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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS form class in comp

37 replies

Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 08:54

DS is off to comp in September and I’ve recently found out that he’s been put in a supported form class (he’s on the pathway for ADHD.) The supported form class will mean that there will be more TA support and he will have more support with his work etc.

Unfortunately, his friendship group from primary are all in another form class together and he is upset that he is separated from them all.

DH and I explained to our son that we would request for him to be in a class with his friends but unfortunately this was before we knew about the supported form class.

School have said they could possibly move him to be with his friends but this would mean less support. He is extremely close to all the boys and has been with them all since nursery.

He doesn’t know that he’s on the pathway for ADHD.

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 22/07/2023 08:58

Friendships change a lot at the start of secondary and subject classes will eventually be mixed across from groups so there is plenty of room for interaction with other forms. If he has additional needs that will be better met in this class, I wouldn't move him.

Does he know this is an extra support form? You need to tell him - it will be very obvious at school that there is a specific grouping.
Does he think he needs extra support?

DisquietintheRanks · 22/07/2023 09:03

He doesn't know he's on the pathway for ADHD

Well this is where you start: he needs to know.

Does he need more support in class? What will happen if he doesn't get it?

It's tricky. If he does have adhd you, he and the school will need to work as a team. But I can see linking his potential adhd to not being able to be with his friends isn't going to help him accept it.

Outwiththenorm · 22/07/2023 09:04

That’s a tough one. What did his primary school say? How much support is he likely to need? Friends are so important at that age but he will also certainly make new ones.

(I also understand why the school is doing this and on paper it seems like a good use of support staff, but also a bit concerning at children with additional needs being segregated from others.)

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 22/07/2023 09:04

He doesn't know he's on the pathway for ADHD

this is where you’re going wrong…

Jwhb · 22/07/2023 09:05

Does he need extra support with learning? Is he a long way behind peers?

EmeraldFox · 22/07/2023 09:06

You are seeking a diagnosis for an 11 year old without their knowledge or consent?

BoohooWoohoo · 22/07/2023 09:07

I think that you should tell your son about the ADHD pathway before someone at school who knows about the supported form tells your son. Some kids will know because they have been told that they are in that form, have a sibling or know an older child who was in that form. I'm

Heronwatcher · 22/07/2023 09:11

Yes you should tell your son about the ADHD pathway- these days there’s little or no stigma attached to it. In terms of moving him I think I’d be explaining that form time is very limited and seeing how he gets on, in the longer term the extra support he will get is likely to be more helpful. That said I totally understand why he’s upset.

Original poster
Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:13

He’s only recently been put on the ADHD pathway. At a meeting with his primary SENCO I asked him for advice about discussing this with my son and he strongly recommended not telling him until he has an official diagnosis but this could take years unfortunately.

We discuss ADHD a lot in our house. Youngest is autistic, I’m on the pathway myself for ADHD and we talk a lot about brain differences and how his brain works a little bit differently to others. We haven’t officially told him he’s on the pathway though.

OP posts:
QuillBill · 22/07/2023 09:14

I think it's best to leave them to find new friends in secondary. It could be an advantage not being with people from primary. He will still have them as friends but will meet new people too.

The school will have lots of things going on to help them break the ice with each other. Those who hang on to their previous friends may miss out on the chance to talk to new people.

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 09:17

I have kids in support class in high school. The whole school knows they are supoort classes and some kids do make unkind comments so you are going to need to prepare him. I wouldn't move him esp since he is undiagnosed and unmedicated. High school can be very unstructured in the sense they need to get themselves to classed, record their own homework, he will need the support

Original poster
Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:19

Jwhb · 22/07/2023 09:05

Does he need extra support with learning? Is he a long way behind peers?

He does need extra support with his learning, frustratingly he is very bright but if left to his own devices he will do little to no work 😞

OP posts:
QuillBill · 22/07/2023 09:21

You've answered your own question then. Grin He needs the support and he's going to be getting it.

I genuinely wouldn't be concerned about the friends issue.

Original poster
Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:22

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 09:17

I have kids in support class in high school. The whole school knows they are supoort classes and some kids do make unkind comments so you are going to need to prepare him. I wouldn't move him esp since he is undiagnosed and unmedicated. High school can be very unstructured in the sense they need to get themselves to classed, record their own homework, he will need the support

Thats what worries me is the self led learning, the having to be organised and remember where he needs to be, he is going to massively struggle. Would you know if being in a supported form will mean all the kids will have supported classes for every subject or will they be integrated with the other kids in other subjects?

OP posts:
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 22/07/2023 09:22

Kids make new friends very quickly for the most part when they start secondary.

seems strange advice not to tell an 11 year old what’s going on with them, but I guess they have their reasons to suggest it’s got the best.

is it just a form class and then they move to other classes for lessons? if so I would t worry as they don’t spend all that long in their form anyway and he may benefit from a more supportive environment.

Curioushorse · 22/07/2023 09:24

Is he going to be in many lessons with his form class? In most of the schools I've worked kids would only be in that class for registration and then PSHCE.

If he's attained lower grades or been struggling academically he is likely to be setted into different classes from his primary school friends anyway....

Original poster
Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:30

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 22/07/2023 09:04

He doesn't know he's on the pathway for ADHD

this is where you’re going wrong…

His senco strongly recommended not telling him until diagnosis but this could take years. He knows he had extra support in Primary and needs extra help with work etc. DH and I will talk to DS soon about everything.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 09:31

Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:22

Thats what worries me is the self led learning, the having to be organised and remember where he needs to be, he is going to massively struggle. Would you know if being in a supported form will mean all the kids will have supported classes for every subject or will they be integrated with the other kids in other subjects?

Show quote history

Every school is different. And how they stream their subjects. I would ring school and ask to speak to sen staff and get structure explained

Original poster
Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:32

Curioushorse · 22/07/2023 09:24

Is he going to be in many lessons with his form class? In most of the schools I've worked kids would only be in that class for registration and then PSHCE.

If he's attained lower grades or been struggling academically he is likely to be setted into different classes from his primary school friends anyway....

What is PSHCE? Definitely will contact the school or arrange a meeting in September to discuss exactly how this supported form works.

OP posts:
Nephthys21 · 22/07/2023 09:36

I would be discussing further with the Senco the rationale for not telling him what people are considering. Where I am, ADHD assessment requires a referral to CAMHS and if it was for a cognitively able 11 year old we would expect him to know why we were seeing him and agree to the process (parents would give consent at that age but he gets a say in it too and has a right to know about his own health care)

Original poster
Bigjamsandwich · 22/07/2023 09:49

Thank you. At this stage we’ve only sent the ADHD questionnaires off (parental questionnaires and school ones)

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 22/07/2023 09:55

Are you sure all his primary friends are in one class together?

This seems unlikely and kids can get things wrong, or have you heard via the parents?

We have PSHE at our place Personal, Social and Health Education. The C may stand for Community or something.

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 09:56

Your on pathway. I'd discuss your possible diagnosis with dc. Then say to him that perhaps he might be like you and that your going to see the Dr to talk about him and adhd. You talk about brains working differently etc so talk to him about why you think he may have this and why he may feel the way he does.
I found it helpful to have a list of famous people with adhd. Also setting up mechanisms to help himself. Like phone reminders, voice recording reminders for hw etc

Tiredalwaystired · 22/07/2023 09:59

Every parent and child worries about friendship groups before secondary school. This is perfectly normal for you both to be worried about.

But in virtually every case it ceases to be an issue within a week or two. Friendships form, strengthen or fall back in equal measure. Even if he was in the form with his friends there is no guarantee they will hang out as much in six months and he will have lost all that extra support.

For my two pennies, I say get him the extra help, but have a conversation with him about his ADHD.

JudgeRudy · 22/07/2023 10:01

I get that on the face of it it seems odd that you haven't told him he's 'on the pathway' but not everything requires a specific sit down conversation. It sounds like neurodiversity is something that's discussed naturally within your home so he's probably already wondered where he fits in.
My first task would be to establish exactly what this class involves. How does it differ in its teaching methods other than by having additional teaching assistance. My concern would be that rather than offering a tailored teaching environment its more of a dumping ground for those that might be disruptive.
I hate using these words but to an extent when it comes to our kids, it's everyman for himself. If your son's differences aren't extreme and he has decent friends and is academically on target it might be beneficial having him in a mainstream class. If he's the most neurological pupil in the SEN class he might find it chaotic/dumbed down.
On the flip side in a mainstream class he could find it soul destroying always being 'that kid'...forgotten his pen, knocked over the paint, cut his finger, got told off for taking etc...constantly told what he's doing wrong. The SEN class might recognise that he needs to be allowed to 'think out loud', maybe more kinetic learning, having a TA to remind him every lesson to put ghe date and topic in his book etc.
If he goes into the mainstream class and it doesn't work out I'm assuming he could transfer. I'd imagine it's less likely to happen the other way around.To make the right decision you need more information. Ultimately I'd go with my instincts.

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