AIBU to impose curfew/alcohol limit within weeks of due date?

[Calmondeck]

There are extremely valid reasons my DH had more than one too many wines with mates last night, came home in the early hours accidentally waking me and DC1.

BUT

The reality is, 37 weeks pregnant (waters broke at 37 weeks with DC1) and perhaps unreasonably cranky he could interrupt my sleep/risk not being able to be a good birth partner

AIBU to set some rules about time home/alcohol consumption or does that put me in the category of moody controlling pregnant lady?

I can’t imagine being with someone so irresponsible and unaware of the realities of pregnancy and impending parenthood that they’d go and get smashed when I was that far along.

The fact you need to impose anything suggests you’re having a baby with someone who has no care for his responsibilities.

There's a post in Relationships about a DH getting hammered at 37 weeks and puking everywhere. I agree with the PPs, shame he's not seeing this for himself. You need to discuss with him. Not only re the birth and being sober to get you there and support you, but you have a DC already! You must be exhausted looking after both your child, your unborn baby, yourself and a man child that needs telling. You need him focused on family life from now and for the next 18 or so years.

Of course you are not being unreasonable, you are growing a new human. It is the very least he can do to not get wasted.

Definitely needs rules imposing if he hasn't managed to work out how to be a supportive husband himself.

You haven’t worded this well so everyone is going to jump on the fact that you want to ‘impose’ something on him. But in reality you’re not being unreasonable for the wanting him to be careful until baby comes, and for expecting him be on board with that. If he’s not, there are bigger issues here.

Some of the posters seems to have taken umbrage with your language rather than looking beyond it.

YANBU. What you are saying, under the words curfew etc. is, is it unreasonable to tell my DH he cannot go out on the jash this close to my due date? Or, is it reasonable to talk about serious consequences/ ultimatums if he continues to behave in such a reckless and selfish fashion when I could go into labour at any time now?

Sit him down, have a serious talk. He needs to sort his act out. If he cannot cope without partying, he needs to move out and you need to get family/ friends involved to support you.

It's really sad that you need to do that.

So what happens if/when he goes out with his mates and comes home late and drunk? Naughty step? Take his car away for a week?

By all means express that you’re not happy about his state but FFS he’s a grown man you can’t impose a curfew

Another low bar for some posters. He should know what should be expected of him. Bet OP hasn’t been getting drunk in the last few months. It’s a pity you have to do this but you need a conversation with him and hopefully he will engage brain

A conversation is fine and the right thing to do. Imposing rules and curfews is not.

Thanks everyone… yes I meant is it unreasonable to have that conversation… ie when is it being high maintenance (for example, I would never expect as PP mentioned an expectant father to cut all alcohol for 9 months) vs is 37 weeks reasonable to have the chat about shifting priorities/behaviour.

He has since acknowledged of his own accord that he drank too much and wasn’t feeling good about it. (This is not a habitual drinking problem.) But he followed up with saying he thought he had the green light to do some things for himself over these few final days… which a psychologist would have a field day unpacking

Definitely some ongoing trauma from DC1… I get the need to reset before starting again with DC2, but that mental process seems like something women have to do far earlier in the pregnancy

If you feel like you need to set rules, you’re having kids with the wrong person

Do they not already know the reality of your life right now?

Ah, that was me. I'm not high maintenance. Women have a hard time doing all the work growing a baby and it's expected they will give up alcohol too, for health reasons. I hardly think it's much of a hardship for men to also abstain, given they don't also have morning sickness, stretch marks, acid reflux, etc etc. As I say, I didn't have to ask mine to give up. I think you need to raise your expectations a little tbh - fair enough if you're not bothered about him drinking earlier on in the pregnancy. But of course you are not being unreasonable to ask him to abstain particularly when you're about to give birth. But he really should be able to see that for himself, without being asked.