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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being pathetic?

42 replies

strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 08:53

For the past three days my back left side ribs have been hurting. It feels like something being squeezed every time I breath and when I move my back I'm in agony. The first two days the pain has not been so bad however yesterday afternoon the pain has been agonising to the point I was up untill 3 am this morning crying in pain.

I have asked my partner if he would be able to take the day of today to help me with our son and so that I can go to the doctors. We don't have a car and my son refuses to sit in his pram and to walk so I have to carry him most places. My partner told me that I am being pathetic, that I am not on my death bed, he can't take the day of work for something so small as he his adamant that I have pulled a muscle. He has said that I am acting like a little bitch and I need to grow up. Ive asked him if he can at-least help me clean up before he goes to work usually he gets picked up around 10am. I need his help as I am finding it really hard to move and especially bending down. He told me that he's sick of me and this relationship how unhappy he is and how he's sick of going to work and then having to help me when he's home. I'm really fed up now and I really just needed his help as I am in pain I feel like he doesn't seem to believe me but I have no reason to even lie.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 18/07/2023 08:55

How old is your son? Whatevers going on with you, speaking to you like that is appalling.

FionnulaTheCooler · 18/07/2023 08:56

Id be telling him if he's that unhappy don't bother coming back. He sounds like a piece of shit, calling you a bitch for asking for some help when you're unwell.

jackstini · 18/07/2023 08:56

You are not being pathetic, no
Only you know how much pain you are in, sorry you are feeling so rubbish

Your excuse for a partner is the pathetic one! He doesn't even need to take a whole day off, just have your dc whilst you go to the docs...
Why is he being so nasty? Do you usually behave a good relationship or is this typical?

How old is dc?

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 08:57

We don't have a car and my son refuses to sit in his pram and to walk so I have to carry him most places.

YABU for this!You can’t pander to a baby or young toddler like this. That’s ridiculous how do you go anywhere?
He just goes in the pram!

Your DP sounds like a dickhead. I’m going to assume this isn’t out of character for him.

Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 08:58

MichelleScarn · 18/07/2023 08:55

How old is your son? Whatevers going on with you, speaking to you like that is appalling.

My son is one years old but he's really heavy and I find it difficult carrying him when my back feels okay. He speaks to me like this most days usually when I ask him to help me after work to watch my son whilst I make dinner or run up stairs to clean up. I do understand him going to work all day but when he's home for work it would be nice to get some help as I am at home all day and don't get any breaks and I have no friends so I have no adult interaction. I don't mind it anyway it's just a lot more harder when in pain.

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:00

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 08:57

We don't have a car and my son refuses to sit in his pram and to walk so I have to carry him most places.

YABU for this!You can’t pander to a baby or young toddler like this. That’s ridiculous how do you go anywhere?
He just goes in the pram!

Your DP sounds like a dickhead. I’m going to assume this isn’t out of character for him.

I find it really difficult to go anywhere, it's due to my partner why he won't stay in the pram. My partner kind of over speaks any sort of parenting methods I try to enforce. When my son goes into the pram he will kick off, I tell my partner to just leave him for a few moments and he'll be okay, he over rides what I say and just picks him up and fusses over him.

OP posts:
jackstini · 18/07/2023 09:03

Ok, age 1 you put him in the pram and go
If your partner isn't there then he can't interfere

Can you ring the doc and get an appointment today?
If not, go to a walk in centre and your son will just have to deal with it

Your partner is awful and making your life more difficult than if you were single. Can you ask him to leave? Nit sure on your living arrangements but from your posts sounds like he is not your son's father?

Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:04

FionnulaTheCooler · 18/07/2023 08:56

Id be telling him if he's that unhappy don't bother coming back. He sounds like a piece of shit, calling you a bitch for asking for some help when you're unwell.

He tells me every day how he doesn't love me, how he doesn't want to be with me anymore and how he'll find someone else. We had an argument the other day and he told me that he's found someone else and she's so much better than him.
We have sex 2/3 times a week, but this isn't enough for him he constantly tells me how I don't show him any psychical affection, that I never have sex with him anymore that we used to have a good sex life. He's even started to mention our sex life to people we barley know whilst we're out. He said to a girl who I speak to whenever I see her, that I never go near him. But the thing is I am tired a lot of the time and just can not be bothered.

OP posts:
WhineWhineWhineWINE · 18/07/2023 09:05

He's a nasty bastard. Leave him

MargosMangos · 18/07/2023 09:05

When you speak to a medical ask them about escaping from domestic abuse @strawberryshortcakex

Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:06

This is abuse. Please call Women’s aid.

AutieNOT0tie · 18/07/2023 09:06

Put son in pram take treats/distractions to go doctors or minor injuries if close by.

Plan to leave your husband

Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:06

And tell the dr everything he does.

Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:07

jackstini · 18/07/2023 09:03

Ok, age 1 you put him in the pram and go
If your partner isn't there then he can't interfere

Can you ring the doc and get an appointment today?
If not, go to a walk in centre and your son will just have to deal with it

Your partner is awful and making your life more difficult than if you were single. Can you ask him to leave? Nit sure on your living arrangements but from your posts sounds like he is not your son's father?

So when I do ask him to leave, he tells me he's not going and if I want him to go then I have to pack his bags. I tell him he's a grown man so he can pack his own bags but he will then just say that I am the one who wants him out so I need to pack his stuff. When I do eventually get him to leave he'll just tell me that he's going to kill him self and basically beg me to stay.

OP posts:
Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:07

The dr can help you by documenting what the nasty arsehole is doing to you so you can use it in family court to get legal aid.

Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:07

jackstini · 18/07/2023 09:03

Ok, age 1 you put him in the pram and go
If your partner isn't there then he can't interfere

Can you ring the doc and get an appointment today?
If not, go to a walk in centre and your son will just have to deal with it

Your partner is awful and making your life more difficult than if you were single. Can you ask him to leave? Nit sure on your living arrangements but from your posts sounds like he is not your son's father?

&& he is his father

OP posts:
Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:08

Great! Pack his bags for him while he is at work. Call the police and explain things and ask them to be there when he is due home.

Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:09

He’s not his father. He’s his sperm donor and his mum’s abuser.

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 09:11

strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:00

I find it really difficult to go anywhere, it's due to my partner why he won't stay in the pram. My partner kind of over speaks any sort of parenting methods I try to enforce. When my son goes into the pram he will kick off, I tell my partner to just leave him for a few moments and he'll be okay, he over rides what I say and just picks him up and fusses over him.

Show quote history

You are with him 5 days a week, your partner sometimes picking him up on a weekend isn’t what makes him refuse to get in the pram.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 18/07/2023 09:11

Call a locksmith and get the locks changed. What a nasty bastard!

Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:14

Do you have a nice HV? Call them now and just tell them everything. All the abuse. Ask for help.

Mum198000 · 18/07/2023 09:15

Please get the abuse documented by a health professional. You will need it for family court to get legal aid. And please pack his bags and get the police to attend when he gets home. He won’t be so cocky then.

Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:18

my partner has only been back in employment for 1 month, he is very inconsistent when it comes to working. He will take days of and go out with his friend & won’t tell me and make it out like he’s at work & if he doesn’t feel well he will not go into work or if he’s tired.

I have to find him each job, he’s had around 15 jobs in the 3 years that we have been together. He psyichally will not search for a job unless I do it for him he’s like this with most things, he won’t eat unless I make him food he won’t clean ever unless I ask he does the bare minimum when he does anyway. I have tried to work I got my self a job in a bar but I wasn’t coming in untill 3 am and when I did get home he would start arguments with me at 6 am so eventually I had to just leave as with the long hours and the constant arguments I couldn’t do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberryshortcakex · 18/07/2023 09:19

His best friend is a lock smith when I left and went to my mums house his friend unlocked my door for him to get into my house.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/07/2023 09:22

This is pretty horrifying. You need outside help to leave him/get him to leave.