To wonder how people stay organised?!

[Clueless1982]

I have three DS's - two at school and one in nursery. And until the older two started school, I'd always been pretty organised.

But my word, once we got into the world of class what's apps, birthday parties, homework, remembering what day to send PE kit / £1 for Wild Animal Day / Comic Relief donations in, I've lost the plot!

AIBU to ask you how you make it work?

I work full time and my DH works away a lot of the week, so it's just me which is fine (it's always been this way so I'm used to it) - but I feel like there's so much more to remember all the time now they're at school.

I missed DS's immunisation appointment last week because I completely forgot to put it in the calendar and my work is definitely suffering because I can't seem to think more than a few days ahead at the moment. I also missed one of DS's good friend's birthday parties because of not putting it into the calendar.

Now the school holidays are here I figure I've got a few weeks to get my shit together, so if anyone has any magic bullets then I am all ears.

I feel like everyone else is breezing through the school year so there must be something I'm missing. (Otherwise the alternative is that I'm just bad at this, which I'm willing to accept might be true 🤪)

I find this really stressful too. Dh is good and remembers to put all his half of the stuff on the shared kitchen calander but I always forget.

It's stressful. You're doing the best you can. Is your calendar on your phone? I have to put things in it straight away.

It’s not easy, and the burden does often fall on women (in opposite-sex relationships). Often alongside the wider management of family events, maintaining community relationships, etc etc - an extension of all that. My only real suggestion is to do things straightaway if possible, and diarise like hell. Medical appointment? In the diary immediately - don’t make life harder for yourself by having to remember to diarise it later. Form comes through for a school trip? Do it then - don’t let it occupy your mind twice - and diarise if a packed lunch is needed. Need a present for a kid’s party? Order it when you get the invite if possible (a super-popular gift I’ve found is pencils with their names on from Amazon, just a few days lead-in). Crosses your mind that child 3’s crocs are a bit small? Go online that second and order them. Re parties I would hope most of the time the party organiser sends a reminder on the day / closer to it too - if you do this yourself for your own parties hopefully others will get into the habit.

The more stuff you can deal with quickly rather than it having to dwell on a list or on your mind, the better, and the less overwhelming it feels.

And use the class WhatsApp to ask questions eg “I think it’s sports day tomorrow for which they have to wear something in Pantone 256, and assembly on Tuesday for which they have to bring in a rare-breed orchid propagated at home, have I got that right?”. I’ve been class rep a couple of times and during the 2 busy stretches (Christmas and year-end) I send out a weekly list and then on-the-day reminders too - depending on your class parents’ dynamic (and I know classes can be surprisingly different) maybe people can be encouraged to help each other out.

I have 3DC too (1 in school, 2 in kindergarten) and the end of the school year is a frigging nightmare. Pretty much all the mums I know drop a ball now and again, me included!

I really don’t have the answer as I need a reliable system too. I think the hard thing is the sheer number of media that we’re getting info through. We have 2 different apps, one for school, one for kindergarten, that we get appointments and requests on. Then there are WhatsApp groups, old-school posters, text messages, written notes.

I read one recommendation to have a box that you put all invitations, bills, letters, notes etc into. If you get anything electronically then you write a note of it on a bit of paper and put it in the box. Once a week you have a designated day/time to go through and deal with it all. I think with small kids you probably need to do it twice a week to make sure you don’t miss anything. Could that work?

My problem is that I’m quite good at putting stuff in my diary but then when I’m busy I forget to look at it. I really need to set aside a time eg each Sunday to check what’s in for the week ahead.

My husband is annoyingly efficient and is a big fan of timeblocking his diary and setting alarms for everything which works for him. He also emails himself reminders
and then uses his inbox as a to do list. But admittedly he doesn’t deal with all the kids’ admin where you have things flying at you from every direction!

It’s not easy but I think the secret is to have a calendar (either on your phone or a paper one, whichever works) and use it religiously.

It's really hard. I have two DC - 1 in school and 1 in nursery. I saw a hint recently on a YouTube video which said to use tools to "quick capture" i.e. I use Google keep for lists - as soon as I think about something I need to do, a present idea for someone, something I need to tell DH etc I quickly put it in notes. It takes seconds and gets it out my head. Same with my Google calendar. I love stationary but using a paper diary just isn't as good as putting everything in my phone calendar. As soon as I'm told a date I instantly put it in my phone. Again, takes seconds. Instead of always thinking "oh I'll put that in my calendar later" I do it then and there.

And - we all miss things! I missed PARENT’S EVENING - I didn’t diarise it because who needs a reminder for parent’s evening? Me, it turns out! On that day one of my kids broke a bone and the disruption to the day was a mental disrupter too and I totally forgot until it was too late. I read something about how we’re all juggling balls in life and work, and some are glass and will shatter if you drop them, and some are plastic and will either roll away no harm done, or bounce up unharmed, and the trick is working out which (in home and work) are which, and sometimes we don’t know till we’ve dropped it and it’s either broken, or it’s harmlessly bounced.

I had a week to view paper diary open on the kitchen work top all the time, everything in it, amy paperwork needed at hand slotted in it. It's a hard and long phase. My children are all adults, though only today I had the what have I forgotten feeling.

I write everything down on the calendar.

I also keep a white board in the kitchen. I write for each day of the week whats going on that day...

Eg Mon - PE for kid 1, dentist appt for kid 2, swim lesson for kid 3

I make sure I put things on there that happen every week because I still forget lol and stuff such as appointments I write in red 🤦‍♀️.

For important things like appointments I set reminders or alarms on my phone for the morning of.

I go through the school newsletter and the calendar every week to then update my white board.

Everything goes in my phone diary immediately, and I check it daily. I also use reminders. DH and I share a Google diary so we can see everything for all of us.

I had a family calendar on the kitchen wall on which I wrote everything. If it wasn't on the calendar then it wasn't happening - which was my mantra to DH for years as I tried to educate him to use it! Updated it every day and checked it regularly. Add in a white board and pen if necessary. For me, digital diaries are no replacement for in your face!

Have a shared family calendar that events go into as soon as you’ve organised them! Also have a kitchen organiser to update things on a Sunday so you know even if your phone doesn’t remind you, that you can see them whenever you go into the kitchen.

It is so hard, it doesn’t help when schools have so many ways of communicating with parents. We were ready for the end of term as things were starting to slip and when the routine changed towards end of term with different charity / fun days I got really confused!

I put everything on two calendars which sounds a faff but works.

All appts, non uniform days etc are written on the hard copy calendar and also in my work one - marked as 'free' private appts.

For big things where I need a triple threat approach, I also put reminders into my phone. These are mainly for birthdays or reminders to get a present for someone or to text a friend if they have something important coming up etc.

I think you need to think of it as a second mini job and just spend a little bit of time each day doing it.

Calendar on your phone. Enter everything immediately when it comes in.

then a weekly paper planner. At weekend review upcoming week and lay everything out In detail with checklists

Yup, everything in the diary (google calendar, shared with DH) as soon as I hear about it. Party invite? In the calendar, RSVP, Amazon a present -all in 5 mins; then forget about it.

Thank you everyone - it's good to know I'm not alone. It sounds like an in your face paper calendar and doing things the second you get an email / invite / school message is the way forward.

We do use a digital family calendar already, my trouble is either forgetting to put stuff in or not noticing quickly enough. By the time I do notice, my husband is away, my work diary is backed up and somehow I have to work out how to move things around to get to sports day with a day's notice - I just get so annoyed with myself for making my own life so hard sometimes 😂

I like the idea of treating it like a mini job - and at least if we review things for the week ahead at the weekend then my DH won't be able to use the excuse that he's away either ;-)

Next term I'll be on it 💪

I also use two paper calendars - one weekly and one monthly and once a week sync with mine and DH work calendars. if the event is more than a week ahead it goes on the monthly calendar. Sunday night we populate the weekly, each person is a column, calendar. This is where conflicts are resolved. I demand DH attend and share the mental load.

July and December are disasters. Covid muted it for a couple years but this last month was bonkers. I have older and younger kids and it is harder now that schools use so many apps and some come in at a time when they cannot be immediately entered in the diary. That is when I miss things.

I hear you OP - my husband is in the Forces so away a lot. He's as involved as he can be, but not physically here, so a lot of it is down to me.

I also remember being shocked at how much MORE there was to deal with when my kids started school.

Things I do, already suggested are having both a calendar app & a paper family wall calendar. The one with sections for each person is a lifesaver.

I also always have a pot of £1 coins by the door now, after being caught out too many times by non uniform / charity days.

Every time an important message from school comes in, I screenshot it and put it into an album marked "important" in my phone. Passwords for Google classroom, sports days, meet the teacher etc etc (tip from my son's teacher!)

Meal planning also really helps, but I have a "master list" of foods we all like. And (fully aware of how over the top this sounds) I have themed nights for food.
On the master list, I have a list of meals from that theme. So Mondays is always Italian. Pesto pasta, spaghetti bolognese, risotto etc etc.

Makes meal planning so much easier as I can never remember what foods we all like when I sit down to do the food ordering?! 🤦‍♀️

Making any packed lunches / snacks etc the night before then putting them in the fridge overnight makes the mornings run a bit easier too. I do this through the holidays too, makes life so much easier (and keeps me in good habit!! 😄😄)

The kids each have a basket that I (and sometimes they, but it's hit and miss!) put their uniform into for the next day at bedtime. Each morning they put their PJs in it, and just keeps things organised and tidy.

Lots of getting the kids to help as well - emptying lunch boxes, putting homework on the fridge...which I stupidly thought would help...but usually makes things trickier. But they love to "help"...!!!

Mixed into this is a lot of having to decide to miss some schools events, that I just can't get to, realising the house is too messy and guilt as well!

Sending solidarity as it's crazy how much juggling and keeping up there is once your kids start school. Once they've been there a year though, you do get into the rhythms of what happens each year which helps.

We use the "Family Wall" app as a shared calendar, I've got a terrible memory so absolutely anything important goes on there

I can't quite grasp why you are missing things. As soon as I receive the school letter with most of the activities, sports days etc I used to put in all in my diary. And action stuff immediately, buy a Xmas jumper off eBay 2nd hand for £1.50. Order an eBay or Amazon Viking outfit. Any other letters from school throughout the year i action immediately. If I need to give authority for say a school immunisation I do it there and then.

I peruse my calendar for the month ahead. And each Sunday night I view the week ahead. So there is new a last minute panic.

I suppose my issue is that I'm not doing everything as soon as I get it - so I'll definitely try and do better there.

I've struggled since going back to work from this last maternity leave though I must admit. I'm at work all day and then when I'm on my own in the evenings with three small children trying to get dinner sorted and then get them all bathed and to bed, it's sometimes tricky NOT to put that letter / phone down for now and plan to deal with it later.

And then it only takes one DS to not settle for the night, or some other little thing to throw the night off and suddenly I've only got half an hour to myself before bed and later never comes!

I'm forever envious of people like yourselves @Oblomov23 who seem to have it nailed - but I'm not quite there at the moment!

Some super helpful suggestions from everyone though, am hopeful I'll figure it out 😊

Similar to lots of other posters everything gets actioned straight away and put into calender (I use the box clever press month to view one, it's great)

Main thing that I do that I find helpful:
My husband and I have a WhatsApp group called kids stuff. I don't tend to put appointments in there but if there's a party invitation I'll screenshot it in there, summer camp info, passwords for Roblox, summary of a dentist appointment, etc etc. Works really well as it's all there and searchable and we can look back if needed(we also do one just for Christmas present ideas/shopping).

Oh I love that what's app group idea @Ihaveaskedyouthrice - setting that up right now 🙏

I have three bulldog clips on hooks in the kitchen (one for each kid), and all paper based stuff (party invites, letters, appointments) gets clipped to it. I go through it periodically and chuck the out of date stuff.

also liking the WhatsApp group idea

The WhatsApp group to DH is genius. I'm going to set one up too.

Like others, I try and add things to the calendar as soon as I can. I also set up several reminders for certain things. So if it's for parents evening. I'll have one for the night before and the morning so I can't forget.

Also snooze emails so I don't forget to deal with them