To wonder if I'm just fundamentally lazy?

[BirdIsBoredOfFlying]

I think I've always wondered this about myself but would be interested to hear from other people with the same issue and how you counteract it!

I think I might just be fundamentally lazy and it's getting me down. In the evenings and on my days off work, I really struggle to get anything done (house work, personal admin or even fun) unless it's prearranged. I work really well under pressure (have a high pressured job and do it really well, especially when I'm particularly busy) but I feel like I need a real deadline (not one I've invented myself) to get anything done.

I'm fine with taking my toddler to classes that start at a particular time, meeting friends as arranged, getting the house clean and tidy for visitors, etc. but if I don't have something specific to do/achieve, I'm likely to stay home and do very little. My husband is much the same.

I'd like to blame it on a stressful job, having a two year old, husband with health concerns, MIL who is terminally ill, being in the process of buying/selling a house (and temporarily moving into rented) but I think I was like this even before all this responsibility. I think the house stuff is just shining a light on how last minute I/we are at getting stuff done.

Can anyone relate/offer advice?

You don’t sound lazy at all. You sound like you have a full life tbh and don’t always feel the urge 24 hours a day to run round like a blue-arsed fly performing ‘usefulness’.

Are you happy in life? Embrace it. So what if the kitchen cupboards need sorting <shrug>

You are allowed to relax and do nothing you know. Everyone does. You don’t sound lazy to me.

I am also what I like to call “deadline driven”. It sounds to me like you get stuff done when you need to. Don’t worry.

Thanks for the kind replies so far. Maybe it's just a Monday morning feeling now we're back in the thick of it for a few days and thinking I should have achieved more over the weekend.

I think I’m the same as you. I work long hours and then berate myself for not being innovative and productive in my off time.

Sounds like you need ‘outer accountability’ - have you heard of the Four Tendencies personality test? I find it interesting: https://gretchenrubin.com/four-tendencies/

Exactly this. I perceive everyone else as springing out of bed at the weekend, ready for a full day of fun and productivity. That's how I wish I was!

@BirdIsBoredOfFlying I expect myself to have a full on hobby, build muscle etc etc …

I haven't heard of this but, from a quick skim, it sounds exactly like what I need. I'll look into it, thank you.

No I think I am similar. When I retired I was looking forward to doing what I liked when I wanted to; but instead found myself just messing around.
So now I have a timetable, see friends certain days, clubs on others, volunteering on another. I even program in housework; so Mondays clean living room and kitchen, Tuesdays bedrooms etc
Works for me.

OP I can totally relate.

I did kon marie a few years back and that helped as it prompted me to start a bullet journal that helped me to organise the mess in my mind and give myself deadlines for the admin stuff like birthdays.
It really did help to give me better control over my private life.

That said you have a LOT on at the moment so do give yourself a bit of a break as you may burn out otherwise.

Oh, and ignore 'what everyone else ' seems to achieve. Sometimes it's just smoke and mirrors.

I'm the opposite and really struggle to sit still and relax, we have a busy work week and when the weekend comes I'm trying to learn to slow down. It's like my body physically can't sit still but my brain really wants a break. You definitely don't sound lazy, you sound like you need that downtime. I wouldn't stress about it, but if it is getting to you then maybe make more plans in advance like a Saturday morning swim trip every week or something x

You do sound busy! It's ok to take down time to rest. And it's impossible to work have kids, care for parents and keep a clean house

You don't sound lazy at all! You sound like on your down time you are having a well deserved rest!

I’m very much the same, plus I just don’t really care that much about housework/ decor so that doesn’t help.

I can perform tremendous things under pressure, but I really do need that external pressure! I remember in my university days pulling another all nighter to get an essay done thinking that when I was a proper grown up I wouldn’t be like this, but it turns out I am still.

We do have semi busy weekends, tend to be on the go/ out of the house with DD as much as possible but that’s not by natural inclination (didn’t do half as much before she came along) so much as finding being at home with a toddler/ preschooler harder work than it is to just go out somewhere. That has a knock on effect with the house though - if we’re out all day nothing is getting done at home (beyond the basics of clean clothes, clean dishes and food prepared/ cleared away). But if we do stay in not much gets done either usually until I hit the ‘can’t stand it anymore’ point and then I blitz.

We have guests coming next Sunday and I know Saturday will be a day of blitzing the house to within an inch of its life and then we will say ‘well look, we’ve done it now, let’s keep it like this’ … and then we won’t.

I work hard and effectively at my job, and actually always go above and beyond what’s expected both in terms of the hours and the responsibilities I take on so I’m not lazy in that regard, and I’ve never missed a deadline - but I do put myself under ridiculous amounts of pressure by not starting things earlier. It’s like I physically can’t though, I need a sense of mild panic to get me going!

You sound overwhelmed and need help, OP.

Go speak to a GP.

Join a running club or other activity club, exercise helps - I found running helped both mind and body!

Once yoyr mind is quietened, you'll find motivation to do the chores you've been putting off. But never feel unable to ask for help.

Good luck.

I'm really similar OP and I wouldn't call myself lazy. You can't be 100% proactive all the time at everything. There are things I get up and do (high earning job, getting the kids to activities) and there I things I'd rather outsource (cleaning) and when I get downtime I usually just want to watch TV, I'm terrible for not socialising much, I don't exercise as much as I could, I don't read as much as I could, but we can't do everything at all stages of our lives, and if I am earning a good wage, and have kids where they need to be, I think I deserve to be doing what I actually want to be doing when it's time just for me- even if it's doing nothing!

And I TOTALLY relate to when under pressure, I'm exactly the same, that's what motivates me!

I believe having time to relax and 'do nothing' is good for you .. some people seem hyper active, always rushing around, having 'experiences' ... never stop and smell the coffee (or whatever the expression is) and then when their DC leave home or they retire etc they find they have no fulfilment in life. Being at ease with your own company, not seeking other people or 'experiences' to validate yourself is a real skill. And don't worry what other people do .. just be yourself.

Thank you all for your comments. I'm genuinely blown away by how kind everyone has been. I've never posted on MN before and was a bit worried I'd get a hard time.

It's been so helpful to hear that other people feel the same and also how people on the other end of the spectrum wish they could do nothing a bit more often!

Maybe it's time to be a bit kinder to myself but scheduling in the things I really want to achieve sounds like the way forward.

You have described me exactly! The all-nighters at Uni have turned into all-nighters cleaning my house before we got the professional estate agent photos taken. When will we learn? Or maybe what I'm realising is that we won't, and that's ok!

And don't forget, @BirdIsBoredOfFlying - a bit of self-compassion and acceptance goes a long way in this life.

Thank you! Your original comment really helped. I am very happy with my life and once all the immediate moving stress is over, I think I'll be scheduling fun plans and not housework!

Honestly I feel exactly the same. I used to be a really tidy proactive person, but I fell pregnant during lockdown and now have a 2.5yr old. I feel like I've never gone back to the old proactive me - and I think it's because I'm a lot more possessive over my downtime now I have a toddler. They are full on, and I have a full on high pressured job. So after bedtimes I feel like I always want to relax and have downtime rather than do jobs round the house etc. Its a really frustrating mentality and I'm hoping it changes again in the future when my little one is a bit less dependant on me for everything!

@AliasGrape has basically described my life so you're definitely not alone (& add a whole new level of tiredness and brain fog thanks to menopause I'm in a state of permanent nothingness!!)

It's difficult and I've pondered this before: I think half the problem is the perfect lives being portrayed on social media. Then I'm sure we all know people who are very self motivated and driven and can't help feeling lazy in comparison plus as someone else posted - I imagined my spare time would be spent making my lovely new house even more beautiful, honing my already super fit bod and spending quality time with my perfect family. Reality is my teenagers barely grunt at us let alone want to spend time together; if I drag myself out for a jog a couple of times a week I'm winning and the house is clean and tidy but no show home!

C'est la vie and sorry I can't add anything more than solidarity & comfort in mutual failure

@Dibbydoos what would a gp do though? I've been feeling the same for a while,have wondered about going to the dr about it, but also not sure what they would be able to do

Interesting. I'm quite rebellious but compliant aswell.