How often do you see your dm

[Holdupman]

My dm wants to see me every day she calls texts Mon stop and if I don’t answer I’m doing something awful

I love my dd but can’t imagine doing this to her
what does a healthy dm/dd relationship look like ???

Once a week we go for dinner, obviously at other times also birthdays etc or just because bit but not often cause life gets in the way.
Speak or text every other day. She's on her own so like to check in on her

That sounds perfect and what I would love x

No idea what a healthy one looks like.

My DM used to be like yours though. I once had over 100 missed calls from her in the space of 2 hours because I’d left my phone in my room. she moved to be closer to me when I went to uni.

with mums like this you have to have strong boudaries and constantly be aware of keeping the distance so they don’t overrun your life. I have held good boudaries for about 8/9 years now. See her once a week, call once a week and occasional texts. To get there I basically ignored her for 6 weeks when she didn’t reduce her contact after being asked repeatedly. Since then she’s never been so bad. Currently things are getting harder again because she and father are starting to need care….however I know I’ll do what I can to maintain boundaries.

your mum won’t change. You need to change how you deal with her. Decide what level of contact you are happy with and enforce that. Ignore if you have to, be blunt “no you can’t visit me now”. Do whatever you need to get to a healthy place for you.

Probably more than average. I see mine once or twice a week, but that's because we live close by, walk our dogs together, and are genuinely good friends. We also message on WhatsApp sporadically through the week, just little updates or "look at this cool plant I found" or sending pictures of the dogs, nothing exciting. But we'll usually speak to each other in some way every day.

Yours sounds very, very full on, even to me.

My mom takes care of DS when
I’m working. So we’ll be in each other’s house. We’ll socialize together as well, with DS. She’s never texted me ever. We’ll chat on the phone to make arrangements.

I have a high amount of calls too and if I don’t answer she won’t listen I reason like iv been at work. Sometimes her abuse/paranoia/insecurity however you want to term it has led to me feeling I just want to end things. Because I’m never going to donor be enough for her abs my life is every day filled with demands or criticism of me as a daughter a mother a person
I’m never going to be enough

When my darling Mum was alive I probably saw her every week or two weeks . I spoke to her on the phone 3-4 times a week. Sadly the day I was going to call her was the day before she died very suddenly . Have felt so sad about that . I was delayed getting home that day .😞

@Holdupman oh that’s awful that the situation had left you feeling so awful and down. Sadly our mothers sound very similar. They’re an awful drain and they want to drain from you 24/7!!

Do you have siblings?

Do you feel able to start putting in boundaries with her? Sounds like you need to. It’ll be hard, because she’ll push against them, but if Ty get over that bump it sounds like it would make your life less stressful.

mostly just know…..her behaviour isn’t normal. She’s being unkind and selfish. She is the problem. It’s ok if you need to ignore her or take other measures. Whatever you have to do it is a result of her unreasonable behaviour.

Erm I would talk to my mum all day of I could lol..speak,text several times a day and daily visits. Adore my parents so doesn't bother me

When my mom was still alive I saw her about once a year. She lived too far away for us to manage more often. We tried to alternate who made the trip.

Every few months because we don't live close by if we did then I'd probably pop in once a weeek

I see my Mum a couple of times a week. We speak on the phone usually a couple of times a day.

My dm has passed away now but ever since l left home l saw her once a week and one call unless there was some news or excitement to discuss. Never once in all those years did she make a demand on me to come more often etc.
My dc are now adults. We randomly message on a family WhatsApp, call weekly usually and they visit whenever suits. To be honest l am busier than they are so l am never sitting waiting for a visit.

It's too much for you . Can you schedule a call say every Wednesday evening and visit at the weekend for an hour or two. The terrible thing is these mums drive their kids away hounding them. Their huge demands would drive anyone to no contact. Could you get some counselling for yourself to plan a way of getting her to back off. Believe me you are not a bad dd. She is being totally unreasonable.

Every day. I'm her carer. :(

Once a week and a couple of phone calls (she would never text or WhatsApp). My DM is 90 and in good health and fiercely independent with a good circle of friends, hobbies & interests. She is very conscious of not wanting to be 'a nuisance', we are 'close' but have never lived in each other's pockets or been over dependent on each other. I am aware that I do need to spend a little more time with before it's too late and/or she needs more actual care.

When you say 'feeling I just want to end things' do you mean end your life or end the relationship?

Please speak to someone, like the Samaritans or a counsellor, if you mean end your life.

A mother shouldn't make their child feel overwhelmed, you're entitled to space to live your own life.

About twice a year , due to distance and us having a poor relationship.

2-3 times a week. My parents live super close to us and we have an amazing relationship.

Around 2-4 times a week depending on what we’ve got going on. Daily would be too much for me, I don’t even want to see DH that much.

I see my mum about once a fortnight and speak to her once or twice a week. Occasionally sent her WhatsApp if I’ve seen something relevant and want tj share it with her.

You should address the issue with her and find her things to do locally for older people. So over 55s lunch clubs, social groups etc.

My mum is 72 (dad a bit younger, but retired) and we see them a couple of times a year because of distance. We speak on the phone on average once a week.

They're very busy and always out doing things.

My in laws live round the corner and we see them once or twice a week, depending on what we've got going on.

If my parents lived more locally we'd see them more often.

As little as possible.

Maybe once a year.

Not often tbh , rarely rings. Always been this way. I’ve given up . I’m sad about it as my parents are elderly now so I try and go to see them when I can. I’ve never had any help with my dcs, never gone with me and my dcs to playground , buggy walks etc . It was the same per-dcs , just no interest whatsoever , I tried to do the whole “can we hang out and be a mum and daughter but she never wanted to go for coffee or spend time together 🤷🏻‍♀️ Obviously not going to happen now. Different world to a lot around me and on here tbh.

See her once a week properly, so a morning out together with tea and cake.

Then chat on the phone three times a week and text chat every day.

I have sisters who all do similar so she's quite busy with us all.