Bins going out - WIBU to bin exH's irreplaceable belongings?

[BlowDryRat]

ExH and I have been separated/divorced for nearly 10 years. I bought him out of the house as part of the divorce process a year after we separated. He was invited to collect his belongings still at the house but didn't bother.

This included a whole heap of bags and boxes full of crap in the loft. In the last few years, I've been chucking a box every time I go up there and have made a lot of progress. I give them a quick check but don't go through everything. Last time I brought a box down, I saw it was full of his journals and photos from when he went travelling for a couple of years. These are all handwritten/old-school prints so irreplaceable. I chucked the lot in the bin.

The bins are being collected tomorrow and I'm having second thoughts. He was an absolute bastard to me both during and since our marriage and I don't feel like I owe him anything. OTOH, they're personal and irreplaceable. OTOOH, if he cared about them that much then he could have collected them any time in the last 10 years.

YABU - fish the box out of the bin tonight and hand it over next time he shows up to see the DC.

YANBU - don't bother.

Oh fish them out and hand them over. If he doesn't want to take them then you can put them straight in the bin. Don't do it without warning, no matter what you think of him.

Don’t let someone else’s bad behaviour set the standard for yours.

Just give him the box next time you do a handover.

Do the children via his family have any access to photos of when he was young? If not I'd actually go through them and keep what the children (then any grandchildren) might like.

I've also been divorced about 10 years. Loathe the shitty ex. But my DC had to look through photos recently after the death of a family member. My ex moved out not taking anything jointly personal. So I have all the photos of ex and I when we got together, holidays, weddings etc. So I sorted out many albums (still going) and have put all photos of people (deceased and alive) into 1 (now 2) albums for the DC so they will always have the "memory" of their parents lives during the time they were together. Surprisingly I found it quite therapeutic! Shame going through the divorce papers isnt quite so therapeutic!

I would share with the DC - let them look at their father's papers. But then yes - dump them back with him.

This.

Oh dear. I just went to fish them out, only to realise that that bin was collected last week They're gone. Nothing I can do about that but I'll drag everything else left down from the loft and let him know he has a week to collect.

I just wouldn't mention it then OP. He hasn't asked in ten years, I doubt he will suddenly be chasing it now. He might never ask. It's gone now, nothing you can do.

You own them as per the contract to buy the house and contents. You say you have shared children?

I would let your children look through the box to see if there are any pictures they would like to keep/ find interesting. Then I would chuck the rest. As you say, he has had 10 years. But your kids have not.

The universe made the decision for you 🤷‍♀️

Oops!

But, I think my previous message still mag apply. Let your kids have a nose through the boxes. Then do a clear out. I'd not mention any specific stuff to your ex!

10 years!

Don't give this another thought, OP. And don't tell him you binned them. If he ever asks for them (he won't), say "no idea but when you didn't collect your stuff after 10 years, I obviously thought you expected me to throw it out"

Be the better person send them to him

I might just not bother going in the loft for another 10 years TBH. Who needs a Christmas tree?

Oh well - these things happen. Perhaps best not to mention it!

Why do women do this to themselves?

Why are you valuing things he no longer values himself?

Don’t contact him, bin it all and be done with this albatross in your attic, taking up room for free.

It took me five years to do this and he still hasn't slashed. Get rid. He's had a decade

He's had 10 years if he wanted the stuff he would have taken it. Don't give it another thought and get rid.

Confession Time:

I lived with a boyfriend while at university…we had an apartment together. Things went south as they do and we broke up. We both moved out the apartment (insert irrelevant boring details here) I told him he had until X day to get his stuff moved and after that I was tossing anything I found of his.

Somehow he left two bedside tables his Grandfather had made. Since he didn’t take them I figured he didn’t want them. They were pretty nice tables so I took them when I moved.

Some time later he asked about them and said he wanted them. I told him they were gone.

Readers…I still have the tables. (And I do feel a bit guilty about keeping them).

I figured I’d track him down when I no longer want them and send them to him (or his parents).

No real help @BlowDryRat except that yeah he had his chance and he didn’t want his stuff then. I would probably bin the rest.

I have to say, I wouldn’t bin them given what they are. That said, he should’ve collected them by now.

It's horrible for him to expect op to store them for 10 years. 10 years from now is 2033. No-one would dream of collecting something they left behind today in 2033

This. He has no interest in this stuff. He left it for the OP to deal with because he couldn't be arsed.

Serves the prick right. I hate men who ditch their children like that. Failures, the lot of them. He had ten years to collect his garbage, he didn’t. Bin the lot. Or burn it.

I wouldnt want to poke the bear OP.
If you offer him the remaining boxes it will remind him of the precious artefacts in the other boxes already binned.

I would get rid. Clear your house and mind of the useless rubbish.

He binned you and your children.

Why are you beating yourself up over the fact that he sees you as a free storage unit?

Bin.

I agree with @Trenda Don’t put your foot in the trap. The sentimental box you were asking about is gone that’s been decided for you. Just bin the rest with a clear conscience My ex was so busy stealing everything not sentimental he could out of the house he forgot his grandfathers framed royal flush. I kept it for years and now it’s in my sons room. Amazingly he has never asked about it. Empty that loft don’t mention
the clean out if and when you see ex and keep it empty. I highly recommend a very small Christmas tree. Lovely to look at nice to store