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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About school attendance?

106 replies

AutieNOT0tie · 21/07/2023 20:08

My dd school reward high attendance (98%)
This year they hired a Ice-cream van and all the children who got 98 or higher got to leave the classroom 30 min before end of lesson and have a Ice cream in full view of the other kids who had to continue with their work. (But could see the playground) this is primary age. Is it just me or is this mean?
Baring in mind some kids are disabled and have time off for hospital appointments/treatments. My child had a sickness bug and covid - we followed school policy.

OP posts:
QuinnofHearts · 21/07/2023 23:36

This is really mean. My son has a cardiac condition so we have a few days off because of appointments. Can't help it, consultants don't run clinics after 4pm or on weekends!

theclockticksslowly · 21/07/2023 23:44

Seashor · 21/07/2023 21:23

I don’t believe you. 98/100 for effort but this is wind up bollocks.

I’m afraid this happens in lots of schools. At my DC’s school they use to have all the children with 100% attendance go to a special ‘afternoon tea’ with the senior teachers and governors on one of the last days of summer term. They thankfully haven’t restarted this (yet) since covid but instead hand out 100% attendance certificates at the end of every term and those children with 100% attendance across the whole year get a special badge to wear for the next year! It’s disgusting for all the reasons that have already been mentioned.

My DC has been fortunate this year to have 100% attendance in the summer term. The attendance certificate is referred to as “the ‘well done’ for being lucky not to be ill certificate” in this house.

Original poster
AutieNOT0tie · 21/07/2023 23:49

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus it was Wednesday when the ice cream van came. They finished today (Friday)

OP posts:
waterst · 21/07/2023 23:59

BigBeeee · 21/07/2023 22:30

Yabu, let the children who went to school every day enjoy their ice cream.

The ones with ice creams had probably been knowingly sent in throughout the year under the weather, spreading their germs to kids whose parents do the right thing and keep them off.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 22/07/2023 00:45

Dh school does not do this. Yes they encourage good attendance but as a pp said if a child isnt taken to school its not the child's fault so the child isnt punished.
And as another pp said often kids who have 98/100% attendance often shouldn't have, they came into school when unwell and really should have been at home, spreading the germs to others whose parents then keep them off!

BoBoHill · 22/07/2023 00:50

My DS got a certificate this year for improved attendance - he went from 70% earlier in the year to 90%. I thought it was quite a good idea rewarding improvement. Especially in my DS case where some was illness and some was ‘forgetting’ to go

Glitterblue · 22/07/2023 01:06

I hate these rewards. One year, they let everyone with 97% attendance have an own clothes day, and DD and one other girl were the only ones in their class in uniform. DD gets migraines and at that time was getting one every 4 weeks. She was upset because she felt she was being punished and felt she was made to stand out.

I've noticed over the last 5 weeks on the school app, DD's attendance has only gone from 94.2 to 94.3% and she has been in every single day. I thought perhaps it was a glitch but 94.3% is the figure on her report which came home yesterday. It's not a big deal, I'm just a but confused as to why it's never gone up more.

4catsaremylife · 22/07/2023 01:30

My DD had horrendous MH during her secondary school and had truly abismal attendance, we had EWO on many occasions. They would ask how can we help? I'd say "stop my beautiful talented daughter, from wanting to die please"
They usually left at that point, until the next visit.
She's 30 now, and a successful journalist who gets to interview famous people for a living and travels the globe attending film festivals. She's won awards for her work.
People say you must be so proud.
I am so proud that every day she gets up and goes to work, because I know that on many days despite appearances she still battles those same demons that she fought while at school. Attendance awards are unfair, divisive and blame children for being ill.

Glitterblue · 22/07/2023 02:24

This has all made me think about couple of jobs I've had in the past - I suffer from severe migraines, as does DD, and really can't be in work with one, although 2 workplaces have made me try. They're so bad I usually vomit, lose my vision, my speech gets slurred and pain is so bad I can barely sit up. I had one job where i worked for 2 departments and had to basically get permission from both line managers if I needed to go home. One was lovely and would notice the minute I was starting with a migraine and tell me to go home but of course I had to check with the other line manager and she would tell me to go and have a sleep on the floor under her desk if she wasn't using her office, and try to stick the day out! One of those times I ended up throwing up all over her office as I tried to make a run for the toilet which was 2 floors below 🙈 Another job they kept calling me in for meetings to ask how they could support me to get my attendance up - it wasn't like i was off loads, maybe once every 2 months but if i didn't get migraines i'd rarely be off. It wasn't done in a nice way either, it was very patronising - the kind of meetings where they're deadly serious and over-use your name! I'm on prescribed medication to try to prevent them, I've seen specialists, I've kept diaries, nobody could work out what my triggers are - they're just random. Few bosses have realised that if they force me to stay, I can easily end up with a much worse one that then keeps me off for 3 days because i absolutely can't manage out of bed but it could have been one day had they allowed me to go home! I've stopped trying to struggle in with them now and just stay off.

FeigningConcern · 22/07/2023 03:24

That's fucking disgusting and discriminatory. And I would blame the school. They choose how to go about the diktat to improve attendance.

Did you know in advance? As PPs have said I'd have been tempted to hire my own fucking ice cream van and sit outside the school giving all the other kids an icecream!

I certainly would have been at the school gate with one for my DC.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 22/07/2023 06:24

Disgusting and if I knew that was happening at my DD's school I would challenge it and failing that keep her home for the day. She has a chronic illness that causes most kids to struggle with 50% attendance but she is lucky and manages over 90% thanks to her new treatment regime.

I'm on a Facebook group for parents of kids with this condition and the number of teenagers who are refused access to their leavers prom or to reward days due to low attendance is disgusting.

AuntieStella · 22/07/2023 06:31

YANBU

I hate these sorts of awards, which essentially reward those with normal health who have not encountered anything infectious

One of my DC had a friend with a long term health conditions, and his parents absolutely moved mountains to have him in school as much as physically possible - but he was hospitalised frequently (and they moved more mountains to augment co-operation between the school and the hospital school). Mercifully, we didn't have awards/penalties based on health - but if we had, it was that boy who deserved to be celebrated

herbygarden · 22/07/2023 06:31

YADNBU - I would 100% be complaining! Both my boys are on about 95/96% and only missed an odd day for ear infection, tummy trouble etc or mainly when the school send them home when they just moaned a bit and then the second they get home they are absolutely fine!

TotalllyTireddd · 22/07/2023 07:33

I've always hated the attendance thing.

So Billy gets rewarded with ice cream/certificate/etc.. for his parents sending him in ill to infect all the other kids. Meanwhile Chloe had to miss the school trip because Billy gave her a stomach bug.

The whole attendance system is mad. At primary school age kids have zero control over their attendance - it's dependant on illness and on parents decisions. Why reward a child for something they had no control over whatsoever?

Nervouswreck25 · 22/07/2023 07:39

i have a very poorly DC who spends months at a time In hospital and that’s besides the point when no primary school aged child is responsible for their attendance.
whether it be health including mental
health, holidays , lazy parenting, none of them are the ever the child’s fault.

Fairislefandango · 22/07/2023 07:41

Work on the last day? Sure they did!

Hmm Where did OP say it was on the last day?

YANBU, OP. Yes, blame the system, but aldo blame the school. They didn't have to choose such a blatant way of rewarding the students in front of all the others.

Original poster
AutieNOT0tie · 22/07/2023 07:41

herbygarden · 22/07/2023 06:31

YADNBU - I would 100% be complaining! Both my boys are on about 95/96% and only missed an odd day for ear infection, tummy trouble etc or mainly when the school send them home when they just moaned a bit and then the second they get home they are absolutely fine!

Same my sons was 96.5

OP posts:
LuvSmallDogs · 22/07/2023 07:42

My DC would be upset by this, they've never had the kind of super high attendance that gets rewarded but are only ever off when sick!

They all had chicken pox this year, and my eldest took 10 days for all the blisters to scab - he also took a week off for D&V last September, because any stomach bug that makes the rest of the family vom once has him vomming for a week.

Not DS1's fault, and not me being too lazy to get him to school!

Parker231 · 22/07/2023 07:47

It’s wrong and discriminatory. Have you challenged the school head and the governors as to why they feel this system is appropriate and acceptable?
I was a school governor for 15 years - thankfully we didn’t have these stupid attendance awards.

Dinofuror · 22/07/2023 07:47

There is a tonne of pressure on schools to incentives attendance, but thankfully we don't do rewards for those who have above an arbitrary amount. For starters it doesn't get to the root of the issue at all, if it is parents not bringing them to school for example it doesn't change anything. If it's due to illness then it's also not the child's fault. Whilst there are some illnesses it's good to push through with its not good to encourage parents to send children in who are poorly and contagious with something gross beyond a cold or whatever; we often have chicken pox before they've scabbed, children saying they were sick loads yesterday or that they had a temp and had calpol before school (this isn't just down to attendance awards I know).

In one of my placement schools a fair few years back now the class I was in had a child with CF. In the 6 weeks I was there they had to have a fair amount of that off for appointments and because they weren't well enough for school, the days they were in were a real challenge for them and it was a testament to their want to learn and to see their friends. They were so upset when it came to discussing the attendance awards, broke my heart and I always said I'd find other ways to acknowledge. It's one of those things especially at primary level that's so dependent on parents, luck, health that it's not neglecting to do nice things just as some miss out and life's not fair imo.

I disagree with the government and their monitoring of attendance though, if they actually invested in stuff that helps families then it would be fairer.

Bliss1221 · 22/07/2023 07:51

Whole british education system is a fail, from the dress code to the fail results. Other countries school ratings are made up from the exam results not attendance, what a great way to encourage disregard from early age to ones own health by having to keep eye on some meaningless attendance score and attend school and spread bugs even if the child is sick. Im surprised more parents dont home ed their kids.

Mummadeze · 22/07/2023 07:53

Wow, this is awful. I would be complaining to
the school. My DD has been so mentally ill this term that the school told me to keep her at home for several weeks out of the term because being there wasn’t fair and she wasn’t coping. She felt guilty missing school and if she was in this situation it would have made her feel terrible.

BluNomad · 22/07/2023 07:59

It’s not ableist at all, that would imply that the only kids with poor attendance are those with disabilities & that simply isn’t true. My DD has poor attendance (by schools standard) but she has no disabilities whatsoever. Tbh I don’t think she’d care about someone getting an ice cream for best attendance, it’s quite trivial really but not sure I know of any schools local to me that do it at end of year.

ChimChimeny · 22/07/2023 08:03

Our primary did certificates for term and year attendance, the kids who had 100% for the year were put in a prize draw to win a Nintendo switch. There were 18 out of 300, it just shows how hard it is to never have a day off.

RightOnTheEdge · 22/07/2023 08:06

Seashor · 21/07/2023 21:23

I don’t believe you. 98/100 for effort but this is wind up bollocks.

Have you really never heard of this kind of thing before?

My kids school used to have a special party for 100% attendance. The ones who didn't get 100% had to stay in class.
There was a school in the papers this week who took all the kids with 100% to Mcdonalds!