Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm a narcissist now.

34 replies

whatisforteamum · 25/07/2023 18:13

I worked in a tough industry where we were put on pedestals for doing a fairly demanding job.
A certain attitude rightly or wrongly was required in this male dominated culture.It was
Quite gruelling and so we were looked up to in a way.
I took a grievance against my new workplace for being backstabbing bullies basically.The people involved were spoken to and the hope is it can be resolved.
I need to meet them half way though.
Does this mean I'm a narcissist now thinking I'm all that and how do I become more humble and let my guard down.?
I do do the dirty jobs before anyone suggests that.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 07:59

sandyhappypeople · 25/07/2023 22:45

I don't think confidence or narcissism is your problem here.. on the surface of it you sound quite ignorant to me, and you seem to think you're above the people there (not sure if you are or not, can't seem to figure that out from your posts)

If you're supposed to take instructions from people but you don't want to, or you don't want to be nice to people in your workplace, you also say you're above gossip and actually think you're 'all that', and they're just ostracising you because you keep yourself to yourself. They probably just think you're ignorant so have decided to ignore you as you have ignored them.. and now you're accusing them of bullying for doing the same thing that you've been doing to them.

It sounds like they've been told to give you a chance and you've been told not to be so ignorant, do with that what you will, the fact your employer hasn't sided with you is an indication that there is fault on both sides here.

It's fine to not be friends with everyone you work with, but don't expect people to keep trying with you, when you give zero effort yourself. I have a family member like this and they have such a lonely existence because they just won't give people the time of day, they say other people just aren't worth their time or effort.. I think it's a severe lack of social confidence personally, but it comes across as massively ignorant.

Are you like it in personal relationships too or is it just a work problem?

But ignoring people isn't bullying. Unpleasant maybe, unfriendly maybe, but it cannot be called bullying. I'm sure the OP recognises the difference. If a child at school didn't want to play with another child so simply stayed away from that child but wasn't actually unkind about it of course it wouldn't be bullying . Bullying would be someone deciding not to play with a child and then telling the rest of the class/their friends to make a point of ignoring that person. Or the child saying something hurtful like "I can't play with you because you're smelly/fat/stupid etc"

Being a quiet person who goes about their day to day business harms nobody and workplaces are usually going to be a mix of different personality types anyway. Not everyone is an extrovert, that's ok.

phobiaofsocialmedia · 27/07/2023 23:00

What I'm reading here is that people think they could be a narcissist or neurodiverse because they don't like to get involved in drama or gossip?!?!

I hate drama and gossip and avoid it because it's horrible and emotionally exhausting.

OP you sound like you're nice, self aware and willing to reflect. Maybe this workplace isn't for you.

Anonymous20232023 · 27/07/2023 23:06

whatisforteamum · 25/07/2023 21:34

I have more focus on work and little time for pulling others apart.
Focusing on the positives is more important.My role is also more senior than the 2 of the others so I'm not sure why the belittle me almost daily.
I'm humble in that I will try to connect with anyone.
The cleaner is my favourite person in my workplace.We have loads in common and she isn't spiteful.

Well in that case, you sound quite nice and not a narcissist :) why would you think you are a narcissist??

Anonymous20232023 · 27/07/2023 23:06

whatisforteamum · 25/07/2023 21:38

Anonymous20232023 I am different.
That is my unique selling point.

Me too 👍

Anonymous20232023 · 27/07/2023 23:08

whatisforteamum · 25/07/2023 21:55

Luluguinea that makes sense.
Anyone not wanting to giggle and point out others mistakes or misgivings is seen as a bit aloof or standoffish.
I find it nasty and I've seen guys do it to a lesser extent.

I think you should get the hec out of there!!! Find a nicer job with nicer people...

LuciaMimi · 27/07/2023 23:08

Look up the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder . I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about and nothing in your posts sounds like it.

sandyhappypeople · 27/07/2023 23:44

LuluGuinea · 26/07/2023 07:59

But ignoring people isn't bullying. Unpleasant maybe, unfriendly maybe, but it cannot be called bullying. I'm sure the OP recognises the difference. If a child at school didn't want to play with another child so simply stayed away from that child but wasn't actually unkind about it of course it wouldn't be bullying . Bullying would be someone deciding not to play with a child and then telling the rest of the class/their friends to make a point of ignoring that person. Or the child saying something hurtful like "I can't play with you because you're smelly/fat/stupid etc"

Being a quiet person who goes about their day to day business harms nobody and workplaces are usually going to be a mix of different personality types anyway. Not everyone is an extrovert, that's ok.

I'm not saying ignoring people is bullying! It's not, everyone should be free to get on with their work and not have to socialise at work, but I'm not sure what OP is describing could be classed as bullying (unless there's more to it), it's almost like she wants them to like her and make an effort with her, but doesn't put any effort into getting to know them either, but you can't really accuse them of bullying if all they're doing is ignoring her.

I was told to meet them halfway now they acknowledge my presence.

Join in more with pleasantries which has been impossible given they ostracized me for a year .

If she's socially awkward they may find it easier to ignore her, she's already made her mind up about them from the sounds of it, and doesn't think much of them at all, and the fact that the bosses have basically told them to work together to overcome it makes it seem like there's fault on both sides.

Like I said I know people like this, even in my family, there are some REALLY socially awkward ones and it can be a real effort to get to know them better, as they don't seem interested in knowing anything outside of themselves, so it can be difficult to get a conversation going, you have to be quite unselfish and patient and just be happy to talk about them and what they like, ask questions and constantly 'lead the witness' if you like, to get them to open up, they never ask me about anything I'm doing EVER, how my work, child, DH, pets, hobbies etc, literally NOTHING, it's like they don't seem interested unless we're talking about something that they are into. I love them so am happy to spend the time with them, and shoot the shit about their interests, but it can be quite draining as the ebb and flow of normal conversation just isn't there, I can totally understand how other people just can't be arsed with it and choose to see it as ignorance instead, some of my other family members have this view.

It's a shame because they are nice people, but they can't seem to get past this social anxiety, but instead of realising that they're the ones being aloof and 'ignorant' they seem to blame everyone else for not trying harder with them, and say things like 'why should I' (try to get to know them), then they moan that the same people won't talk to them, or ignore them.. I personally think it's a defence mechanism to stop them being 'hurt' by people, but pushing people away can be a lonely way to go through life.

whatisforteamum · 28/07/2023 05:10

Thank you all.
I'm not a sociable party person .I'm bubbly energetic and I can chat to anyone and like to make people feel included so I hone in on outsider.
Sadly these two have seen me as different and decided to exclude me.
I mean one word or no word answers for sop long.
I don't think they are my tribe.Honestly anyone who can openly gossip every day about me for so long .
I'm actively looking for another job so hopefully I can learn lessons for my new place..
Hence why I started a thread. Idont want to be seen as arrogant.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 28/07/2023 06:28

Completely ignoring the others on your team and creating a hostile work environment is subtle bullying.It is draining..

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread