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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want to share my car!

106 replies

McScrooge · 25/07/2023 19:47

Been sharing my current car with my sister for a while now. It worked out well as she'd do longer distant drives for me that I couldn't do at the time and that was the agreement in turn for her using my car.

All was grand, until she started getting a bit big for her boots and expecting the car to be there everyday when she wanted it, and would kick off when I was using my car and wouldn't be at home.
She no longer does any long distance driving for me either and hasn't for about a year now mainly because I'm forcing myself to do the drives to build my confidence.

I'm getting a new car next week and she's kicked off that I haven't already stuck her on the insurance, I can't put her on the insurance until it's live and gone through on the day and didn't like the fact I told her I wanted a few days to get used to my new car by myself.

AIBU to think if she's kicking off already then I'm best not sticking her on the insurance at all?
It'll cause world war 3 but all she does is pay for petrol, she doesn't pay for anything else like MOTS, upkeep etc and drives it more than me!
I appreciate all the driving she has done for me in the past but I really just want the car for myself now and not have to worry about having to get home to avoid a kick off or have a stupid rota for using my own car or do I sound like a Scrooge? Envy

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 25/07/2023 21:28

I used to car share with my Dad. It worked well for a while but got to the point where it was unsustainable.

I paid for all upkeep, he paid half of the insurance and half of the fuel.

We both have our own vehicles now.

Sometimes it works for a bit but stops working for whatever reason.

IF you're happy to car share with her then a reasonable agreement needs to be made. It's your car so you take priority on it's use. She needs to pay towards upkeep as well as her own fuel. I'd even expect her to pay towards a loan, if you've had to borrow to buy the car, as she's using it a disproportionate amount.

If that's not agreeable to her, she can buy her own car.

aloris · 25/07/2023 21:34

Maybe you can turn it around on her. Say well I took a turn owning the car and paying the maintenance, but actually you use my car more than I do, so I think this time you should buy a car and I'll use it when I need it.

That probably wouldn't work. Just say it doesn't work for you any more. Yes your family will kick off over it. They are probably used to everyone being a doormat to her. They would rather see you suffer than them have to endure her tantrum.

HakunaMatiłda · 25/07/2023 21:55

Years ago I had a car which I loved. My parents fell upon hard times so asked to borrow my car. I say asked, they didn’t give me a choice really. I still had the pleasure of paying it off though.

Then my sister passed her test and was put on the insurance without my knowledge. When she damaged the car she refused to pay for the repair and my parents took her side.

Eventually they scrapped it as they neglected the maintenance of it.

BatheInTheLight · 25/07/2023 23:42

Maybe you'd find it easier if you understood that she's probably laughing at what a pushover you are.

You shouldn't be too concerned about falling out with someone like that, you'd be better off without that sort of crap in your life in all honesty. And if any family take her side, they can take a running jump too, bunch of crazies. It's your car and you get to decide who, if anybody, uses it and when. She doesn't even sound appreciative. OP, you HAVE to knock it on the head before you get the new car. That's YOUR car and if she likes it, she can go and buy her own one. Don't let yourself be walked over. Your worth a lot more than that.

Mangotango39 · 25/07/2023 23:49

Omg . This is really silly.

Tell her no more and if she's that insistent . Say here's what X costs for insurance (half) X for yearly not/services etc and X for wear and tear!

that's how a proper share would work.

PeanutButterOnToad · 26/07/2023 00:08

Yes, you need to tell her straight. No silly excuses like only having one key, there will be a workaround in her mind for anything, tell her that it’s silly that YOUR car is causing arguments so from now on she doesn’t have access to your car and you are not putting her on the insurance. Sounds like there will be a storm to weather but stand up for yourself once and it gets easier.

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/07/2023 00:22

Furloughedpissedoff · 25/07/2023 20:42

Get a new Car, you can then lie and say it's a Work Car and only you are insured to drive it. Problem solved.

Oh, don't be silly 🙄.

Would she then have to invent a new job that provides such perks? Maybe wear some sort of fake badge or uniform to keep the game up?

I just love some of the "solutions" people come up with on here 🤣🤣

AdoraBell · 26/07/2023 00:25

YANBU. Don’t put her on your insurance. She can get her own car.

SandyY2K · 26/07/2023 00:31

You're too old for car sharing...especially as you don't live together.

I thought you were younger. My 22 and 23 year old nieces share a car.

Twyford · 26/07/2023 00:43

McScrooge · 25/07/2023 20:34

Yes that's the issue. She treats it as if it's her own car now rather than my car and seems to have forgotten it's still my car that I pay a lot of money for.
It was fine at first she'd just borrow it if she needed to pop food shopping once a week now it's literally twice a day giving me a four hour window to use it unless I have an appointment.
I might just lie and say they only gave me one key for it so no point us both being on the insurance. I just don't know how to get round it without her seriously kicking off, she's vile to deal with when she gets like that.

Show quote history

That's a pointless lie, she will just say you need to arrange a spare key. Just go for the standard "Sharing the car no longer works for me as I no longer need help with long journeys" and tell her it's not up for discussion. If necessary, offer to help her choose her own car.

UndercoverCop · 26/07/2023 00:51

Can you offer her first dibs on buying your old car?
Definitely don't insure her in the new one

HappiDaze · 26/07/2023 00:56

Just rip off the bandaid as it were and get it out of the way

You 'I'm buying my new car and I'm only putting myself on the insurance because I no longer want to car share. I hate doing it and I don't care what you say or think about it that's what I'm doing.'

Her 'blah blah blah'

Her 'Get your own bloody car like normal people'.

HappiDaze · 26/07/2023 00:57

*You = last sentence not her

lilacsinbloom · 26/07/2023 02:21

Unless she's paying her share (or any share!) of the total running costs of the car and of its purchase price, then she has no leg to stand on.

Irridescantshimmmer · 26/07/2023 05:46

Tell her to take a long walk off a short pier.

She's a CF.

The more you drive yourself, your confidence will improve so you have everything to gain.

CherryMaDeara · 26/07/2023 05:49

Please update us when you’ve told CF no!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2023 06:45

Send her a text that you haven’t needed her help for over a year now but have continued to allow her to use your car despite not paying towards the upkeep, which is very generous you. Tell her she did this longer journey x number of times over the x number of years and having all year long use of the car was a great deal for her. You now are getting a new one and the agreement to let her use your car has now ended. She now no longer has permission to use your current or future car and you expect her to return the key today… why on earth did you give her a key? You can offer for her to buy the old car, it is available for x price but she must tell you by y date otherwise it will be sold.

I would make it very clear in the text that she cannot use the car again. She may well take it this time and not return it to get her own way. She sounds like that sort of person. At the end of the day, if your parents think your sister should have use of a car, they can share theirs or buy her one.

FloofCloud · 26/07/2023 06:53

Can you offer to sell her the old car?

I'd be saying no too, just say you feel it's not working for you as you never have the car when you need it so she she now needs to invest in her own wheels
Good luck and don't take any nonsense, just say no sorry it's not going to work

EVHead · 26/07/2023 06:57

No lies - she’ll talk round them/they’ll trip you up.
No selling her the car - she’ll blame you forever for anything that goes wrong with it.

Tell her “I’m really grateful for the driving you did for me. You did me a huge favour. But I don’t need your help with that any more, so I’m not putting you on the insurance.”

Rinse and repeat.

Fraaahnces · 26/07/2023 07:07

Oh just tell her to grow up! (Also keep your key with you always!)

dottiedodah · 26/07/2023 07:42

She sounds entitled TBH! Im guessing your DP has spoilt her a bit.You need to put big girl pants ,on and say that you need your car all the time now.She will have to buy her own ! No grown ups share a car unless spousal obv .Can she have your old one or buy it cheap.If DP say anything just tell them it no longer works for you .No need to explain!

GodisaBC · 26/07/2023 08:06

You previously asked her to car share, she said no, just do the same!
not sure why you’re finding it so hard.

Astrak · 26/07/2023 08:11

Now is the time to say no. And stick to it.

billyt · 26/07/2023 08:14

CFs seem to be over breeding lately. Every day there's yet another rate of someone taking the piss.

On a side note to everyone suggesting OP offers to sell her old car to her sister. Firstly, the CF Sister would probably expect to be given it for nothing, and secondly, OP may be part-exing the car.

@McScrooge You just need to bite the bullet and say not happening. Your new car is for you alone. Don't ever put her on the insurance even if suggested as a 'just in case'. Don't let her even near the bloody thing. I can imagine if you gave her a lift and she then brow-beat you to let her drive. You know due to her frailty, inability to walk, car-sickness, her pure and simple CFuckery.etc.etc.

Bonbon21 · 26/07/2023 08:32

Stand up to her.
It sounds like you .. and the rest of the family dance around her tantrums.. so if you say no this time.. set the standard for future battles.. she really needs to grow up. Stay strong.. you can do this.

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