I don’t want to be her maid of honour

[SugarOverload]

My sister has asked me to be her maid of honour.

We get on enough but we’re not as close as we used to be. Without going into long stories about past events, I find she can be entitled and lacks empathy. She’s the golden child and whenever she says something awful or does something ridiculous (to others) family say nothing. There are past things which I still think about now, that we’re just so out of order but family just sweep everything under the carpet.

Right now I try to be civil but also have taken a step back as to not get into situation where I feel hurt. I have tried to talk to her before but it has never gone well.

She’s asked me to be her maid of honour. We were out with family, a couple left for a smoke and another for the bathroom so it was just me and her. That’s when she asked me, a kind of ‘by the way will you be maid of honour’. And no mention of it when the others returned.

Separate to the way she asked, I don’t want to be running around her for months with more demands and expectations.

Best way to say no? There’ll likely be fallout from her and family.

This

OP you don’t have to be MOH if you don’t want to. You’ll face backlash whatever you decide.

If you agree you might be unable to meet her possible unrealistic expectations.If she complains to the family you will be blamed for it.

If you tell her you won’t be her MOH you’ll be blamed as well seeing as you’re the scapegoat.

If you don’t want to be call her (ouch but needs to be done) and tell her you can’t be her MOH. It’s up to you what you commit yourself to.

As for your family- you don’t have to JADE- justify, argue,defend or explain. You’re an adult and can live your life the way you want without getting the guilt trips and emotional blackmail.

Just say you've been thinking about it and you're really touched she's asked you but you 'don't think you'd be able to do the job as well as she deserves' so you think she should ask someone else.

You need to bring it up and be proactive and direct.

”I’m looking forward to planning your hen, but I don’t want to take on the MoD role. It was lovely of you to ask it’s just not
something I want to take on”.

do it soon or you age making it a bigger deal and more of an issue.

who cares if it causes drama in the wider family. If they treat you badly you should start moving away from needing their approval if you can.

I.wss my sister,s maid of honour I got a pretty dress and bunnch of flowers to.holdand a few photographs ,I also helped herto.thetoilet with her train etc and that was it.

This is what I did at my sister's wedding. I'm not really sure what the months of running around entail.

Nor can I see the issue with the way she asked you.
There is a thread running filled with absolute horror at the way a man proposed to his girlfriend so publicly, it was awful. I'm not sure if you were hoping for that ?
Asking you privately, doesn't put you on the spot, so makes much more sense to me.

Sooner you tell her that you will not be her maid of honour the better really .
You don't have to give a detailed reason as to why you are turning her down

I don't understand what was wrong with the way she asked you.
What demands do you think she will make that you wouldn't be happy with?
Unless you genuinely think she will be a drama llama bridezilla and make your life a misery I would do it to be honest, you have already agreed to organise the hen do which will be the biggest job.

I think it's bizarre that you're worried about her (potential) demands and expectations, when one thing you mentioned is that you're not happy with the way she asked you. Maybe she had considered you might refuse so didn't want to put you in an awkward position in front of others, hence asking when it was just the two of you.

She organised your hen do (a big job for anyone to take on) and you weren't happy with it.

Perhaps you've given poor examples, but from where I'm standing it looks like it's you with the expectations and demands.

Perfect. Suggest she asks a friend instead due to your heavy work load so wouldn't be able to do the role justice.

Keep it short and simple and just say no.

Hi sister that thinks it’s fine to treat people like crap then plays he weee family so forgive card when she wants something lol

If you are already organising the hen do I am not sure why you wouldn't just say yes. Presumably she will have other bridesmaids to help out. Otherwise I think it will make your already strained relationship worse. Honestly if I had asked my sister and she said she would think about it I wouldn't be happy either. My sister didn't ask me to be her MOH as I was pregnant. Bit drastic to do that though.

If you really don't want to do it because you don't like her then it doesn't matter what you say as presumably you won't mind damaging your relationship with her. She can't help how the rest of her family treat her if you feel she is favoured. Sounds like the rest of your family are to blame for that.

Tbf you don’t sound very nice/ sisterly.