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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to impose curfew/alcohol limit within weeks of due date?

38 replies

Calmondeck · 22/07/2023 13:57

There are extremely valid reasons my DH had more than one too many wines with mates last night, came home in the early hours accidentally waking me and DC1.

BUT

The reality is, 37 weeks pregnant (waters broke at 37 weeks with DC1) and perhaps unreasonably cranky he could interrupt my sleep/risk not being able to be a good birth partner

AIBU to set some rules about time home/alcohol consumption or does that put me in the category of moody controlling pregnant lady?

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 22/07/2023 14:05

You can impose diddly squat. You can talk and suggest but adults don't get rules set by partners.
That being said it would be good if he did lay off it now.
Good luck

Flisss · 22/07/2023 14:07

I dont think anyone gets to impose any type of curfew on another adult. A conversation yes, imposing rules and curfews absolutely not.

Hollyisalrightactuallysorry · 22/07/2023 14:13

AIBU to set some rules? Yes...yes you are

Alternatively... "AIBU to ask my DH to be aware I may go into labour in the next 3 weeks and ask if he would stop drinking during this time so he could drive me?"
No, not unreasonable at all

TropicalTrama · 22/07/2023 14:29

Curfew and rules, no he’s not a teenager. Especially the curfew part since that’s just controlling for no reason e.g. he’s at a mate’s house 5 minutes away and sober he can get back should you go into labour just as easily at 2pm versus 2am. But asking him to stay local, not get shitfaced and be able to drive you to the hospital if that’s the plan is a totally reasonable ask.

BigButtons · 22/07/2023 14:31

You can tell him your concerns but in no way can you impose rules and curfews!

mrsm43s · 22/07/2023 14:35

You know he's an adult, right? Rules and curfews? Always controlling and unreasonable.

A conversation where you both agree what would happen, how you would get to hospital, who would be looking after your older child etc when you go into labour, which could be imminent, is sensible. Part of that might be, of course, that you jointly agree that he takes it easy on alcohol and stays reasonably local. Or it might not be if you have other viable options.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 22/07/2023 14:37

It's just bonkers that he hasn't realised this on his own! It's not rocket science that he needs to be compos mentis in the weeks leading up to the birth of his own child!

CornishGem1975 · 22/07/2023 14:40

AIBU to impose...yes you are always unreasonable to impose. He's not a child.

Imogensmumma · 22/07/2023 14:42

I’m going against the grain here!! I did - my DP drinks far too much and I made/ convinced him to have some time away from alcohol. I was concerned if I went into labour and he would be over the limit. I carried the baby during a stressful pregnancy for 8 months the least he could do was give up for a couple of weeks as my partner

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 22/07/2023 14:45

Yanbu.
He needs to be a grown up and support you in the last few weeks of a pregnancy. I hope the birth all goes well.
You've carried a child for all this time. He's being asked not to go on the piss for a bit. Not really much comparison there.

KarmaStar · 22/07/2023 16:31

Rules ? Controlling ?no wonder he had a few too many.

Luxell934 · 22/07/2023 16:37

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, your husband should be stepping up now to take care of you in the last few weeks of your pregnancy. He needs to be sober to be able to take you to the hospital and be a good birth partner when the time comes.

I think your choice of words "impose and curfew" are bad choices though, he doesn't need a curfew he's an adult, he can still go out, but he probably should stay sober from now on just in case. Surely as a loving husband he should be doing this anyway without being asked?

phoenixrosehere · 22/07/2023 16:44

I voted YANBU because he is acting like a teenager and the wording is deserved even if you can’t impose a curfew or rules onto an adult.

A capable, decent adult would consider past circumstances and not need to be asked to cut down so that they are alert and available to take their pregnant wife to the hospital for the birth of their child.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 22/07/2023 16:47

The fact that you need to tell him any of this is worrying. But if you have to, explain what you need, don’t impose rules on a grown man.

MintJulia · 22/07/2023 17:18

YABU.

You can ask him to stay close by and limit his drinking, but unless you have a firearm and are willing to use it, I don't see how you can impose a curfew on a grown man.

But if he doesn't want to put you first, I suggest you put the local taxi firm on standby, and find yourself another birth partner.

10HailMarys · 22/07/2023 18:12

YABU to talk about imposing limits and curfews on a grown adult. That is infantilising and weird. You’re not his mum.

YWNBU to just have a perfectly normal conversation with you partner about the fact that you could go into labour any time now and will therefore need him to be available and sober enough to accompany you to hospital.

Is your DS his? If so then it’s not like he doesn’t know what will be required of him when the new baby decides to arrive.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 22/07/2023 18:16

OP. I get it is annoying and hormones are raging but you sound unhinged. Evennof you imposed it what's to say he would actually do it? I'd tell him how you feel and get yourself a back up birthing partner.

Sapphire387 · 22/07/2023 18:43

You shouldn't have to. Any decent man would not be going out getting drunk when his wife could go into labour at any time.

Tbh, my DH hasn't drunk at all during my pregnancy - solidarity and all that. My first DH did the same. I didn't have to ask - both of them just did it of their own accord because they thought it was the decent thing to do.

Noicant · 22/07/2023 18:47

I would expect Dh to bloody know all by himself. If he didn’t then frankly yes I would, waters breaking and trying to get yourself and a 1yr old to hospital in the middle of the night would be a nightmare. It’s all he has to do, you are doing the heavy lifting here. Tbh I think he needs a chat about what being a responsible adult looks like.

RoseAndRose · 22/07/2023 18:52

I think you have worded your post infelicitously - though it does make it easy to say you are being moody and controlling.

You don’t get to set curfews on another adult, nor can you do much about how much they choose to drink.

You can have a sensible conversation to explain what you would like to happen, see how they respond, and maybe negotiate.

But if you find he’s not going to respond at all how you would prefer, then sort out back up plans for transport to the hospital/birth centre now

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 18:57

I get your point, but rules and curfews isn’t the way to put it.

YWNBU to agree with him a sensible time to come home and for him to stay within the drink drive limits

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 18:58

He should have thought of it by himself of course

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 22/07/2023 18:59

I remember the anxiety I felt when near to due date with DC and EX DP would get drunk every weekend. I used to ask him please keep to below the limit for driving in case you need to take me to hospital in a hurry for the birth. He wouldn't though. Luckily they were born in the middle of the week, but I understand how you are feeling. Good luck with everything, OP.

TeaKitten · 22/07/2023 19:00

You can discuss it, like adult parents do. But no you can’t impose limits and rules and a curfew on him, he isn’t the baby.

Dacadactyl · 22/07/2023 19:02

I mean, if this was a one off then I think YABU to bring it up at all.

However, if he's always out on the piss, then you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that it's not on. Tell him you expect him to be around more/not drinking because baby will be here soon and he needs to step up and be there for both of you.

If he has a problem with that, then I think your relationship is in trouble.