Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to chuck out their stuff (kids and DH's) without telling them...?

40 replies

Monkeybird · 26/02/2008 11:21

We've moved! It's hell! All the crap toys and shite DH's collections from the other house have moved with us. Is it wrong to throw/give things away without telling them? Judiciously of course (ie only the piles of crap they don't even know they have!)

And FGS how much is ENOUGH stuff? Am I wrong to think, if it doesn't fit in your storage, it needs to go? Why does DH need 7 coats? Why do my children need 15 pairs of trousers? And puhleeeease god, save me from the mountains of multicoloured plastic - does anyone have a good rule of thumb for dealing with ever expanding toy collections?

OP posts:
alittleone2 · 26/02/2008 11:23

Message withdrawn

dal21 · 26/02/2008 11:27

yanbu

you know what is junk and what isnt. clear away to your hearts content. tis very therapeutic!

re. the expanding toy collections. do you do the boxing them up and switching them? once a month replace one box of toys with one you have put away and the kids play with them like they are brand new! no need to keep buying stacks of toys

Anna8888 · 26/02/2008 11:27

I do loads of sorting clothes and toys on other people's behalf BUT I don't actually get rid of it (throw or recycle) without checking with my partner first. Usually (99%) of the time he agrees.

However, when it's real rubbish (labels, boxes etc) then I do chuck without permission.

KaySamuels · 26/02/2008 11:29

No yanbu IMO.

You actually have a pefect excuse with just having moved - it can be 'misplaced'.

Be ruthless.
Anything that is broken, worn, too big/small, hasn't been used lately or likely to be used in the future. I am itching for a good chucking out session myself now!

PotPourri · 26/02/2008 11:30

Nah, just chuck it I reckon. They never notice anyway. And if you start saying can I throw this away, they will suddenly decide that that bit of plastic is their pride and joy (for 2 minutes until they get fed up again).

If you are moving, then you can jsut say - it must still be boxed up somewhere if ever questioned.

do it, it lightens your heart to get rid of clutter - but don;t bin it, put it in to charity or freecycle in bulk

dizzydixies · 26/02/2008 11:33

no, its my plan for today, have already removed 3 bin bags of crap from house in past few weeks and nobody has noticed yet! charity shop is bulging at the seams due to me, am favourite with wee old ladies now

serenity · 26/02/2008 11:38

I wouldn't do DHs (I'd be livid if he chucked anything of mine with out checking first), although I've sort his stuff into chuck/recycle bags for him to give the final nod.

I've no problems with doing it to the DCs atm, in fact they know I'll do it with anything that's broken or had bits lost. I wouldn't get rid of a 'whole' toy without telling them, but it is telling rather than asking.

blueshoes · 26/02/2008 12:02

I do chuck dd (4.7) and ds (1.7)'s clothes and such without telling them. Being so little, out of sight out of mind. But dd is now getting to a stage where she retrieves her 'artwork' out of the paper recycling bin and asks accusingly, WHO put this here?

Naturally, I put it back when she is not looking, lol.

I never throw out dh's clothes or things without checking with him. But I will put it in a pile to make it easy for him to go through. And then I will bin, cart them off to some charity shop or eBay them once he is done.

blueshoes · 26/02/2008 12:04

oh, once ever so often, the weight of Stuff in the house just gets to me and I start to get huffy about dh buying new things. Great incentive for dh to chuck things out just to be able to buy new ones without incurring my wrath.

Judy1234 · 26/02/2008 12:15

It's so hard to get this right. Depends on age of child. 1 year old you can do what you like with. My 9 year old we sorted out all the old clothes, car too small etc - his twin was happy it went to the charity shop but he refused. He wants to keep them all - 3 huge black sacks of them - "for his children" and won't have them given either to a charity shop or relatives. So I've had to store them on the eaves of the house. When we moved 10 years ago I got rid of loads of stuff ruthlessly but with their consent. Some of the 5 children are very attached to possessions and some not.

When we moved to here (5000 sq feet big house) I said my aim was to empty it. 10 years later it is getting fuller and fuller and fuller. If people stopped buying things it would be good. Rules like throw 2 things away for everyone you buy never seem to happen.

beaniesteve · 26/02/2008 14:55

YES! it's Very very wrong particularly for you to do so with your husband's stuff AND without his input. If someone else took it upon themselves to decide what I should and shouldn't keep I would be livid. I assume your husband is an adult and that you both pay for the mortgage/bills/repairs on your chosen acommodation? So what gives you the right to make the decisions on what he should and shouldn't be keeping.

If I came home to discover my boyfriend had 'got rid' of any of my things I would probably reconsider our relationship!

justwaterformethanks · 26/02/2008 15:14

I do this all the time ,if either dc asks the anser is 'its in the loft' ,might be a bit harder with DH though .Saying that when he moved in with me all his hideous old clothes disapperared on the move ( into a black sack and out to the tip!!) So no YANBU

mumdebump · 26/02/2008 15:18

YANBU in that you can have too much stuff and what you can't use or store will have to go BUT YABU in that it's their stuff and you shouldn't get rid of it without telling them. You need to sit down together and work out what is going and what is staying. My mum got rid of some of my toys when I was little not realising how upset I'd be. FWIW I have similar prob with DH having so many outdoor clothes & boots, but he prob thinks same about my clothes and shoes and I'd hate to come home to find he'd culled them.

PS. Have friend who "accidentally" destroyed one of her DH's sweaters. He went nuts and has never forgotten it (although I think it was eventually forgiven after about 7 years!)

MarsLady · 26/02/2008 15:20

If you tell them it'll only become their most (and I quote) "favouritest thing in the whole world. In true life!"

sling it out [said the hoarder]

mazzystar · 26/02/2008 15:25

YANBU

I keep threatening to purge DH's accumulation of assorted random crap but he insists he still needs his A-level artwork. Still, I know where to look if anyone ever needs a copy of the Geography GCSE exam papers for 1988.

isntthatapip · 26/02/2008 15:26

Yanbu I do it all the time

beaniesteve · 26/02/2008 15:56

I think you are all weird.... and I'm going to start a thread about it :grin:

hana · 26/02/2008 15:58

I regularly go through my girls things - but they are young and don't often know. But they don't have a lot of clothes - maybe 3 or 4 pairs of trousers each? only enough to fit the wardrobes and dressers, I hate spilling out and having piles of crap around the house!

dh pretty minamalist

EllieG · 26/02/2008 16:01

I chuck DP and DSD's stuff away all the time. They never notice - or if they do I go 'Hmm I'm sure it will turn up at some point' and then that's the end of that

mumeeee · 26/02/2008 20:13

YABU about your Dh's stuff.I wouldn't like my DH to throw out any of my stuff with out asking.
How old are your children?

onepieceoflollipop · 26/02/2008 20:20

dh - never. I may (if tidying our shared wardrobe) say something like "oh, do you still need these jeans as you don't really wear them?" but if he said yes, no way would I disregard him.

dd1 is 4 years old. She likes giving things away "to a little girl who hasn't got one" (e.g. when clearing out clothes/toys for the charity shop). She gets very put out if she finds tatty bits of paper in the recycling that were part of an elaborate game, is better at decluttering "real" toys and clothes!

When I buy her new clothes (which isn't that often as we get stuff passed on from relatives etc) I make a point of saying "oh these new trousers are to replace the ones you helped to clear out yesterday"

Piglett · 26/02/2008 21:55

I used to have a few books as a child and we moved house aged 10. Mum said they must have got lost in the move and I believed her for about 10 more years. I still mourn my lost ladybirds. Same Mother (why did I say that we only tend to have one each) used to give my stuff to oxfam - we lived in town and it was opposite our house. I was known as a teenager to buy back my clothes when walking past I saw my outfit on the mannequin in the shop window. Parents lived in big house with lots of storage (very big cellar) and I thought her very mean. Now a mother myself believe it to be completely reasonable - chuck away to your heart's content!

Spidermama · 26/02/2008 21:58

I know your pain. I am the only non hoarder in our family of six and feel like I'm wading through crap all the time. I do throw things away sometimes but usually I get busted then feel very guilty.

I think you should tell them that stuff needs to go and they need to choose it otherwise you will.

I've told dh 30% of his wardrobe needs to go so that it's not so ridiculously, unusably crammed full of horrible shirts he never wears anyway.

I'm just about managing to stay afloat of the possessions in this house but we have another birthday coming up and that will mean loads more land fill fodder presents to incorporate.

Original poster
Monkeybird · 26/02/2008 22:05

You see Spidermama, you understand my predicament... I'm not talking about chucking away DH's CD's or books or childhood stuff or little bloody Bart Simpson models he keeps on his computer...

...I'm talking about the fodder brought back from yet another trip to Millets when he says 'look I've got a coolbag!' and I go 'another one? hey, how did we manage with only 24?' Or like you SM, a wardrobe/drawers full of clothes he doesn't wear, only utilising the floor/bed/chair/laundry basket for those he does wear. He genuinely does not believe he has any issues and I know he does...

OP posts:
Spidermama · 26/02/2008 22:44

It's so annoying isn't it?

I think you should get black bin liners or boxes, put everything YOU consider to be unecessary in them, stash them in the loft and then when they get home to a gorgeous tidy spacious house say 'Ta Da!'.

Tell them they can only have back things which they actually miss. Wait a month, get them to make lists of what they want to retrieve, then bin/freecycle or ebay the rest.

Swipe left for the next trending thread