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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who stare

50 replies

HellHathNoFurry · 22/07/2023 09:49

I went into doctors surgery yesterday, there was a woman talking to receptionist who then started typing into the computer. This woman then turned to look at me and stared at me as I approached the desk, once I was at said desk she carried on staring at me! I looked back at her thinking maybe I knew her but nope … so I looked away but she continued staring!! Finally the receptionist got her attention again and she looked away to talk to her but once receptionist was back on her computer she turned back to staring at me. Why do people do this?? It’s so bloody rude and weird. I wish now I’d just looked back at her and said “are you ok?” To see how she would respond!

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 22/07/2023 09:54

If it middle aged or older men staring at women, perving (plenty of examples no doubt).

Not the case from what you describe, you should have asked. Could have been something out of place or behind you, for example.

echt · 22/07/2023 09:54

YAB entirely U by calling your thread titled "people who stare" when it was one person whom you perceive as having stared at you.

Are you going to drip feed that you have two heads?

echt · 22/07/2023 09:55

If it middle aged or older men staring at women, perving (plenty of examples no doubt)

Ageist shite.

nonman · 22/07/2023 09:55

It’s possibly if she was older that she couldn’t even see you properly

Original poster
HellHathNoFurry · 22/07/2023 09:56

echt · 22/07/2023 09:54

YAB entirely U by calling your thread titled "people who stare" when it was one person whom you perceive as having stared at you.

Are you going to drip feed that you have two heads?

She’s not the only person in the world who stares though is she? My thread is about her and people like her

OP posts:
Original poster
HellHathNoFurry · 22/07/2023 09:56

nonman · 22/07/2023 09:55

It’s possibly if she was older that she couldn’t even see you properly

She was younger than me

OP posts:
Original poster
HellHathNoFurry · 22/07/2023 09:57

LlynTegid · 22/07/2023 09:54

If it middle aged or older men staring at women, perving (plenty of examples no doubt).

Not the case from what you describe, you should have asked. Could have been something out of place or behind you, for example.

There was a wall behind me

OP posts:
BluNomad · 22/07/2023 09:57

I’ve done that before if I think I recognise someone & I’m trying to place them. Probably does come across rude & bit strange but that wasn’t the intention, maybe she was doing that?

TrueScrumptious · 22/07/2023 09:58

Were you too close? Eavesdropping? Or she might have thought you were. We aren’t allowed to approach the reception desk if there’s someone already there. It’s one person at a time.

Tesoroxx · 22/07/2023 09:58

My daughter has adhd and one her her symptons is zoneing out she can be compleatly hard stareing at someone but have no idea she's doing it any chance she didn't actually realise she was doing it

ToxicBiennial · 22/07/2023 09:58

Some people are just a bit starey. It’s easy to personalise it (especially if you’re a bit paranoid like me! 😆)

HarveyDanger · 22/07/2023 09:59

Bloody hell, mn posters do my head in!

Of course OP yanbu! It was weird
of her to stare, yes other people do it too… it is very rude!

And no not every middle aged bloke stares at women!

Coffeetree · 22/07/2023 09:59

I see she stared as you approached. Any chance you were unwittingly standing closer than she wanted? Did you miss one of those " Please wait here" signs?

Because I confess I turned around and stared at someone in the same circumstances, when they'd ignored the "Please wait here" thingy and just stood breathing down my neck as I was trying to sort some medical stuff.

Notmineagain · 22/07/2023 10:00

Ok she stares but why do you care?? I've had this done to me, stare right back, ignore them or turn away. Nothing to get even remotely annoyed about.

Sigmama · 22/07/2023 10:01

I do that sometimes by mistake when im not concentrating and then snap back to reality to realise I'm staring at someone

SummerIsDismal · 22/07/2023 10:01

People stare at me all the time. Probably because I am fat and ugly. I just stare back or say in a very loud voice "I wonder what they are staring at" and look around all quizzacle. Usually embarrasses the majority of them. If you are fat and ugly like me then you will just have to get used to it. People are very rude.

TrueScrumptious · 22/07/2023 10:02

Yeah, surely you shouldn’t have approached the desk while she was there. I’d stare too if I thought you were pushing in.

Coastalcreeksider · 22/07/2023 10:18

TrueScrumptious · 22/07/2023 09:58

Were you too close? Eavesdropping? Or she might have thought you were. We aren’t allowed to approach the reception desk if there’s someone already there. It’s one person at a time.

I would have thought this too. My dad's surgery had a line painted that you could only cross and go up to the receptionist when person already there had moved away. It was to protect their privacy.

msbevvy · 22/07/2023 10:19

SummerIsDismal · 22/07/2023 10:01

People stare at me all the time. Probably because I am fat and ugly. I just stare back or say in a very loud voice "I wonder what they are staring at" and look around all quizzacle. Usually embarrasses the majority of them. If you are fat and ugly like me then you will just have to get used to it. People are very rude.

People aren't always looking at you when they appear to be staring. I "stare"without realising that I am doing it.
I am also very shy. I would be really upset if you spoke to me like that.

I haven't noticed anyone staring at me more since I became "fat and ugly" . If anything I have become invisible.

TwoManyKids · 22/07/2023 10:21

msbevvy · 22/07/2023 10:19

People aren't always looking at you when they appear to be staring. I "stare"without realising that I am doing it.
I am also very shy. I would be really upset if you spoke to me like that.

I haven't noticed anyone staring at me more since I became "fat and ugly" . If anything I have become invisible.

Show quote history

I'm the same. I stare because I'm quite day dreamy! Nothing personal to anyone. If someone spoke to me like that I'd probably hide away for a week.

ThisOldThang · 22/07/2023 10:28

I once watched a documentary about a charity called Facing The World. A young boy from Indonesia had travelled to London to have a huge tumour removed from his face. Before the operation, he had a few days in London with his family. The documentary team asked the boy if he liked London. He said he did because people didn't stare, point, laugh and mock him in the street.

It's certainly very rude to stare.

YANBU.

LaMaG · 22/07/2023 10:33

YANBU I absolutely hate it. I understand kids do it but no excuse for adults. Its like pointing at someone while talking, just plain rude. And the spacey zoning out thing is different I think, you can tell if it's a real stare or not.

MichelleScarn · 22/07/2023 10:36

TrueScrumptious · 22/07/2023 09:58

Were you too close? Eavesdropping? Or she might have thought you were. We aren’t allowed to approach the reception desk if there’s someone already there. It’s one person at a time.

This, there's probably going to be a thread with a pissed off patient and the nosy intruder who stood over her private discussion with the gp receptionist!

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 22/07/2023 10:39

I'm autistic and used to have a lot of people say 'what're you looking at thinking I was staring at them. I wasn't I was just completely zoned out.

NewName122 · 22/07/2023 10:40

My partner does this. He says he's used to wearing dark tinted glasses so never had to think 'don't stare' and when he wears normal glasses he realises it must look odd but it is a habit now. That's what he says, but he is on the spectrum and has lots of quirks. I see it as he trys to read people for too long, not noticing it's not a 'normal' thing to do. Then where he doesn't actually read people well at all he doesn't understand the 'wtf you looking at' looks he gets in return. I do tell him to look away if I notice.