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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I'm just fundamentally lazy?

38 replies

BirdIsBoredOfFlying · 24/07/2023 07:59

I think I've always wondered this about myself but would be interested to hear from other people with the same issue and how you counteract it!

I think I might just be fundamentally lazy and it's getting me down. In the evenings and on my days off work, I really struggle to get anything done (house work, personal admin or even fun) unless it's prearranged. I work really well under pressure (have a high pressured job and do it really well, especially when I'm particularly busy) but I feel like I need a real deadline (not one I've invented myself) to get anything done.

I'm fine with taking my toddler to classes that start at a particular time, meeting friends as arranged, getting the house clean and tidy for visitors, etc. but if I don't have something specific to do/achieve, I'm likely to stay home and do very little. My husband is much the same.

I'd like to blame it on a stressful job, having a two year old, husband with health concerns, MIL who is terminally ill, being in the process of buying/selling a house (and temporarily moving into rented) but I think I was like this even before all this responsibility. I think the house stuff is just shining a light on how last minute I/we are at getting stuff done.

Can anyone relate/offer advice?

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 24/07/2023 09:44

Dirtyslippers · 24/07/2023 09:28

@Dibbydoos what would a gp do though? I've been feeling the same for a while,have wondered about going to the dr about it, but also not sure what they would be able to do

Show quote history

Maybe she'd get a prescription for the Stepford Tablets Grin

MammaTo · 24/07/2023 09:58

You sound similar to me OP.

Of an evening I can sit and do nothing for hours but then best myself up when the washing piles up or the house is untidy - I’ve had hours to do it. I can get to baby groups on time and meet friends but in the house it’s like my brain goes into shutdown.

KellyanneConway · 24/07/2023 10:30

I am also one of those peopleOP: work very well under pressure, don’t have a cleaning routine, out of the house lots, busy household, full time job etc but always feeling guilty about something else I should be doing. I find that unless someone is expecting me somewhere or to do something I am paralysed by inertia and my own thoughts. Unfortunately the only thing that has helped is HRT and sertraline ☹️

Banshee9 · 25/07/2023 22:38

AliasGrape · 24/07/2023 08:30

I’m very much the same, plus I just don’t really care that much about housework/ decor so that doesn’t help.

I can perform tremendous things under pressure, but I really do need that external pressure! I remember in my university days pulling another all nighter to get an essay done thinking that when I was a proper grown up I wouldn’t be like this, but it turns out I am still.

We do have semi busy weekends, tend to be on the go/ out of the house with DD as much as possible but that’s not by natural inclination (didn’t do half as much before she came along) so much as finding being at home with a toddler/ preschooler harder work than it is to just go out somewhere. That has a knock on effect with the house though - if we’re out all day nothing is getting done at home (beyond the basics of clean clothes, clean dishes and food prepared/ cleared away). But if we do stay in not much gets done either usually until I hit the ‘can’t stand it anymore’ point and then I blitz.

We have guests coming next Sunday and I know Saturday will be a day of blitzing the house to within an inch of its life and then we will say ‘well look, we’ve done it now, let’s keep it like this’ … and then we won’t.

I work hard and effectively at my job, and actually always go above and beyond what’s expected both in terms of the hours and the responsibilities I take on so I’m not lazy in that regard, and I’ve never missed a deadline - but I do put myself under ridiculous amounts of pressure by not starting things earlier. It’s like I physically can’t though, I need a sense of mild panic to get me going!

I'm shocked by how accurately this describes me

AutumnCrow · 26/07/2023 15:10

I've been having a few days like this. I've got some really complex accounts to complete for myself, but because I've got till Friday ...

Motherofkittens28 · 26/07/2023 15:37

This is so me. I have a high pressure job and I've always been really good at it, but in my own time I want to do absolutely nothing! The house is never as clean or tidy as I'd like because I just don't want to do it. I often feel I'm inherently lazy

Original poster
BirdIsBoredOfFlying · 26/07/2023 18:23

The solidarity in these responses has made me feel so much better! So good to know I'm not alone!

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 07/03/2024 00:02

I am fundamentally lazy. I know it and dont worry about it. I'm only enthused for things I'm really interested in.

Housework is my bugbear. It's boring. I tend to leave it too long in terms of getting around to anything beyond the basics of it. But then I have a spurt - eg 11pm tonight I wiped down cooker and kitchen sides, then mopped out bathroom and toilets. Then I quickly brought my accounts up to date (self-employed). All of that took me less than 1 hour, could have done it earlier and done more around the house too, but I didnt feel like it. Now Im sitting idling on MN with a cup of tea. In terms of my work Im fine as Im working for myself so I work hard at times. I annoy myself when I have work deadlines and instead of just getting on with it, 1 day before final deadline its manic (somehow I work better like that but I dont feel its a good thing). But I'm a punctual person, organised when I need to get up and go.

I dont want to feel pressured about anything so mostly, I make sure I'm not. I've a day off tomorrow I will do some exercise but thats it, will be lazing whole day and not worry about it at all. Reading through thread I think some of you put too much pressure on yourselves but society being what it is (ie 'busy being busy' being seen as valuable/purposeful especially for women), I do understand why.

Go easy on yourself OP. We can't do it all and nor should we

mt9m · 07/03/2024 00:05

Have you read up on the female presentation of ADHD?

Justawaterformeplease · 07/03/2024 00:09

mt9m · 07/03/2024 00:05

Have you read up on the female presentation of ADHD?

You beat me to it! The OP screamed ADHD to me.

PieAndLattes · 07/03/2024 00:13

I think I have found my tribe. This me. This is exactly me!

Deathbyfluffy · 07/03/2024 00:14

mt9m · 07/03/2024 00:05

Have you read up on the female presentation of ADHD?

I’m male with diagnosed ADHD and it even fits a lot of my symptoms!
Definitely worth looking into, although the waiting list for NHS diagnosis and treatment is absolutely bonkers.

Original poster
BirdIsBoredOfFlying · 07/03/2024 18:17

this post has resurfaced at such a funny time for me. I'm now on the brink of moving house for the second time in 6 months, my work is incredibly busy due to a takeover, I'm six months pregnant with baby 2 and I possibly have shingles!

So much to do and waiting for the inevitable panic that I haven't done enough packing for the move yet! I certainly don't have much time to be "lazy" at the moment but definitely allowing myself more couch and tv time without the same guilt!

The ADHD point is interesting and it is something I've considered before. I'm just not sure there would be any point in getting a diagnosis at this point in my life!

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