We are from London, but four years ago bought a property in Suffolk to be closer to my husband’s family who live here. Being ‘London wankers’ as the locals affectionately say, we were expecting some antagonism, but instead of that, we have found people kind, welcoming and have made some really good friends. We are really happy here.
However, our house had been neglected for several years. The woodwork on the roof needed repairing and there was a party wall that was falling down.
Our problem is with the husband nextdoor, whose drive runs alongside our house. His wife is lovely and I talked to her about the situation saying that we might need access to their drive to fix our roof at a later date. I asked if they would like to talk to the builders when they came to work on a (separate) job.
She said yes, but on the day, rather that her coming out, her husband came. His face was puce and his fists were balled up in anger. I am only 5ft 1, but luckily had the builders with me. He was so angry, he was walking in circles and gesticulating and not really making any sense. I eventually managed to stem his flow of fury to explain that we didn’t even know yet if the work needed to be done, we just wanted to let him know what might need to happen. We did receive an apology by text later, saying that he had misunderstood what was going on.
Roll on to this week, and the repair of the party wall. We are paying for it all, as he made it clear that he would not contribute, despite it being joint responsibility according to the deeds. To be honest, I am willing to accept that, as we are paying an amazing local guy who builds flint walls. It will be slow and expensive, but we will end with something we are proud of.
I set up a group what’s app with him and his wife and showed them plans and told them who the builders were. We took them round our garden, explained everything and adjusted plans to accommodate his wishes (low at the back, so the sun hits his veg patch). Fundamentally, I bent over backwards for him, despite them not paying towards it. They agreed access via their side (we are semi attached on the other side).
So, first day of building, he went absolutely beserk, haranguing the builders. (The trigger was his wife allowing the builders to park on their drive) I had 2 hours of incoherent angry text messages and photos when he got back from work, despite immediately dealing with any issue he raised. The photos literally just show the wall being taken down and a couple of stray leaves and rocks.
So, the builders no longer access from his side, just because of his temper, and I am bracing myself to face his red faced fury when I get back.
My gut instinct is to just draw a line and say that I am not willing to be spoken to in this way. Do I need to keep trying to engage with him and put up with his abuse? He is so aggressive, I worry for his wife.