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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bizarre behaviour from colleagues

47 replies

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:00

Hi,

I just wanted to talk about weird people that I encounter and ask is it me, or does this happen to other people too?

When I go to work, I have a few colleagues that I see daily, we don't really chat everyday (although have chatted to them on a few occassions), however, we see each other in passing daily, like literally walk past each other. Most of my colleagues are friendly and we say hi, or give a warm smile but there's a handful of colleagues that are utterly bizarre. They sometimes say hi, but most of the time ignore me and just walk past.

This morning, I went into a room to collect something, and a colleague who I have chatted to before was sat in the room alone, she just looked at me, made eye contact and looked the other direction so fast, so I kind of just said morning cheerfully, and she just gave an awkward smile. She's always like this with me, stares from a distance at me but never wants to chat or say hi. Why stare at me when you don't want to acknowledge me?!! She literally sees me and looks down when she walks past.

Another colleague, walks away whenever I join in a conversation if there's someone I know, for example, and I join in the conversation, this woman will just walk off, literally walk off without saying anything. Or she will see me and directly and then look down and walk away.

It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, but I just can't figure it out.

Maybe they've gossiped about me and don't like me. I don't know. I'm a friendly, sociable kind of person. Can strike up a conversation with most people comfortably. I'm well dressed, always smiley, don't have a moody face. I'm not sure why they do this and I know I shouldn't give two hoots but on a day to day basis, it does affect you when grown women behave like this.

Bizarre.

OP posts:
wispywednesday · 18/07/2023 21:07

The first example may be due to her own social skills development - or lack thereof.

The second sounds very rude and I would call it out. Something along the lines of 'hi x, am just wondering if I've upset you as you've walked off whilst I was in mid sentence twice/3 times lately. Sorry if I have but I'd love the chance to put things right if this is the case ...?'

Then wait yo see how she manages that.

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:12

But I've seen the first one talk to others and say hello, strike up a conversation. She's always staring at me, when I'm talking to others or if I'm walking on the other side and I can see she's just staring. It's really awkward. I've been quite friendly with her in the past and initiate conversations.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 18/07/2023 21:14

Maybe ask them whTS up

AndTheSurveySays · 18/07/2023 21:18

Another colleague, walks away whenever I join in a conversation if there's someone I know

Perhaps she doesn't like you butting into the conversation she is having?

Tanfastic · 18/07/2023 21:19

Nowt weird as folk. Ignore them. Don't make as much effort.

I used to work with somebody who used to talk to me at work but if she saw me outside of work would ignore me. Funny fucker. Never did find out why.

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/07/2023 21:19

Maybe the first colleague fancies you?

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:21

I don't butt in, I don't interrupt her, I heard them talking about something, and they didn't know the date of the meeting so I kind of said ohh are yoy talking about this, it's on x date. That's not exactly butting in when I'm stood next to them.

OP posts:
MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:22

They're all women, the ones acting funny.

OP posts:
AndTheSurveySays · 18/07/2023 21:23

I don't butt in, I don't interrupt her, I heard them talking about something, and they didn't know the date of the meeting so I kind of said ohh are yoy talking about this, it's on x date. That's not exactly butting in when I'm stood next to them

How often do you do that though? You didn't write it as if it was a one off that that happened.

orangeleavesinautumn · 18/07/2023 21:23

It sounds to me more like you are paranoid and judgey. If a colleague said hello to me, and I smiled back, I would think "job done" not " o gash, did I look away too fast, or is MelThomas going to go and tell people that my smiles was "awkward". I don't even know what an "awkward" smile is, but I suspect it is just your own interpretation.

People don't have to chat if they don't want to - maybe they have got work to think about and get on with

Dacadactyl · 18/07/2023 21:24

It's them OP. They sound like total weirdos.

Leave them to it. I'd carry on saying hi. It's their problem. Don't let it affect you.

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/07/2023 21:25

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:22

They're all women, the ones acting funny.

Lesbian and bisexual women exist.

Riverbananacarrot · 18/07/2023 21:26

AndTheSurveySays · 18/07/2023 21:23

I don't butt in, I don't interrupt her, I heard them talking about something, and they didn't know the date of the meeting so I kind of said ohh are yoy talking about this, it's on x date. That's not exactly butting in when I'm stood next to them

How often do you do that though? You didn't write it as if it was a one off that that happened.

But if you weren't involved in the conversation then it is butting in.

Jellybabies2 · 18/07/2023 21:26

Yup there are some people at work who don’t like talking or are slow to warm up! There are a few annoying people at my work that I try to avoid and extract myself from conversations they butt in on, but try not to be obvious about it!

mosiacmaker · 18/07/2023 21:27

Walking up to colleagues talking is very normal to do so I’m not sure why you’ve been given a hard time. One possibility is she has been desperate to get away from the first person she was talking to and you approaching was her chance to escape! If she said hello to you she’d be stuck in the convo. Sometimes I do this at parties.

The lady in the meeting room who just smiles and looks away, I do this when my mind is occupied - I’ll barely notice the person and seem dazed. Sometimes my colleague (who I like very much!) will ask if I want coffee, I’ve apparently just grunted, he comes back with coffee and I’m like “why didn’t you ask me!!” And he says he did and I ignored him. I just didn’t notice him as focused on work.

At the end of the day you can’t change them so it’s better for your self esteem to imagine they think you’re great and they’re not reacting to you, just the way they are for different reasons. Don’t take it personally x

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:28

orangeleavesinautumn - no, she never acknowledged me (never does). I said morning, and she awkwardly smiled back.

OP posts:
MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:31

mosiacmaker - she just just looked away as soon as I walked in, no hi or smile, I always have to say hi/morning etc.

Anyway, I liked your last paragraph lol. That's how I need to think.

OP posts:
PrudenceDictates · 18/07/2023 21:32

My best work buddy friend had this in our workplace. Two colleagues in particular that were "off" with her.
Friend was organised, capable, efficient, answered to no-one except the top boss, and was slim, attractive and well-groomed. The unpleasant colleagues were none of those things. I think they were jealous of her, and told her so.
Perhaps that's the same in your situation OP? Nothing you can go except smile, say hello and get on with things. Don't let them bother you.

orangeleavesinautumn · 18/07/2023 21:32

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:28

orangeleavesinautumn - no, she never acknowledged me (never does). I said morning, and she awkwardly smiled back.

You said good morning, and she smiled, a perfectly normal, unnoteworthy work interaction. The "awkwardly" is entirely your chosen interpretation.

MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:35

orangeleavesinautumn - perhaps I'm not making the situation clear. She literally turned away from me, like ignored me, never acknowledged me, not a smile just turned her back. She does this all the time, if I walk past instead of making eye contact or saying hi, she looks to the ground. It happens on a daily basis. I see her everyday, and she does that everyday but then stares at me from a distance or when I'm chatting to others.

OP posts:
MelThomas1 · 18/07/2023 21:37

PrudenceDictates - that's horrible. I still say hello to them but it's very obvious they don't want to acknowledge me. Sad really, as most of my colleagues are polite, kind mannered people who I largely get along with fine.

OP posts:
Sheranovermytoes · 18/07/2023 21:38

I literally don't care,l what people think of me any more 😕

PrudenceDictates · 18/07/2023 21:43

Sheranovermytoes · 18/07/2023 21:38

I literally don't care,l what people think of me any more 😕

Best attitude to adopt, really!

Wigglewigglewitch · 18/07/2023 21:44

Thankfully I work from home now, but when I was in an office I encountered this sort of weirdness and honestly it’s not with the headspace. If someone has a problem with you so oblique that you can’t think of what it is, it’s their responsibility to raise it, not make you wheedle it out of them. I don’t want to be friends with people I work with, I have a handful of genuine friends I’ve “collected” through work that have broken through the barrier 🤣 but honestly a lot of the time work friendships are so shallow they cause more harm than good. I know people think I’m standoffish but I don’t care. I’m really good at my job, including being team oriented, it just doesn’t go beyond that. Just ignore them.

newyearsresolurion · 18/07/2023 21:45

R u in nursing by any chance?? Sounds like most of my colleagues I don't bother with them I ignore them too. I just concentrate on those who are nice to me

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