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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tone deaf nursery gifts

96 replies

grassverge · 18/07/2023 22:23

A mum at our nursery arranged a collection for the 10 staff members. She collected £400. All of the workers are on Minimum wage. She spent the money on gift vouchers to a local restaurant that charges £9 for a starter and £20 for a main. Considering the cost of living, am I wrong to be cross about this? She should have just given them £40 each.

OP posts:
Lapland123 · 19/07/2023 23:05

BarbaraofSeville · 19/07/2023 22:40

But if a main is £20, it doesn't just cost that does it?

It will probably be an absolute minimum of £50 for two mains and two drinks. What if they want a starter or a dessert? What if sides are extra? What if there's an 'optional' service charge that our low paid TAs 'have' to pay to avoid social suicide even though they get less of a tip in a year than the waiting staff get in a day or so?

On balance I think collections (where the amount is entirely up to the individual with a suggestion of a pound or two each) are far better than everyone buying their own gift and everyone getting piles of wine, chocs and 'best teacher' mugs and obviously this mum has done everyone a favour by stepping up, but I do wonder if she has a vested interest in the restaurant. Is it her's, or a family member's?

Show quote history

This sort of thing rings a bell with me. Some years ago, parent collection was spent on some random piece of art ‘commissioned’ by the mother organising the collection. ‘Artist’ was her mate or something.
What a farce

SleepingStandingUp · 20/07/2023 00:29

cyncope · 18/07/2023 23:24

If the vouchers are enough for everyone to have a main course and a drink or two each then I think it's fine.

But that's assuming they want Togo alone for a meal, or socialise with their colleagues.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 20/07/2023 03:34

I would have thought it a poor choice but those working in nurseries like the idea. I guess it depends a bit on where the restaurant is and the type of food they do etc. cash is a rubbish gift.

AnonAnom940 · 20/07/2023 09:54

What would be a reasonable gift then?
I was going to get key worker a card plus £15 Costa voucher (my kids fave cafe, plus it'd at least buy her a coffee plus cake) and a care plus chocs for the preschool staff as a whole (4 Inc key worker)

I'm worried now.

AnonAnom940 · 20/07/2023 09:55

*card not care

Clementineorsatsuma · 20/07/2023 10:05

ElectricToothbrush · 18/07/2023 23:04

But presumably the staff would all have to go for the meal together, which they may not want to, as if they went with a partner for example, they'd end up spending considerably more on the meal. I agree cash or Amazon/ M&S/ similar gift card would have been better, though I'm sure the purchaser meant well.

The gift is not for their partners tho?

Only on MN would someone complain about a gift!!

A meal out, all together, all paid for. That's what they've given. Lovely!

Clementineorsatsuma · 20/07/2023 10:06

SirenSays · 18/07/2023 23:29

It's a nice idea but could end up being very expensive if people have to buy new outfits or get childcare. I hate receiving vouchers as gifts, it's so much worse than money.

New outfits for a meal out?!

Clementineorsatsuma · 20/07/2023 10:08

Lapland123 · 18/07/2023 23:47

Yup I’d go boots, M&S, John Lewis

this fancy restaurant is not a good idea for a gift

Boots M&S and a John Lewis are again all posh though?

I think a lovely meal out is great. However if you're saying it's tone deaf then surely Asda Gift Cards would be better than posh vouchers?!

Lapland123 · 20/07/2023 10:12

Clementineorsatsuma · 20/07/2023 10:08

Boots M&S and a John Lewis are again all posh though?

I think a lovely meal out is great. However if you're saying it's tone deaf then surely Asda Gift Cards would be better than posh vouchers?!

Show quote history

Boots is not posh!
john Lewis vouchers can be used in JL or for Waitrose essentials
M&S has plenty of stuff that’s comparable to Tesco prices if you look

MrsClatterbuck · 20/07/2023 10:12

ChocChipHandbag · 18/07/2023 23:45

I used to always buy Boots gift cards for DS’ nursery staff, as that way they can either spend on treat stuff or use to buy essentials.

Agree the gift choice is tone deaf.

Great idea with so much choice. As you say treats or essential so up to them

LittleBearPad · 20/07/2023 10:13

Clementineorsatsuma · 20/07/2023 10:06

New outfits for a meal out?!

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Nursery staff can’t be expected to have eating out clothes Hmm

This thread is incredibly snobbish about the people looking after our children.

Sdpbody · 20/07/2023 10:51

We did this... Each teacher had £60 and I bought Love2Shop vouchers and some chocolates. I wouldnt do restaurant vouchers unless it was specific like afternoon tea at The Ivy where it is fully inclusive etc.

Ultraviolet85 · 20/07/2023 10:55

Wow what is with all the threads criticising nursery gifts?! You aren’t even obliged to give a gift to staff at the end of term! It’s meant to be a nice gesture so they are probably thrilled with what they get! I notice all the people criticising haven’t bothered to organise the perfect gift either!

DiaNaranja · 20/07/2023 10:57

Tbh I doubt they're allowed to accept cash gifts, so gift vouchers can work well, but I'd get one that can be used in a variety of places. Our collection for our year 4 pupils this year raised enough to get a £60 voucher, and a hamper with flowers, wine and chocolates etc for the ta. Then a £60 voucher for restaurants, a £60 voucher for shops plus beers, chocolates etc in a hamper for the main teacher (he's a bloke and probably wouldn't have appreciated flowers!). We usually do similar, everyone chucks in between £5-£10 and it makes for a really nice thankyou at the end of the year, I'm not sure a wad of cash would have the same effect, plus like I said, doubtful they'd be able to accept. Depending on how many TA's there are, the amounts they get can vary, but they are always blown away and happy with their gifts. Better than 30 "best teacher mugs" lol.

DiaNaranja · 20/07/2023 10:59

We also do one homemade card that kal the kids out a fingerprint on to make the picture (tree, owl rainbow etc) and then they kal sign it or write a message inside. So much easier for the teacher to hold on to one special card than 30 individual ones. Some of the kids make or buy a seperate card too, which is nice, but I think the card signed by all the pupils that year must hold some sentimental value to the teacher.

inamarina · 20/07/2023 11:32

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/07/2023 23:36

I'm with you. Not sure I see the issue. They can go as a big group and get a night out. I hate Amazon vouchers or shop vouchers cos I rarely buy "things" but I'm always up for a nice meal!

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I can’t really see the issue either.
£40 is enough for a starter + main + drink, or two mains if they wanted to go with their partner.

inamarina · 20/07/2023 11:49

Ultraviolet85 · 20/07/2023 10:55

Wow what is with all the threads criticising nursery gifts?! You aren’t even obliged to give a gift to staff at the end of term! It’s meant to be a nice gesture so they are probably thrilled with what they get! I notice all the people criticising haven’t bothered to organise the perfect gift either!

Also this.

SpinCycles · 20/07/2023 23:39

There seem to be quite a few people on the thread who work in nurseries so could anybody say what would be really appreciated gifts?

My youngest DC is about to leave nursery and the nursery manager has been a huge support to us through really tough times over the last few years so I want to get her something nice as a thank you, maybe £30-40 budget? And something for my kid's key worker this year who has been very nurturing to her, maybe £20 or so for that. Any ideas? Is some kind of generic voucher best?

I don't know either well enough to know their personal likes/ dislikes and don't want to give them something annoying or useless. My DC is also making them cards etc.

Rosebel · 22/07/2023 18:23

Best present ever from my point of view is a homemade card with a message from the child, especially if they've written their names.
I have all my cards that children have made me over the years as they're absolutely my favourite thing.

Poppyseed14 · 22/07/2023 18:53

Still better than a nut filled hamper 🙈 but no YANBU OP

Magicmama92 · 26/07/2023 19:50

This is why I prefer to do my own thing. Unfortunately group things seem to always end badly or not the way intended.

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