Lodger having boyfriend to stay over

[cosmobrown]

I am advertising for our first lodger. They will be in our annex with their own entrance, and only their kitchen is a shared area with us. (our (large) utility room).
DH and I can't agree on overnight guests.
Do we say they can or can't have a partner to stay over occasionally?

Bills are included in the rent.
Any advice would be helpful.

This depends on circumstances - if I was young and single and it was more like a flat share then - within reason - overnight stays no problem. I shared with one girl where it was always interesting to see who was going to come down the stairs on Sunday morning. She had a genuine talent for attracting arseholes - one knocked her around and another wanted to store class A drugs in the place.

If I had a young family and was renting out the spare room then a definite no-no but needs to be made clear from the start

No overnight guests is not unusual but it will limit you and stop you getting, for instance, the perfectly nice young woman whose partner lives in another city and will want to have them to stay maybe one weekend in 3 or 4.

If you live somewhere where rooms are in short supply and you are going to have your pick of tenants you might not care. If you are going to struggle to find someone suitable you might feel differently.

Yabu, you can make it clear that the price inclusive of bills is for one person, that they can of course have occasional overnight guests but if it was to be a regular thing then the utility element included in the rent would be reconsidered. This way you are covering yourself without sounding prescriptive

I agree with all you say.

I'm very surprised at those who say up to 3 nights a week - that's almost like having a second lodger!

If someone wants a boyfriend/girlfriend over 3 nights a week they should rent a self-contained flat.

Surely it’s always better to start off being on the strict side and then - if you wish - loosen the rules once you’ve built up mutual trust?

At the end of the day, it’s your home and nobody has to rent a room there if they don’t think it’s going to suit their lifestyle.

I'm a live in landlord and think YABU to ban all overnight guests.

Alternatives that are more reasonable

• no one night stands (I phrase this as requiring them to have known the individual for more than 24 hours; I don't want a drunk stranger brought home from a nightclub)
• that if the partner comes over one or two nights a week, they have to go to their partner's one or two nights a week, which naturally limits things

I'm not running a convent, so a rule about no overnight guests whatsoever is excessively controlling.

When I had a lodger I specified no overnight guests without a discussion. I had a young daughter and didn't want random in the house.

I would state no more than twice a week maximum and if that turns out to be a regular thing, raise the rent slightly.

You could try weeknight only lodgers - someone who is working away & will bugger off home to their partner/family at weekends?

Or the 'if your partner stays here x nights/week, you have to stay at theirs x nights/week' rule is also a good one to stop stealthy move ins.

Ultimately, any restrictions you place will restrict your 'pool' of potential lodgers, so think about how in demand lodgings are in your area at your price point...how fussy can you afford to be & it still be worth bothering at all?

But you can have whatever rules you like. The great thing about lodgers is you can terminate the arrangement quickly & painlessly if you don't suit each other.

I've always let lodgers have boyfriends to stay but when one woke me up on a week night having loud sex at 2am more than once in a month, with a colleague who lived with his gf so she couldn't go to his, I had to suggest she'd be better suited to living in a HMO party house than with me in my quiet flat

I think it should be expected that a lodger can have an overnight guest. I think 2 nights a week is fair enough. More if pre agreed (eg friend from another country for 3-4 nights as a one off).

no guests ever feels a bit prison-y to me!!

No overnight guests because you have a shared space is reasonable. You also don’t want random people there when the lodger isn’t there.

I think @gogomoto has phrased it very well-the price inclusive of bills is for one person, that they can have the occasional overnight guest, etc.

That doesn’t sound too restrictive, but also makes it clear that their partner can’t live there 5 days/week, for example.

I am a landlord. Tenancy agreement allows guests for no more than two continuous weeks after which I have to be notified (I have been notified twoice and I've said it's fine - once they wanted to help someone post divorce for three months).