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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want to share my car!

106 replies

McScrooge · 25/07/2023 19:47

Been sharing my current car with my sister for a while now. It worked out well as she'd do longer distant drives for me that I couldn't do at the time and that was the agreement in turn for her using my car.

All was grand, until she started getting a bit big for her boots and expecting the car to be there everyday when she wanted it, and would kick off when I was using my car and wouldn't be at home.
She no longer does any long distance driving for me either and hasn't for about a year now mainly because I'm forcing myself to do the drives to build my confidence.

I'm getting a new car next week and she's kicked off that I haven't already stuck her on the insurance, I can't put her on the insurance until it's live and gone through on the day and didn't like the fact I told her I wanted a few days to get used to my new car by myself.

AIBU to think if she's kicking off already then I'm best not sticking her on the insurance at all?
It'll cause world war 3 but all she does is pay for petrol, she doesn't pay for anything else like MOTS, upkeep etc and drives it more than me!
I appreciate all the driving she has done for me in the past but I really just want the car for myself now and not have to worry about having to get home to avoid a kick off or have a stupid rota for using my own car or do I sound like a Scrooge? Envy

OP posts:
Soapyspuds · 25/07/2023 20:31

Think I'm going to have to risk fall out with my whole family over this

I do not mean to be nasty about this but if they were my friends I would have binned them off aeons ago.

There is something wrong with them if they are taking your sisters side.

Does your sister work?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2023 20:34

McScrooge · 25/07/2023 20:11

Thank you! Was tough at first but wanted to have my own independence.

Just fed up of the car causing arguments now and just want it to end. It's causing me a lot of headaches. Seems every month there's a kick off over it.
I have said to her I'm fed up of the arguments over the car, and she'll say well I need it because I struggle to walk (she doesn't she does a extremely active sport that you need legs for!) and expects me to take sympathy.

Maybe she does need a car. I need a car. So I bought one.

She could too. Or your whole CF family could club together and get her one.

Original poster
McScrooge · 25/07/2023 20:34

Hesma · 25/07/2023 20:28

I totally get where you’re coming from but it sounds like she’s become entitled so that’s going to be a tricky conversation. Just be honest with her and good luck!

Yes that's the issue. She treats it as if it's her own car now rather than my car and seems to have forgotten it's still my car that I pay a lot of money for.
It was fine at first she'd just borrow it if she needed to pop food shopping once a week now it's literally twice a day giving me a four hour window to use it unless I have an appointment.
I might just lie and say they only gave me one key for it so no point us both being on the insurance. I just don't know how to get round it without her seriously kicking off, she's vile to deal with when she gets like that.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 25/07/2023 20:34

No way, car sharing suggests sharing the cost. Why can’t she buy her own car? It’s a piss take you’ve got a rota to use your car which you pay 100% of everything for, and she just pays for the petrol. No way.

Zanatdy · 25/07/2023 20:35

Let her kick off, she’s going to. Just say you don’t want to be told when you’re using your own car, and sometimes you need it when she’s got it. Time she buys her own car now

Doggymummar · 25/07/2023 20:39

Do you live together then, strange set up all round

PocketBattleship · 25/07/2023 20:39

I might just lie and say they only gave me one key

I doubt she'll buy that. Just don't tell her where the other key is, or better still get a steering wheel lock so nobody can steal it including her.

InsomniacsWife · 25/07/2023 20:42

She's taking you for a ride OP 😂

Be firm, say no, bring this odd and unfair arrangement to an end!

Original poster
McScrooge · 25/07/2023 20:42

Doggymummar · 25/07/2023 20:39

Do you live together then, strange set up all round

No she lives in the same village.

OP posts:
Furloughedpissedoff · 25/07/2023 20:42

Get a new Car, you can then lie and say it's a Work Car and only you are insured to drive it. Problem solved.

ImNotReallySpartacus · 25/07/2023 20:45

The reasons for the car sharing arrangement no longer apply, so why would she expect the arrangement to continue? Just tell her it's no longer appropriate. If you are feeling very generous, you could give her the old car or offer it to her at a good price.

Dashel · 25/07/2023 20:48

I would suggest someone else shares their car with her as you will be needing yours more now.

Do you parents have two cars as surely there would be more availability if she was insured on both of them?

Besides it’s insane if she needs the use of a car that much she should be able to get her own. Your asset is devaluing quicker because of the extra miles she puts on it and you will need to spend more on servicing, repairs, tyres etc as she will be doing extra miles and not paying for it

Jongleterre · 25/07/2023 20:48

I'm getting Whatever happened to Baby Jane vibes from your sister!

Tell her that the arrangement to share a car is no longer convenient for you and she must now make her own vehicular choice.

Floralnomad · 25/07/2023 20:51

Just tell her that the insurance has gone up and it’s too expensive to add her as a named driver this time .

PuzzledObserver · 25/07/2023 20:55

What was she driving before this arrangement started?

She can do that again.
Or buy her own car.
Or buy your car from you, at a fair price, and maintain and insure it at her own cost.
Or go without.

What she can’t do - or, rather, what you can and should prevent her doing - is demand that you continue the frankly one-sided arrangement with your new car. Or rather - she can demand it, but you don’t have to say yes.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/07/2023 20:55

She needs to get her own car. End of.

Tinkerbyebye · 25/07/2023 20:56

Just put your big girl pants on and tell her she is not going on the insurance it’s your car, you are fed up of her using it all the time and relegating you to a few hours a day when you pay for it all, she just chips in a bit of petrol. So she can now get her own car

let her scream and shout, stand your ground

InsomniacsWife · 25/07/2023 20:58

Whatever you do OP please don't lie.

No silly stories about one key, expensive insurance or company car rules.

Just say no, it's your car and you're not willing to share it, simple!

Original poster
McScrooge · 25/07/2023 21:00

She had a old banger originally, that died just before I got my current car.
thing is I actually asked to car share with her (and offered to pay half!) many years ago and she told me no, so maybe I'm still a bit miffed over that and that she can't remember that now expects me to bend over backwards for her.

I'm just going to have to bite the bullet before next week and tell her straight aren't I?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 25/07/2023 21:03

WTF!!! Why won't she just get a car for herself???

She obviously needs one as her usage is far more than it used to be, and as for your family taking her side, why don't they let her use their cars?

OhcantthInkofaname · 25/07/2023 21:14

Sell her your old car.

vivaespanaole · 25/07/2023 21:20

Just explain that the insurance premiums are much higher on your new car and you cannot afford the cost of an additional driver.

Will she winge, oh yes. Might other family members say something yes, are they all being deluded or weird about your sisters right to have things at your expense and inconvenience-yes.

She did you a favour and you more then paid her back. No good thing last forever

DMLady · 25/07/2023 21:25

McScrooge · 25/07/2023 20:34

Yes that's the issue. She treats it as if it's her own car now rather than my car and seems to have forgotten it's still my car that I pay a lot of money for.
It was fine at first she'd just borrow it if she needed to pop food shopping once a week now it's literally twice a day giving me a four hour window to use it unless I have an appointment.
I might just lie and say they only gave me one key for it so no point us both being on the insurance. I just don't know how to get round it without her seriously kicking off, she's vile to deal with when she gets like that.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t lie to her, OP — I know it might seem like it will be easier than telling her the truth, but I think you’ve got to be honest here (plus I’m sure she’ll just suggest getting another key sorted!)… Perhaps write it down first if you’re worrying about it? Something like, ‘It doesn’t work for me anymore so I’m not sharing this car with you.’ You can go into detail if you want but don’t necessarily need to (unless you think it will help).
Good luck!

Gateappreciation · 25/07/2023 21:26

Can’t believe she expects first dibs on the use of the car!

Yes, you going to have to be brave and tell it’s your car and she no longer is going to use it. Your life has changed and you need it all the time. It’s not going to be convenient to share it.

if she needs the use of the car, she can get a taxi, bus, hire a car etc.

Gateappreciation · 25/07/2023 21:27

Don’t even say she can use it an emergency, because there’ll always be an emergency!

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