To go away for a few nights every year?

[RingosBongos]

I have two kids with my partner, 6 and 11.

I have a group of friends that I try to go away with for a low budget trip once a year. It's something that's become a fun thing to do but It's never involved my partner (more of a girls thing). We've been doing it for years. I always have a lovely time and come home buzzing. But, it takes me away for 3 nights.

I do not go out much at all without the kids (apart from work), and this is a true break for me. But my partner is not happy with me going every year. I know it's a lot for him to manage the kids on his own for a weekend, and we don't have family who can help out. He's very hands on and great with the kids but obviously they are hard work when it's just you. He also has a job that requires him to do sometimes do some work evenings and weekends.

I really want to go. I would also be more than happy for him to go away for a few nights, but he does not want to.

I'm after some honest opinions, is it ok for me to do this once a year? Money is not an issue.

Once a YEAR? I think I’ve been away for a few nights nearly once a month so far in 2023, certainly four or five times, anyway. Why is your husband unable to cope solo with his own children?

I totally understand, YANBU. I would also love to do this, but my husband is very much a homebody and wouldn't ever do this himself. He certainly wouldn't like or understand it if I said I wanted to.

My partner does similar and I don't mind. In fact I like the time with my son. At 6 and 11 kids aren't going to need a lot of attention in the same way a toddler or a baby would.

The flip side of that is if I want time away with my pals it's not a problem. I don't think that's unreasonable on anyone's behalf.

Yes, I do this once a year with my girl friends. It's needed. YANBU

Having his own children alone for a weekend once a year is not a hassle, hard or a big ask. Especially not that those ages!

Sorry to dripfeed, but he is a teacher so looks after the kids for a lot of the school holiday as I work a 9-5 job, I think this also a factor.

YANBU. It's great to have some me time. Can he not do the same?

Why? They’re his kids, it’s not the grandparents doing you a favour, and you WORK 9-5, it’s not like you already go off with friends 9-5. Go, and don’t feel guilty. If he wants a break himself that’s fair enough too, but if he doesn’t then that’s his choice.

I've had a few this year already and have 3 to go!

I would love for him to do the same. Our kids have never been amazimg sleepers and the younger one is on the go constantly so they are hard work. But honestly, if there were an opportunity for him to go away and enjoy himself and feel as refreshed as I do when I go away that would be fantastic. He doesn't have the same sort of friendships that I do though and cannot take holiday outside of school time.

Well, he can stash them in a summer camp, surely, if he doesn’t fancy all summer holiday at home with the children? DH travels a lot for work so tends not to want to go away for weekends for leisure, but that’s irrelevant to whether I want or need time away solo or with friends.

YANBU X

Ffs, it is not difficult for him to mind two children of those ages for a weekend, he’s just trying to guilt trip you.

Why can't your husband look after his own kids alone?
What if you got hit by a car and died - would he have them adopted ? Sell them?

He begrudges you one weekend a year with your friends. He's mean. you deserve a break once a year.

It's one weekend out of 52, 2/3 nights out of 365 ffs! How much looking after does an 11 year old need anyway?

A teacher who can't even cope with his own DC for a couple of nights ... utterly pathetic. If he's really struggling he could send them off to a holiday camp (residential perhaps?).

I had at least one weeks summer holiday away from my DH & DC every year ... plus numerous shorter breaks ... and my DH also enjoyed time away.

It sounds like your DH expects you to stay home 24/7 just because he doesn't want to away himself and wants to control what you do.

I go away twice a year at least with my friends and never feel bad about it. Have done for years. I always did most of the wifework and childcare and he travelled a lot for work.

My partner is in the same boat, but it's not like she takes school holidays and I take all the weekends through the year to make up for it. Surely there'd be very little change to your partner's usual weekend without you around for one of them.

Maybe he just needs a bit more practice. Try going away more often.

He sounds a bit useless. Don't stop. Encourage him to go away on his own as well to balance it out.
If he is being a proper dick about it organise for the kids to have sleepovers somewhere else.

Once a year? Oh cry me a river. They're 6 and 11. He's hardly wiping their arses.

If he doesn't want to look after them during the holidays, send them to holiday club or something.

How do you cope when he’s working weekends? How does he manage to look after them during the holidays when you’re working but it’s suddenly a hassle at weekends when you’re away having fun instead of working?

He’s being ridiculous and I don’t see why you’re making excuses for him.

6 and 11? What hassle? Is he a very shit teacher? 🤔

I do this all the time and I offer my DH to do the same. It's up to him if he does or not.
I'd quite simply never marry someone who didn't want me to do this.