To think I'm a narcissist now.

[whatisforteamum]

I worked in a tough industry where we were put on pedestals for doing a fairly demanding job.
A certain attitude rightly or wrongly was required in this male dominated culture.It was
Quite gruelling and so we were looked up to in a way.
I took a grievance against my new workplace for being backstabbing bullies basically.The people involved were spoken to and the hope is it can be resolved.
I need to meet them half way though.
Does this mean I'm a narcissist now thinking I'm all that and how do I become more humble and let my guard down.?
I do do the dirty jobs before anyone suggests that.
Thanks in advance.

Nothing in your post suggests narcissism.

Not enough information. I cant really figure out what you mean.

Standing up for yourself does not mean you are a narcissist, no.

I mean thinking I'm above gossip and don't like being told what to do by several people .
I kept myself to myself as it was the only way to cope.
I hope confidence hasn't become narcissism .

This makes no sense.

It seems like you are saying you don’t believe it was workplace bullying, but took a grievance out anyway just because you think you are above the people involved.

I’m sorry but you post is incomprehensible. Lots of words but no actual information.

Just ask the question you want answered properly.

I’m having difficulty understanding your post too.

You raised a grievance against some ‘backstabbing bullies’ but need to ‘meet them halfway’, could you elaborate?

You do sound as though you're not approaching the new job with an open mind. You say you don't like being told what to do, but you're in a new role. While it may be the same work in the same industry, it isn't the same job, the same workplace, or the same colleagues - so yes, it does sound like you need to take a step down and work with, not over, your team.

Sorry, can't make head nor tail of this. Are you a brain surgeon? Hope not!

Any other way of explaining this?

No. Those who have narcissism don't question whether they are narcissistic because the narcissism stops them questioning themselves.

I was told to meet them halfway now they acknowledge my presence.
Join in more with pleasantries which has been impossible given they ostracized me for a year .
I can't help but have little respect when they have treated me badly from my point of view.

It sounds like you walked in feeling convinced of your own superiority and didn't make any friends, and that's not likely to change since you appear to hold the attitude that you've done nothing wrong.

It doesn't make you a narcissist though, just unpleasant.

Thank you.I didn't think I was superior and I wanted to learn from my new boss who isn't my current boss.
I have barely used my skill set tbh.
I will have to be more humble in my next role though

That's not what a narcissist is.
Sounds like you just think you're great - that's a good thing!

I have low self esteem however I am a workaholic who hides behind my career.
I'm trying though.

I don't really fully understand your post.

It sounds. But like you re saying 'in my last role I got admiration and respect but I my current role I'm expected to be just one of many, not put on a pedestal and told what to do'. Is that right?

It also sounds like you've had some bullying - what was it?

What makes you think you are not humble? Do you believe you are better than everyone else or just different (is it a case of 'i am a better person because I have better skills and don't gossip' or 'i am different because I have different skills and don't like gossip'??)

I have more focus on work and little time for pulling others apart.
Focusing on the positives is more important.My role is also more senior than the 2 of the others so I'm not sure why the belittle me almost daily.
I'm humble in that I will try to connect with anyone.
The cleaner is my favourite person in my workplace.We have loads in common and she isn't spiteful.

Anonymous20232023 I am different.
That is my unique selling point.

Nothing in your post seems rooted in narcissism. Feeling that you're above gossip is a positive trait. As is having boundaries and not allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat.

Far from being too narcissistic as a society I think there's actually a lack of healthy sense of self and boundaries, so anyone who is remotely confident seeming or not wanting to get involved in drama is seen as cold and selfish at best, narcissist at worst.I remember once posting on Facebook that I wasn't going to unfriend my friends but I wasn't going to get involved in drama anymore and had a mild backlash from some. The fact is that I was at the time a recovering people pleaser who had left an abusive family situation and was in treatment for a breakdown.in my case I was fortunately not labelled a narcissist (it wasn't fashionable then) but it was treated as strange to be someone who didn't want to be in a drama triangle .

Luluguinea that makes sense.
Anyone not wanting to giggle and point out others mistakes or misgivings is seen as a bit aloof or standoffish.
I find it nasty and I've seen guys do it to a lesser extent.

Yes! It's like there is no such thing as a strong woman anymore, it always means they are stuck up or conceited.

As a child and teenager and even and adult I didn't find it easy to make friends, I didn't seem to understand the way others would subtly manipulate or play games with people . I didn't understand the social cues either. When I say things like this people assume it must be some kind of autism but I just feel sad that being different gets either demonized or pathologised.

You sound a bit like me, and neuro diverse which is a unique selling point. What do you see as your unique selling point?

I don't think confidence or narcissism is your problem here.. on the surface of it you sound quite ignorant to me, and you seem to think you're above the people there (not sure if you are or not, can't seem to figure that out from your posts)

If you're supposed to take instructions from people but you don't want to, or you don't want to be nice to people in your workplace, you also say you're above gossip and actually think you're 'all that', and they're just ostracising you because you keep yourself to yourself. They probably just think you're ignorant so have decided to ignore you as you have ignored them.. and now you're accusing them of bullying for doing the same thing that you've been doing to them.

It sounds like they've been told to give you a chance and you've been told not to be so ignorant, do with that what you will, the fact your employer hasn't sided with you is an indication that there is fault on both sides here.

It's fine to not be friends with everyone you work with, but don't expect people to keep trying with you, when you give zero effort yourself. I have a family member like this and they have such a lonely existence because they just won't give people the time of day, they say other people just aren't worth their time or effort.. I think it's a severe lack of social confidence personally, but it comes across as massively ignorant.

Are you like it in personal relationships too or is it just a work problem?

Sandyhappypeople I do have social anxiety and have spent many years working unsociable hours so no time to meet friends.
I don't mind my boss telling me what to do as such as All of them daily.
I did repeatedly try to start conversations with my colleagues who decided to blank me.
I readily pass the time of day with the hundreds of people who work where I'm based.
I don't get along with my sister's who stir trouble or moan either.It is draining.
I get along with the neighbours.Im going to try my best to integrate with them it's just quite hard.

Fireflyjar I'm probably the same.
I wake up happy and full of energy, I'm creative,bubbly and very reliable and passionate about my work.