to punish him and watch the movie without him

[empatheticpretzel]

I was due to watch a movie with someone I have been seeing by 8pm. I was ready and waiting by 20 minutes before as I knew about it all day. 15 minutes before and he tells me he has just volunteered his time to multiple random people on the internet through an advice app or something and they are having quite a long conversation that will go over the 8pm and he doesn't know how long it will take. At 8pm he volunteers to watch the movie with me whilst being occupied with the intense conversations of multiple people. He hasn't reacted well. It was meant to be a cosy night in watching a movie together and I would feel like a third wheel to my own movie night. I have told him to just forget it and will go and watch it in a few minutes by myself. He hasnt reacted well

I don't think she's controlling at all. She has boundaries. He doesn't.

Exactly.

Boundaries are there to protect you.

The film will start at 8 or youl be punished. Lovely and healthy that.

He's a volunteer for a helpline. You can't just say "I know you need help but I'm going to watch a film with my girlfriend now."

Who's his priority here, clearly not you - instead some randoms on the internet. Some people would be fine with that, they'll probably be all round cool wives.

😂

or just people who didn't realise that watching tv at home on a Sunday night demanded a strict and firm commitment and that starting to watch a movie was deemed a harsh punishment for an adult😂

Her priority is clearly not him, but the film I want to know what the film was

He's just not that into you?

@wholivesondrurylane 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

YANBU at all, he made a commitment, he should stick to it bar a very good reason. And helping random strangers at movie time when he or others could help them tomorrow is not a good reason.

Watching the movie alone sends a message that your time is important too.

He sounds like he's got a god complex.

😂😂😂😂 Then doesn't that apply to everyone on this thread giving their opinion to help the op?

I'm going to try that later on. "Bring me supper...for I am God." 😆

Tell him not to bother - a lucky escape for him, and you feel like you've 'punished' him too.
Everyone wins!

YANBU to be really annoyed but using language like "punish" is chilling. It implies that you have the right to correct his behaviour whenever you don't like it.

Ah so when a women does it it's 'boundaries' a man 'controlling'?

So he's just typing on an app? Like you are here on Mumsnet? It's just a film at home I don't see the big deal.

Quite. I imagine it woild be fine for a man to punish a woman.

However, he's not actually her partner, she said "someone I have been seeing".

It does sound all a bit OTT to me. Why does the movie have to be watched at 8 pm, couldn't it wait until he has finished?

If someone was going to "punish" me for something so petty I would be heading for the hills.

@UpaladderwatchingTV "I don't think you're BU OP, if someone makes an arrangement whether it be with their partner, spouse or a friend, they should stick with it, unless something else which is literally a matter of life and death comes up."

"Hey, friend, I'm feeling really shit- you got a while to chat?"
"Sorry, no. Going to watch a movie."

So many variables here which would swing it either way in my opinion.

What sort of advice is he giving? "Help, I'm suicidal" clearly trumps an at home film night, but "will a 2nd class stamp get my letter there in time?" really doesn't.

Do you often have at home film nights? Are they usually pretty casual affairs or is this a get dressed up, light the candles, phones down sort of thing that only happens very rarely?

I reckon a bit of communication before the event to work out what you were both expecting would probably have worked well.

I think your date should have stuck with plans, and I would be miffed too.

However, you "punishing" him is waving a red flag to me.

Maybe she has work the next day?

I wouldn’t start a movie at 9pm, I need to be in bed by 10!

So, I have to go to work in the mornings, but if I really wanted to watch a movie with someone it wouldn't bother me what time I went to bed. It's a rare night I am in bed before 10 pm - and I daresay I am quite a bit older than OP.

I can't imagine wanting to watch a film on the tv and being prepared 20 minutes early as 'I knew about it all day'! Not like it's a one-in-a-lifetime event.

emphaticpretzel,That is strange, are you normally like this over unimportant things?

That’s fine for you, but doesn’t necessarily mean it’s fine for others.

Some people need more sleep than others. I don’t want to be tired all day at work because of a movie or to accommodate my boyfriend chatting to randoms.

Yeah I wouldn’t be waiting for him and would tell him I’d pass on it with him.

he wouldn’t be fully present for movie night. He wouldn’t be fully present in his time with me.
he’d be engrossed in his phone.

It sets a president that you allow and accept him being on his phone a lot whilst with you.

Nope.

Throw this one back if he can’t see why it’s an issue.

And somewhere on reddit, the man is posting about whether OP is BU to have planned meticulously for a film and punish him.

I'm still not convinced shes met him.