To worry that DC will have no financial help as adults?

[Skye109]

My DC are 9 and 11.
My 9 year old has SEN with literacy and numeracy skills assessed as 3 school years behind where she should be for her age, which is a huge worry to me, although she's bright and intelligent in every other area of her life. My 11 year old has no SEN but is very behind in maths and finds school work quite difficult in general.
I can't see either of them excelling in their GCSEs or in further education because neither of them are showing any signs of excelling at school.
This makes me worry about their ability to earn good salaries as adults.
I literally don't know how they're going to get on the housing ladder as adults. Buying a property as acfirsg time buyer is going to require enormous salaries with the housing market as it is and I just can't see either of them earning high salaries.

We live in a tiny house. It's in a sought after area and the surrounding environment is lovely but the house itself is miniscule with the 3rd bedroom a tiny box room. We don't have enough space for 4 adults to live in the house together, it's cramped enough at the age they are now, let alone when they're adult sized. There is no hope whatsoever of us moving to a bigger house because we can't afford to.
Neither my DH or I are going to get any financial inheritance. None whatsoever.
And neither of us has any savings. We are middle earners, and every penny that comes in each month goes back out again. We have nothing left over at the end of each month. The cost of living increase is petrifying, because we have no spare or extra money to cover the increase in living costs.
Having children costs an absolute fortune - food (my DS doesn't stop eating these days!), clothes, school uniform, shoes, coats, days out, birthdays, Christmas, party invites meaning buying presents, etc. It's endless expense.
We have nothing to give them when they are young adults. No savings, no inheritance. Nothing. I don't know how they will cope financially and its worrying me so much.
Meanwhile, every friend they both have has a future that's secured financially. Their parents openly talk to me about having second homes providing rental income that's all being saved for their DC futures, or they talk about massive inheritances they've received that they've put in to savings for their DC future, or they're massively high earners and have been putting a chunk of their salaries in to savings since their DC were born and will continue to do so, or they are in the process of buying a second home for their DC to live in when they leave home or rent out depending on what they decide to do.
I'm not exaggerating here. Literally every school friend my DC have fit in to one of the above categories.
And it's occurred to me that when my DC are older, they are going to be surrounded by lifelong friends who are gifted enough money to significantly change their lives financially, whilst my DC will have nothing.

It's a bleak outlook for them and I'm so worried. Surely they will feel this when they are older
We are managing to provide well for them at this age, but we literally do not have any financial means to provide for them as adults.
They are such bright, happy, content and joyous children, I am so worried that they won't have bright, happy futures because financial security underpins a happy and stable adult life.

My 9yo has severe dyslexia and is 3 school years behind. She's just got an echp which will part fund TA support and assistive technology, and I'm optimistic that as the curriculum evolves beyond phonics and times tables that she will show her abilities more and more. In jobs there is so much technology to support her, I'm planning on teaching her to touch type and get used to talk to text etc software.

Thank you so much everyone for all of your amazing replies. I'm feeling quite humbled that you've all taken the time to reply to me with thoughtful, constructive and positive advice, thank you!
What I explained in my original post are my own worries. My DC aren't picking up on this because I would never in a million years let this show to them.
I love and enjoy my DC more than words can say. A lot of the time I can't believe how lucky I am because they are incredible people - they glow with happiness, their eyes shine bright with love and joy, they are unbelievably kind and thoughtful, they show empathy towards others, they are compassionate, they have courage, they are brave, both of them show tremendous resilience, and best of all they are both absolutely full of fun, laughter and excitement. Never ever do they say they feel bored. They are completely engaged with the world around them, they tell me they love their lives, and they tell me frequently that they feel so lucky to be alive and to be loved and cared for by us, and that they enjoy their lives so much. They practice gratitude on a daily basis without even realising they're doing it - they say thank you to me for every single thing in their lives.
It's just me that is worrying about not being able to help them financially in their futures.
Another way of explaining it, would be that if homes were easily achievable to afford on an average wage, and if gas and electric hadn't risen in cost, and if cars were more affordable to run, and if the cost of food hadn't risen like it has, and council tax didn't cost a fortune like it does, etc. then I think I'd have confidence that they'd be OK. But with the cost of living rising like it is, and the cost of homes being exorbitant, my thinking is that young people are going to be needing to earn high salary brackets to be able to afford a decent standard of living, and I am feeling bad about myself because we will not be able to financially support them with the big things in adult life. Our salaries will only ever cover our own expenses.
I do accept points made that I am comparing our circumstances to those with privileged circumstances, but it's only because these are the people we are surrounded by every day purely because of school life. They are all really lovely people, the children and their parents, each and every one of them. They don't brag or show off. As well as spending time together as families with our children, I meet up with the parents on a 1-1 basis because I have become friends with them over the years, and they talk about their circumstances and their lives as part of conversation, not in a showy way. In fact I would say they talk about their financial situation in quite a matter of fact, normalised way.
I'm worrying about how to help my DC when they are adults, and am surrounded by people who have financially sound plans in place to give to their DC when they are adults, whilst we will never be able to provide for our DC in this way.
We both work in the public sector, our salaries are not projected to rise. We earn an OK amount of money between us, but we find the cost of living so expensive that we are unable to save.
I am not envious of them as a pp suggested, but I am worried that my DC will not be financially supported in the same way as their friends.
I tell and show my DC everyday how much I love them, I listen to them, I make time for them, I show them how valued they are, I teach them to be proud of themselves and of their achievements, and I give them lots of fun. But I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job of investing financially in to their futures, which is worrying me because of how expensive adult life is, and that's making me feel really bad about myself.

My friends eldest left school with 3 GCSEs. He is 24 and earning over £40k (no student debt)and has a huge amount of savings for his first house.

My DH had a terrible upbringing children homes & foster home different schools
he could barely read or write as a teen
but he got a trade as a carpenter
and then re trained as a electrician

He is now semi retired with a building business that is booming and successful.

Me - I had a lovely stable upbringing lovely parents and I was a very spoilt child but I’m a lazy cow and rarely stick at anything it’s lucky that my DH loves me and puts up with me 😂

My parents married for 50 years - passed away and left money to my only son on the condition thet he uses at least 50 percent of it to buy a house or flat

my son is severely dyslexic and has some SEN
but he works full time in the NHS in there security department and it’s a job that suits him and his ability

he has always had a job since 16 while at school & college

Im99912 - your post adds weight to what I'm saying, in that your DC has received financial support from your parents who have given him an inheritance. This is precisely what I'm talking about!

I do accept points made that I am comparing our circumstances to those with privileged circumstances, but it's only because these are the people we are surrounded by every day purely because of school life.

And again, so what? They won't be at school forever. I'm working class with a millionnaire boss whose house is worth 8 figures.

I’ve never got a penny off my parents or family because they don’t have a pot to piss in. I financially support one of them. Won’t inherit anything either. I know loads of people in the same boat. No big deal - you make your own way in life, any extras are just that, a bonus.

You own your house, albeit mortgaged. Lots and lots of families don't - they are two months away from having to move if the landlord decides it so, potentially having to change schools, not being able to get pets or paint the walls their DC's favourite colours. Although it doesn't feel like it, they're in a much more stable position than many families. They also have two parents who love and worry about them and are interested in helping them do as well as they can - a lot of very well off children don't get that either.

I understand, though - we rent, and my best friend owns the house her, her partner and DD live in outright. They are in a massively more secure financial position than we have, and they have a lot more spare income every month.

My friend grew up with two parents who were in and out of work, and despite getting a scholarship to a v.prestigious school, there was often no money at home and she had to hide the holes in her shoes, as well as a difficult family dynamic. She was very driven from an early age to save and make sure she had a space of her own that she had full control over, and while her wider family had money, she never wanted to count on that ever being hers. Her partner had an alcoholic parent and was homeless for a while as a child, as well as being dyslexic - now he has a PhD and a well-paying job, and his brother owns his own building company. I might resent a little my parents being less good at managing their money (I will inherit nothing) or the chain of circumstances that mean we worry about the rent going up all the time instead of having our own place, but I will never resent my friends being able to give their child the stability they didn't get, and I will never resent having the mum I did even if she's never going to buy me a house.

You don't know what's going to happen and how much is in someone's control.

My husband I both left school with very little GCSEs, my husband has dyslexia.
We had our first child at 18, then two more in our early 20's.
We're now 36, have a successful business and bring in £120k a year. No A levels no degrees.

It's not all about education it's about drive and ambition. Plenty of university leavers lack that and go on to do nothing special.

We also have no inheritance, never been given a penny from anyone. Didn't even have any support or help with childcare.

Our eldest also has dyslexia and only has 2 GCSEs and she now has her own business doing nails, lashes and hair extensions. She set it up all on her own 3 months ago and is already bringing in around £1800 month and she's not even 18 yet. The only help we gave her was a lift to clients. She bought her equipment from her part time job at McDonald's that she did for 6 months.

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all of your responses and your advice 😊.

The best thing you can give your kids is the resilience to keep going when things get tough. Sometimes kids who get handed life on a plate are a lot less happy than those who have worked hard to achieve either academically or otherwise.

Give them as many opportunities to find their niche as you can bearing in mind who they are and not what you might have in mind.

I've seen an Oxbridge graduate struggle in a professional jobs as he just didn't have the drive to overcome obstacles as his life to that point had been laid out for him and had been easily achieved.

Just be careful not to pass on your worries to them or to try to push them down a path that doesn't suit them.

I think life is so hard for so many people at the moment that it will have to lead to more social housing, cheaper house prices and bills, or half the country will end up homeless at this rate.
Don't worry too much about the future. Last Christmas everything was fine for me . I had no idea what hell 2023 would be, it's been tradegy after tradegy that no amount of previous worry or financial planning could have made the slightest difference to. Yet still I am here and you just get on with it.

Op it's abuse date school that can help dc with any sen..
I'd stop worrying about the future and do find if research of alternative ways to help with English /maths

They may need small tweaks and you would be absolutely amazed at how little most people I school know about this.

English and maths is the base line crux of their entire learning, self esteem issues all feed in so catch them now and throw everything at that

Honestly, this a non-issue. My parents didn't/weren't able to do anything for us as adults, nor was there any inheritance. You don't miss what you don't get/expect.

I will, at this rate, have nowt to help nor 'leave' my ND DC, but what I will do is provide the best upbringing for them I can (which will not include amazing opportunities nor material excess) and as many positive experiences as are within my remit/capabilities.

So what if some of their peers are more socioeconomically privileged. Build their characters, not their banks.

It sounds as though this is less about them and more your own anxieties/insecurities. Work with what you have and the DC you have, not worrying about what Tarquin down the road had or achieves.