Bizarre behaviour from colleagues

[MelThomas1]

Hi,

I just wanted to talk about weird people that I encounter and ask is it me, or does this happen to other people too?

When I go to work, I have a few colleagues that I see daily, we don't really chat everyday (although have chatted to them on a few occassions), however, we see each other in passing daily, like literally walk past each other. Most of my colleagues are friendly and we say hi, or give a warm smile but there's a handful of colleagues that are utterly bizarre. They sometimes say hi, but most of the time ignore me and just walk past.

This morning, I went into a room to collect something, and a colleague who I have chatted to before was sat in the room alone, she just looked at me, made eye contact and looked the other direction so fast, so I kind of just said morning cheerfully, and she just gave an awkward smile. She's always like this with me, stares from a distance at me but never wants to chat or say hi. Why stare at me when you don't want to acknowledge me?!! She literally sees me and looks down when she walks past.

Another colleague, walks away whenever I join in a conversation if there's someone I know, for example, and I join in the conversation, this woman will just walk off, literally walk off without saying anything. Or she will see me and directly and then look down and walk away.

It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, but I just can't figure it out.

Maybe they've gossiped about me and don't like me. I don't know. I'm a friendly, sociable kind of person. Can strike up a conversation with most people comfortably. I'm well dressed, always smiley, don't have a moody face. I'm not sure why they do this and I know I shouldn't give two hoots but on a day to day basis, it does affect you when grown women behave like this.

Bizarre.

I definitely need to adopt this attitude, not care what people think. It's easier said than done.

My friend did say how others treat you is more a reflection of themselves.

I give people one chance

If I said hello and was ignored that would be it, I would never acknowledge them again

you have said she smiled when you said hello. And how on Earth do you think you know that she is staring at you from a distance? She has to physically be pointing her head somewhere! and why are you looking back at her from a distance to see if she is looking at you?

Like I said, it sounds to me like the issue is entirely in your head. People don't have to talk, in particular, people at work

I've had this in the workplace.. trouble is, i start to become paranoid and then It all snowballs then I start to act weird, then the person I've worried about starts to notice then everything just gets odder. Thankfully now I'm in a workplace that embraces oddness and I feel like I can be myself now and my colleagues accept me

Do you work in a school?

Same!

I've encountered a lot of weirdos in my working life, and I can't be arsed with them. I don't 'do' not speaking to someone, but a colleague in the same office years ago decided to take offence (I have still no idea why?!) for reasons only known to her. It was just my turn; she'd taken the hump with two other colleagues in the office before me.

I firstly ignored the fact that she was ignoring me, but it got a bit tiresome saying hi to someone who didn't reply, or at most, grunted, so I gave up! I never had realised before what actual fucking hard work it is not speaking to someone!!! Well I'd never done it before. I'd be walking up the corridor, see someone approaching, naturally prepare to smile and say hi, then I'd clock that it was 'The Grim' (her work nickname which she really lived down to!), and have to recompose my features and not make eye contact!!

After I left, she moved around falling out with the most innocuous of colleagues - was glad tbh because it let everyone see what she was like. Truly, revenge is a dish best served cold... years later I became (legitimately) privy to a grievance she'd taken out against another colleague - and I was happy to fill in the background! While said colleague she'd complained about was a dick too, I was 100% sure her complaint was unjustified. I really did get the last laugh!

Your friend is 100% correct!

out of about 40 people I work with I have about 10 who I have a great relationship with, we talk, banter etc… there’s a few where we exchange pleasantries and some I just don’t talk too… I work in a department where everyone else’s works directly effects how I do my job so as long as they do thier jobs properly I don’t mind not talking…. Sometimes even with ones I talk too, we just have the head nod and that’s it…
some people will always have a problem with wether they have it behind your back or wether they are damn right forward. You know you’ve been polite, if they have A problem with it, it’s thier problem…

Sounds like it’s definitely a ‘them problem’ not you. Hey, maybe they fancy you! Don’t use any headspace worrying about it x

I think you are probably overthinking this. They may be socially awkward or rude, you’ll probably never know and you won’t change it but allowing it to affect the way you see yourself won’t end well.

There is no benefit to thinking too much about these sorts of interactions. There’s a phrase: “what people think of you is their business”, which I always find helpful in these situations. Nine times out of ten when people behave like this it’s to do with them not you. In the one case where it’s you you won’t be able to change it anyway and trying to will backfire.

So just don’t think about it.

This totally sounds like a place I used to work. Some people just never said hello and ignored but okay with others. It was such a toxic place to work that I left in the end.

OP, just care about those who care about you. Everyone else - just don’t give them headspace. I’ve worked with hundreds of people over the years, and apart from a handful of them, i’ve never kept in touch. They’re just people I’ve had to work alongside to earn money to live.

The first one sounds like she fancies you.

Yup. Who knows what goes on in people's heads. I've met peeps who have no interest in me. Do we care? Nah. I don't care about them either. All you should do is be professional and leave it at that.

A colleague recently accused me of ignoring her. I have no idea what she's fucking on about. I wouldn't intentionally ignore someone but guess sometimes I'm busy, preoccupied, daydreaming, whatever. Feels a bit immature to me, to be worried about this. If someone walks past me without saying anything, I assume their mind is on something else. Feels like the world would be better if people stopped interpreting the actions of other people.

Sometimes people are coping with a lot, physical or mental health.
why not just say hello and let it go? Assume they’re dealing with their own stuff?
sometimes people simply do not have the energy to muster up friendliness, and I don’t take it personally.

life can be so hard.
imagine they got two hours of sleep last night, are hungry and can’t afford a meal, and have a raging headache, and move on to focus on other things, maybe

Surely you don’t say hello to colleagues you walk past all of the time especially if you run into each other often?

If I’m rushing around or late to a meeting or desperate for the loo, I smile but can’t stop for a chat on every occasion. I’m happy to speak to people in the office, during lunch and over teams/email, so it’s not that I have a problem with them. It’s just that I can’t give everyone my undivided attention all of the time.

You must remember everyone’s different. The first colleague you mentioned sounds socially awkward and likely doesn’t seem to have an issue with you, or the interaction you had as it’s normal for them. Your version of normal is different, as you have different social skills.

The 2nd one might just be trying to get on with work. Maybe they felt you interrupted them, maybe they had finished their conversation with the other person and didn’t want to get into a side chat. I’ve had people approach me and speak at me for ages & ages so I’ve learned to nip that in the bud.

Forgot to add as well, that the others might not be expecting more from the social interaction with you. Ie the first colleague isn’t expecting you to say hello to her or stop for a chat.

Maybe they've gossiped about me and don't like me.

at work everyone gossips about everyone, no one is off limits. The people who are “normal” with you are likely gossiping about you too!

I like being friendly and warm generally, it’s how I naturally am.

There is one woman in my workplace who I have zero time for and have no interest in engaging with after she was deliberately rude (put her hand up flat to my face in a ‘you can stop talking now little girl’ dismissive kind of way.) I could imagine her writing a post about people ignoring her/not being very nice at work, but she genuinely seems to lack any awareness of how she comes across in interactions.

Theres always going to be personality clashes in a workplace.

Actually not all workplaces are particularly gossipy. Mine isn’t. With a couple of notable exceptions no-one talks about their immediate colleagues, and not even very often about their less immediate ones either.

some people in workplaces are going to be neurodiverse, some just plain unfriendly, others preoccupied, some super-focused in the job in hand etx. It’s not you, it’s them or it’s the job.

what industry? Some are weirder than others especially after 3 years of remote working …

I managed to exchange pleasantries with colleagues daily after some very difficult situations in my life, including miscarriages, and losing both parents within months, etc.

It's just manners?!

I think you should stop saying hi to them