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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just got invited to something because someone dropped out - should I care?

36 replies

Shouldilastmin · 21/07/2023 22:03

Very last minute, I just got invited to something because the other person going dropped out and there was space.

Should I care? Part of me feels huffy, the other part of me thinks I’m being unreasonable!

It’s not something that very much only has space for two people. I don’t want to say too much because it’s weirdly specific and outing (and perhaps not that important). But the other person was clearly the favourite to go.

Am I just being petty? I’d like to go. Should I just go and not care that I wasn’t first invited?

OP posts:
Merveille · 21/07/2023 22:04

Well, do you want to go or not? If you’d been asked ahead of the other person, would you have said yes?

ICantThinkOfOne13 · 21/07/2023 22:04

No advice I'm afraid as I'd feel the same. Always second best...

Original poster
Shouldilastmin · 21/07/2023 22:05

I would have said yes - and I still want to go. But feel little hurt I wasn’t first choice! Not sure if I’m being petty in being hurt!

OP posts:
Thethingswedoforlove · 21/07/2023 22:06

My dd always has such a great attitude to this situation. Surely it’s better to be invited and to go? Go! Have fun! Would you have picked that person as your no 1 choice? Even so does it really matter?

ClearConfusion · 21/07/2023 22:09

Will you regret not going? If so, then go and absolutely enjoy it, don’t let any resentment spoil your day.

Lolloped · 21/07/2023 22:10

Focus on the positive of being invited. I invited someone to something after someone else declined but I’m actually really excited about going with my second choice and think it’s going to be better than my original choice.

Chances are they planned this together rather than not choosing you. In fact the drop out person could have been the organiser. Don’t overthink it - just go and have fun.

Maireas · 21/07/2023 22:11

What is it? Theatre event, dinner party, wedding?

lljkk · 21/07/2023 22:13

How many people in world do you think you should be first best to them, you should always be their first choice?

How many people in world are first best to you, they (each and everyone) is your first choice? and how do you manage that big group when you can't make it happen in reality.

bridgetreilly · 21/07/2023 22:13

Are you under 11? If not, stop acting like a child who thinks of friends in order of preference and just go!

CrazyArmadilloLady · 21/07/2023 22:14

Go and have fun - you might be their first choice next time!

Instawars · 21/07/2023 22:14

Have you been invited to cover a ticket cost? Will you be at home wishing that you were there?
I wouldn’t go, but I am very much cut my nose off to spite my face type. A better person than me would go, have a lovely time and make the host wish they’d invited me all along.

ChristmasFluff · 21/07/2023 22:15

If I wanted to go, I'd def go. There's clearly SOME numbers thing going on otherwise they wouldn't be doing a 'one out - one in' thing.

And it might even mean you increase your social standing so you replace dropout person.

saraclara · 21/07/2023 22:16

I'm not proud. I'd just be glad to be first reserve frankly. Better than being one of the people behind me in priority.

Simplelobsterhat · 21/07/2023 22:17

Reframe this. Out of all the people they know, you were number 2 to invite. That's pretty good! And there could be all sorts of resins the original plan was made with who it was. People are allowed more than one friend and not everyone wants everything to be a big group event.

5128gap · 21/07/2023 22:17

It depends. If we were three supposedly equal friends who all knew each other, I'd be huffy at being second choice.
If they'd been going with another friend outside of our group, and that person dropped out I'd be fine with it.
I'd also be fine if it was someone obviously closer to them, best friend, sister etc.

UnNiddeRides · 21/07/2023 22:18

My parents were invited to the wedding of a long-standing friend’s daughter. Two months later my sister & I were invited. The mother of the bride said ‘you’re not stupid, you know that others have dropped out’. We went & had a great time without feeling second best. Just go if you want to.

TheModHatter · 21/07/2023 22:21

Someone had to be the first person to be asked!

No need to take it personally. In your shoes, if I wanted to go I would be delighted. Probably say ‘oh no poor xxxx who can’t go’, and have a great time.

However, I think you should decline and let them find someone else who will accept with pleasure and no self absorbed carping.

GameOverBoys · 21/07/2023 22:24

People make plans when they are together or because someone mentions something in conversation. They’re not leaving you out, you can’t invite everyone you know to everything. If all your pals were going and not you then that’s different.

MiladyBlue · 21/07/2023 22:26

I was once invited in a ‘we have a spare ticket available as x can’t make it’ way and it never occurred to me to feel miffed. I thought ‘how lovely they thought of me’ and It was only around 4 hours notice so I was too busy focusing on what to wear tbh.
I had an amazing time.

YukoandHiro · 21/07/2023 22:27

If you want to go, surely be chuffed that the opportunity has unexpectedly arisen?

Don't go through life looking for reasons to be miserable, you'll find way too many of them...

Original poster
Shouldilastmin · 21/07/2023 22:27

Ahh you’re right! Ok I’m going and will embrace it! We can’t all be everyone’s first choice - you’re all so right!

OP posts:
ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 22:29

If I was being invited because someone was going to lose money from someone dropping out then I wouldnt go. But if it was down to car space or something practical then I would

5128gap · 21/07/2023 22:30

lljkk · 21/07/2023 22:13

How many people in world do you think you should be first best to them, you should always be their first choice?

How many people in world are first best to you, they (each and everyone) is your first choice? and how do you manage that big group when you can't make it happen in reality.

Its a challenge all right. I have to sell raffle tickets.

Circumferences · 21/07/2023 22:30

I suppose it depends on context.

If a group of five friends all organised something leaving one person out (you) so then you only found out about the thing after one of your friends said "I can't go to this great thing anymore so you're invited now" I'd be hugely pissed off and would reconsider my friendship with all of them.

If two friends had organised a thing then one friend was switched to you instead of the other I'd be pleased for the opportunity.

What exactly happened OP,?

tescocreditcard · 21/07/2023 22:31

It depends how often it happens

The last four times i've been invited out with friends it was because someone else dropped out. I don't mind. I really don't. If I want to go i'll go. But for fucks sake, would it kill them to have thought of me and invited me in the first place.

I'm in two minds whether to say something about it to them.