowing changes things?

@ItsNotRocketSalad I agree that tribunals are stressful. I saw every dirty trick in the book used by management and HR when I decided to take my grievance to tribunal (protected characteristics here too). They threatened me, called me a stupid girl (I was in my early 40s at the time, so hardly a girl!) and we're obstructive at every turn. You have to find your anger. Mine crystallised when I discovered that my boss (subject of the complaint) had been joking with his boss (grade A cunt - well both of them were) that hopefully the problem would be solved by my depression being so bad that I killed myself. They took me right up to the line then settled in my favour the day before the tribunal (I was told by someone with employment law experience that this is very common and a surprising number of cases are actually settled on the day just before the tribunal starts!).
OP nothing is worth this. You do need a new job, and to consider if you think the tribunal route is worth it. My tribunal took nearly 18 months of my life, but their actions had made me too ill to work for much of that time. However, it was worth it.

@sinceysign what does researching people every evening mean? 🤔

Oh and I think you should seriously consider reporting the threats to the police.

I suspect it means stalking them online.

Wow what an evil thing to say. I am glad you won. Could you describe the dirty tricks they tried to do? I know that is what this company will do, as I have already had a taste of it. Did you have anyone willing to be a witness for you? I won't!

I usually would just up and leave, but because I am losing out quite significantly I'm not sure I want to let them get away with it.

With regards to the threat, I think it may be too indirect and subtle to report?

@HundredMilesAnHour Yes exactly that, and anyone else connected to you too.

@sinceysign It's nearly 20 years ago now, but lots of paperwork going "missing", trying to arrange meetings at extremely short notice then branding me obstructive when I couldn't do them because my union rep wasn't available at such short notice. Harassing me at home when I was off sick by phoning every day. I knocked that on the head with the help of my union rep and my extremely helpful and sympathetic doctor, and eventually my brilliant psychiatric social worker (I had a severe breakdown as a result of all of this). I didn't have any witnesses, and former colleagues were threatened with disciplinary action if they spoke to me. It was my GP and social worker who helped the most, but work hated their involvement and tried to block it at every turn.
The case turned on a crucial and damning piece of evidence that only I had and that my boss was desperate to get hold of, to the extent that I had several copies of it in safe places as I was genuinely afraid that an attempt would be made to steal it (he kept trying to insist on meetings taking place at my home which was never going to happen).
My wonderful social worker tore him to shreds - I still smile when I think of her long pause after another round of bullshit from my boss, before saying "well Mr xxxx, from the string of untruths that you've just come out with, I can only conclude that you are either incredibly stupid, or a pathological liar!" There was an audible gasp from the others in the room!
I learned not to trust anything that was said, they lied about everything, even silly, provable lies. Looking back, I think they knew that they had no chance of winning the case so tried to get me to resign or as it felt at the time, to destroy me. I was told by an employment lawyer that they would be laughed out of the tribunal, and I think they knew that too as they offered a very generous settlement the day before the tribunal.
It's not an easy route, I have to say. I was already ill by the time I brought the case, so in some ways felt I had nothing to lose, then finding out about the "hope she kills herself " comment meant the gloves were off as far as I was concerned. Knowing that he didn't know that I knew he'd made such an evil "joke" somehow gave me a lot of strength in dealing with him.

Write down what she said and go to HR.

HR sound as bad as your LM.
What sort of organisation is it, it appears that the few levels above you are corrupt and bullying but what above them?

If they arent likely to keep you on following probation then I would be inclined to email much higher up and let them know what is happening in their company, recruitment and staff retention problems mean they are hemorrhaging money when they just need to get rid of the bully and a culture change at your level. Undercover boss used to be a fab show and although parts were dramatised I'm sure many seemed genuinely shocked at the goings on within their companies.

@sinceysign And just to add, I think it was a game of nerves. Right up to the last minute. On the day they settled I got a message via a third party (by that time communication had completely broken down) asking me if I still intended to be at the tribunal the following day, and that for the sake of my mental health it still wasn't too late to pull out! This was a bit rich seeing as they had shown no concern whatsoever for my health at any time during this whole process. When I replied that I was definitely going to be there, they came back with a settlement within the hour.

@sinceysign Just thought of another trick they used to pull, changing the venue of a meeting ten minutes before it was due to happen with some implausible excuse, meaning I'd have to rush across town, arriving late and stressed. This happened so often I could only assume it was a deliberate tactic to cause anxiety and stress, and my union rep said she had come across this tactic before.

Oh my gosh they did this to my former colleague. I think it is because they didn't want the person that she was bringing to be able to go with her!

Wow these people are disgusting. I am so glad you stood up to them. I think when you have truth in your side, it gives you an edge and the type of confidence you need to carry on. I do think many people just let these types of places get away with it.

Hearing can be in writing and I think that is the best route to go down.

Your social workers comments were excellent! I hope you never have to go through anything like that again.

No just as bad unfortunately. Lied through her teeth and claimed I hadn't told her the same issue 3 times. No wonder she wanted to keep things informal all the time.

She had her phone on the table and I have a feeling she was recording me. Are they allowed to do this, as in our contract it says you can't record people.

I also heard HR had bullied a manager and the CEO had got involved and knew about it, so it seems they are all in on it.

@sinceysign Thankfully I'm retired now, but apart from the whole experience making me rather cynical and distrustful of anyone in a work situation, it also meant that I never took any crap from anyone at work ever again. The slightest sign of twattish, bullying behaviour, I immediately called them out on it and thankfully never had any similar problems ever again.