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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday sleepover

26 replies

Lira715 · 18/07/2023 19:27

its DSS12 birthday Saturday he’s having a friend to sleepover. They layout of house meant that when we moved in DDS and DD were small so had box rooms on 1st floor with our room and bathroom and DSD15 was 11 so had loft conversion with own bathroom. This weekend is not our weekend so DSD it at mums but as we see them on birthdays have said DSS can have a friend over to sleep. I think he should have the option to use DSD room as it’s the only room big enough for 2 to sleep in and it’s a special occasion and hes never had a sleep over here before and it’s empty but my DP has gone mad saying it’s her room and the boys should sleep in living room. ( which is also fine ) AIBU to think it should be an option for him to have a proper bedroom for his sleepover as a one off on his birthday, there’s not lots of personal stuff in there as they come every other weekend so I could easily take out anything needed and DSD is very kind so sure she wouldn’t mind if we asked her.

OP posts:
Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 19:29

I’m confused by all the step children

are they all his children ie your stepchildren

BlairWaldorfOG · 18/07/2023 19:33

Could you have asked her permission? I mean that is a sensitive age but she may have been fine with it with consultation.

Funnily enough we have a similar set up in that my stepson has the biggest room in the house, lots of space and a different floor for privacy, my daughter's room is a decent size but next door to ours and her other sister's room so for my daughter's sleepover her brother said she could use his loft room.

I think if your step daughter would be unhappy about it just stick to the living room though if it's an option.

Original poster
Lira715 · 18/07/2023 19:44

I have DD8 and he has a son 12 and a daughter 15 none together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lira715 · 18/07/2023 19:47

I don’t think she would mind. Obviously I’d ask her but DP has gone mad at the suggestion and said it’s not even an option to ask her .. Just feel a bit bad that he never has sleepovers, had the smallest room as it is .. and we have a huge room empty that he could use but he’s having a sleepover in the living room.

OP posts:
Notmineagain · 18/07/2023 19:51

Yanbu and I would be mad too if someone treated my dc like this. They should absolutely be able to use her room.

Pkhsvd · 18/07/2023 19:56

I don’t think it’s worth falling out about; my teen wouldn’t like this so it wouldn’t occur to me to suggest it but if you thought she wouldn’t mind then fair to suggest it and it’s just a difference of opinion/ Your stepson really won’t care which room he sleeps in with his friend though

mewkins · 18/07/2023 20:04

My teen dd wouldn't want her brother using her room either - I'd just put them downstairs.

Original poster
Lira715 · 18/07/2023 20:07

This is the thing they are both my step children I see them as my own though and if my DD had that room and wasn’t going to be using it I would explain that she should let him have it for a birthday treat as she’s got the best bedroom in the house all year round. But she’s not a teenager yet so maybe I’ll think differently then.

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 18/07/2023 20:07

mewkins · 18/07/2023 20:04

My teen dd wouldn't want her brother using her room either - I'd just put them downstairs.

This.

Or rethink the sleepover.

CurlewKate · 18/07/2023 20:21

Why on earth would she mind?

mewkins · 18/07/2023 20:25

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/07/2023 20:07

This.

Or rethink the sleepover.

Show quote history

Well yes.. if there's an opportunity to get out of a sleepover, I'd take it!

KingOfThieves · 18/07/2023 20:26

No 15 year old girl would want their little brother and their friends sleeping in their bedroom. Ever. I know I definitely wouldnt. Get cosy in the box room or living room.

KingOfThieves · 18/07/2023 20:28

CurlewKate · 18/07/2023 20:21

Why on earth would she mind?

Privacy? As a teen my bedroom was my safe space and little kids are NOSY.

Maybe OP should give up her room

Karrpt · 18/07/2023 20:30

"No 15 year old girl would want their little brother and their friends sleeping in their bedroom. Ever. I know I definitely wouldnt."

Well I didn't mind! You don't get to speak for all

Karrpt · 18/07/2023 20:32

"As a teen my bedroom was my safe space and little kids are NOSY."

She hardly stays there and OP says there's hardly anything personal in it. And her brother is 12. Hardly a little kid 🤣

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 20:37

I can’t imagine any 15 year old girl wanting a brother or step brother and his friend having a sleepover in her room! I think it’s a weird suggestion to be honest unless the DD wants to do it. But it sounds like you just made the decision?

Original poster
Lira715 · 18/07/2023 20:42

Yes he’s not little and would just be on PlayStation or watching films .. def not interested in anything of hers .. just thinking be nice for them to both have a bed and a night without me and Dp bumbling about .. there’s a double and a sofa bed up there too so just made sense to me if DSD was ok with it she has sleepovers all the time hence the extra beds up there. She is only there 4 nights a month sometimes less as she stays at mates .. anyway I could be overthinking all this and he ll want to stay in the living room anyway 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Lira715 · 18/07/2023 20:59

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 20:37

I can’t imagine any 15 year old girl wanting a brother or step brother and his friend having a sleepover in her room! I think it’s a weird suggestion to be honest unless the DD wants to do it. But it sounds like you just made the decision?

No I haven’t made any decision not even discussed it with either of them it’s not until this Saturday.

OP posts:
KingOfThieves · 20/07/2023 00:03

Karrpt · 18/07/2023 20:32

"As a teen my bedroom was my safe space and little kids are NOSY."

She hardly stays there and OP says there's hardly anything personal in it. And her brother is 12. Hardly a little kid 🤣

To a 15 year old, a 12 year old and their 12 year old friends ARE 100% “little kids” 😂 they will snoop

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 20/07/2023 13:27

TBH I would speak to your son first as mine at that age loved taking over the living room so about 7pm me and DP went upstairs to watch tv and left the lads the run of downstairs.

VimFuego101 · 20/07/2023 13:31

Agree with a previous poster that he'd probably love taking over the living room if it has a sofa and a big TV.

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/07/2023 13:47

Sleepovers in our house are in the living room. Is that an option

manilowmagic · 20/07/2023 14:02

"No 15 year old girl would want their little brother and their friends sleeping in their bedroom. Ever. I know I definitely wouldnt.

I don't think you can speak for every 15 year old girl, I have a 15 year old that has the biggest bedroom in the house. She has left for 4 days away and suggested that if anyone else wanted to sleep in her room that was fine (I didn;t ask, and there is no particular celebration, she just thought one of the boys might like to).

Original poster
Lira715 · 20/07/2023 19:51

KingOfThieves · 20/07/2023 00:03

To a 15 year old, a 12 year old and their 12 year old friends ARE 100% “little kids” 😂 they will snoop

Show quote history

Haha tbf she’s not got much in there ornaments and bits I bought and her PlayStation and games but she prefers to keep most of her things at her mums as she’s only here 6-8 nights a month. Think we going on living room anyway I’d just have liked DSS to have the option with it being his birthday and the fact that my Dd is with her dad and Dsd ( his sister) Is at mums as it’s not our weekend so he’s the only child here. Dp gets final vote anyway as allthough I treat them as my own biologically they are both his.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lira715 · 20/07/2023 20:01

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 20/07/2023 13:27

TBH I would speak to your son first as mine at that age loved taking over the living room so about 7pm me and DP went upstairs to watch tv and left the lads the run of downstairs.

Yes he loves sleeping in living room he sleeps there with dp most weekends he’s here and he doesn’t know there was another option so he really won’t be upset.

OP posts: