Lodger having boyfriend to stay over

[cosmobrown]

I am advertising for our first lodger. They will be in our annex with their own entrance, and only their kitchen is a shared area with us. (our (large) utility room).
DH and I can't agree on overnight guests.
Do we say they can or can't have a partner to stay over occasionally?

Bills are included in the rent.
Any advice would be helpful.

I would have said yes as long as not too noisy and he's not in the kitchen.

Does it have sitting room/bedroom/bathroom?

Of course they should be able to, they'd be a rent paying adult so why not?

But if you've only just started advertising, why are you discussing a boyfriend in particular?

Do they have to be female or male and gay? (Genuine question).

@YabbaDabbaDooooo
I meant partner. Like I referred to later in the post.

If you’re in the uk I would ask:

how often do they stay (gas electric water)
how will you know how often? Or at all?

I’d say yes to the occasional overnight visitor - not even necessarily a partner. Weekends the odd weeknight yes but no one else is moving in without a discussion

If I was taking a lodger I would not consider staying somewhere I couldn't have guests inc overnight stays. Its not like they'll be sharing your bedroom/lounge. If they have fheir own bath/shower room I'd care less.
Having said that 2 or 3 nights is enough and I'd expect the lodger to take full responsibility for they're guests. I wouldn't necessarily expect their overnight guests to be partners though. In fact I'd rather it was a different person each weekend rather than a regular'third' person around but I accept that's just me.
I think I'd go for 'occasional guests, who don't disturb you and stay mostly in lodgers space

If they were only renting a room and sharing the rest of the living space with you, I can see why this would be a valid concern. But as they are in a mostly self-contained annex, I don’t think I’d even be bothered to discuss this with them. There’s no reason why it couldn’t be a couple in there anyway, is there?

I suppose if there are two of them in the kitchen when you want to use it, that might have slightly more impact on you, but I think that’s something that could be addressed if it becomes a problem.

YABU. Massively. Fair enough to say they can't move another person in but of course lodgers should be able to have occasional overnight guests. Would be a complete deal breaker for many potential takers.

I suppose the danger is that they’ll have someone staying a lot of the time and it will push your bills up. So maybe set a maximum although if it’s largely self contained will you even know?

Give them a single bed

I would specify two nights in any calendar week, MAX.

30 years ago partner and I did a single bed at each others lodgings no problem. Now we have a bed that takes up half the bedroom and needs a specially ordered mattress. Sleeping space is important in later life. 😂

Specify 2-3 nights max and advise them that this is non-negotiable due to COL and bills. Any extra days will incur a fee. Own food, cleaning, not hogging shared space, no noise.

How much would it reasonably push up utility bills? An extra shower and an extra phone on charge?

id just have something in the add specifying one perm lodger and any guests are their full responsibility.

Think you will limit who will apply that’s very restrictive
chances are you’ll get someone desperate and they’ll move in soon as they find something better

you have to appreciate this will be this person’s home
there not a guest

Surprised by the replies. When we had lodgers we always specified “no overnight guests” because there were children in the house and no way were we giving random strangers nighttime access to our house (and eg access to the bedrooms of our daughters). It’s different if the annex is fully self-contained and seperated by locks from the rest of the house, but this sounds like any guests would have constant access to your house. Even if you don’t have children, theft is an issue if you’re allowing access to anyone who can convince your lodger to have a one night stand.

If your lodger wants an at-home sex life they can rent a self-contained flat.

We never had any difficulty finding lodgers willing to rent a room with no overnight guests allowed. We mostly had students or single adults who had just come to the UK for work.

Years ago when renting a room in a house, one, I viewed had lots of ‘rules’ around visitors. They became apparent on viewing rather than in the advert.

I was renting a room as I was on a junior training salary, miles away from family.

I felt unwelcome and would have never felt comfortable there. It was obvious that they only wanted the money and saw lodgers as easy money. I was in a new place and they didn’t want me to have any friends (unless it was elsewhere) or a partner? Makes for a lonely life!

I’ve since had lodgers over the years and when I’ve naturally got on with them, you respect each other so the rules become less explicit. Never had any issues with theft/damages as a result of allowing overnight guests.

Have you considered m-f only if you don’t want any other overnight guests?

My friend has had lodgers since her kids left home. Always found people to rent rooms and specified no overnight guests without prior agreement. This meant she was not surprised in the kitchen by random people. If people don't want rules then they pay more in shares house. Lodgers pay less. She never wanted them to stay too long. Had lots of people for 6 months when the arrived in the area and didn't know anyone.

I would limit it, for example overnight guests only allowed 1 night a week

Overnight guests with prior agreement only. That way you can play it by ear once you have got a sense of whether your lodger is reasonable or a piss taker.

I would say a max 1 nights a week and the guest is inot be left in the house on their own
so if lodger goes out to work the guest has to leave

if they want to have more then they can rent a flat with an AST and do what they want

Also specify if you don’t want someone who works from home or not as that can push up the bills

you can get a lodgers contract from spare room for 7.50

Well it sounds more like you are renting out your annexe than you have a lodger.

I don’t think you can dictate who they have round or to stay. That would be incredibly weird. Agree that nobody else should move in without permission, but aside from that, I think YABU to set these terms.

I'd say no overnight guests too. It's not unusual for a lodger. An extra person means extra costs. You could say an occasional overnight guest is ok with prior approval.
As long as the OP is upfront about it then it's up to any potential lodger to agree or not and if they don't they can look elsewhere.

The reason people carefully vet lodgers is because they don't want people they don't like or trust staying in their homes. Why would you want to be in a position where some random guest is in your house.

I have young children, and it's my duty to protect them from strangers. I would say no overnight guests, and make the rent slightly cheaper to reflect this. Do you really want strangers hanging in the kitchen, in their room and shared spaces. It could be one night stands/horrible people. You have a duty of care towards your children. If they want to be able to bring back dates/partners it will push up the heat/water bills, and is an added risk for the children.

If any of the facilities are shared, and in your case it sounds like the kitchen will be, then you are well within your rights and not unreasonable to state 'no overnight guests'. Making that rule from the outset prevents opening up the can of worms which might come with potentially allowing guests but also having (understandable) reservations about it.