To think I’ll never get rid of this voice in my head

[Sizzlysausage]

Does anybody else have this? Objectively I have a good life. Not perfect, but good. But all my life I’ve had this voice in my head constantly telling me I’m shit, I’m a failure, etc etc. Sometimes it is quieter but it’s always there. At times (like now) it’s deafening and I just don’t know where the voice ends, and I start. I also have a habit of analysing every social interaction and picking myself apart. I guess my AIBU is whether it is reasonable to hope I can ever manage this? Has anyone else? I’m starting to despair. If relevant, I’m 50 (and on HRT)!!

Some of this is very helpful. Chapter 1: the voice inside your head

books.google.co.uk/books?id=ey-evejZoiUC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+untethered+soul&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi2ou2QlKOAAxWgUkEAHY_hDRkQ6AF6BAgMEAM#v=onepage&q=the%20untethered%20soul&f=false

"I also have a habit of analysing every social interaction and picking myself apart."

You are not alone. And in particular I do this a LOT after socialising. I've talked about it with my mum and sister and they do it too. I panic..."I didn't ask "X" enough questions about her"..."I talked too much about myself"...I offended "Y" by saying this"..the worst is if and when I host and perhaps a few flakey people drop out I start overthinking "no one likes me" "the others don't want to be here" etc etc...it is exhausting and it is a lie that your brain tells you. It's self destructive and other people experience this.

I get it too with parenting "I'm not good enough"..."my son doesn't love me like his dad" etc etc

Is yours a physical voice you can hear? Or just feelings?

I'd say mine are just strong feelings. You're not alone OP and sorry I'm not offering any better advice other than I get it too! And I think a lot of people do!

Yes. I battle this . I have found it helpful reading about CPTSD and the inner critic. Been doing some work on this in therapy. Peter Walker is a great resource on this.

I'm exactly the same OP and it's crippling to be honest. I keep hoping I will grow out of it and get the confidence, but well into my 40s now so no idea when it's going to happen! 😅

You aren't alone, but you can absolutely challenge it. The more you challenge that voice, the more you tell yourself your good qualities,the more it will fade and lose power. There was a voice I have that I've just realised 47 years in is my mums. I realised it this week 🤷🏼‍♀️

Learning to talk back to this voice and question it and shut it down felt so weird and unnatural at first but the more I do it the more liberating it is! As well as CPTSD and a related trauma diagnosis, I battle OCD and the intrusive thoughts that come with that. For me I also find it helpful to shut the voice down..It makes a difference.

Me too , I’m horrible to myself!

Therapy!!!! Many, if not most, of my fellow eating disorder recoverers have that voice. I don’t but I didn’t have parents telling me I was shut, which it seems many did.

@Sizzlysausage, think of a name that you really, really dislike and give it to that voice in your head ...then tell said whoever to "shut the fu#k up!!" 🤣
Seriously, try it ❤️

Imagine your best friend challenging the voice. What would [Sarah] say if she heard the way my inner critic talks to me? How would she tell the voice that it’s wrong? (She’d also tell it to fuck off, probably.)

Therapy. The voice can be shut up, but with considerable work and self-discipline.

I think affirmations are really useful for shutting the inner critic voice up.

If the voice starts I say out loud 'I love and approve of myself' on repeat until the voice goes away.

It rarely comes back these days tbh.

Thanks for these fast replies. @KajsaKavat i did have an eating disorder when younger. And my parents didn’t tell me I was shit but I did have a rather complicated family situ and I can trace where this came from I think. Just doesn’t seem to help.

Thing is I am a BIT shit - I’ve really failed to progress in my career for example. So I tell the voice to shut up and then it reminds me that what it’s saying is true and there I am back to square one. Aargh. I must keep trying.

My inner critic voice is now an entirely separate person from me, he just happens to speak inside my brain. However, he’s a fussy, late middle-aged, pudgy man who lives with his overbearing mum and wears beige cardigans. He’s never done half the things I have with my life, so his opinions of me really don’t count for much any more. It takes practice but it gets easier, and it’s worth it!

Close your eyes - imagine a train - put the nonsense on it and visualise it vanishing over the horizon. And repeat .......

As part of my trauma I have battled binge eating and obesity most of my life, so I hear ya on this one!

I watched a Tedtalk on YouTube all about defeating my Inner Critic, it was immensely powerful. Gave me good tools which have helped a lot.

Interesting that you had an ED, the gene responsible for anorexia is similar to the gene responsible for schizophrenia which is why anti psychotic meds can help with recovery from anorexia.

Are you fully recovered? My dd is recovering from anorexia and tells me the voice disappeared once she got a healthy weight. She hears it occasionally now but is much more able to ignore/tell it to shut up.

Op you are not a bit shit, holding onto beliefs like that is not healthy. You are you, unique and perfect as you are.

Thanks for this thread! Some useful resources!

Maybe progressing in your career doesn't actually have to be a priority for you. It's not compulsory to be ambitious. As others have said, you don't need to let that voice go unchallenged. You can tell it to shut up (I like the idea of giving it a name you don't like!) or you can practise methods to be free of it (like mindfulness and meditation). The first step imo is to recognise it for what it is, as soon as it starts speaking, and to remember that it probably isn't even really telling the truth.

Yes you can! CBT is very helpful for this.

I used to have a constant inner voice which compared me negatively to everyone and everything, and used negative words to refer to me eg idiot.

It takes work but consciously trying to replace every 'idiot' with a positive word 'darling' genuinely works. Plus stopping yourself and saying 'are you doing comparing again?'

Does it go away altogether - not entirely and you have to keep on top of it. But I can go months without any of that unhelpful crap I used to barrage myself with.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies i think I’m recovered. But I think the voice might be related to sort of obsessive thinking? My brain seems to want something to obsess over. Now it’s not food, it seems to be me.

@Fairislefandango i think I feel that if only I could prove myself in my career I could shut the voice up

i think I feel that if only I could prove myself in my career I could shut the voice up

I think this may be going down the wrong road. The key is for your voice to love you as you are, career or no career. And when you love yourself the career will be much more likely to take off - and if it doesn't then you are still happy in your life regardless.

I second this.
I've given the voice the name of my sil (can't stand the woman) so when she starts off I just tell her to fuck off. It's very therapeutic as I'm telling 'her' to fuck off but also dismissing what she says in a heartbeat everytime.

Seriously try this. It really helps me.

Thanks so much again everybody. Your advice is so helpful. I think I feel as though I have hit a wall. It's like I can see the world out there and I know that it's fine but I seem to be trapped inside my own head where everything is awful. At least, I am awful, as is everything I have done. I'm not even sure I can distinguish the voice so that I can shout at it/her, from me. Is this depression? I don't think I feel depressed as such (although I can see from writing this that it doesn't look good)! I think I probably need to find a therapist ... 😀