to punish him and watch the movie without him

[empatheticpretzel]

I was due to watch a movie with someone I have been seeing by 8pm. I was ready and waiting by 20 minutes before as I knew about it all day. 15 minutes before and he tells me he has just volunteered his time to multiple random people on the internet through an advice app or something and they are having quite a long conversation that will go over the 8pm and he doesn't know how long it will take. At 8pm he volunteers to watch the movie with me whilst being occupied with the intense conversations of multiple people. He hasn't reacted well. It was meant to be a cosy night in watching a movie together and I would feel like a third wheel to my own movie night. I have told him to just forget it and will go and watch it in a few minutes by myself. He hasnt reacted well

I don't think the cast of the movie care if he watches it or not

He's helping someone on the Internet. How does an extra 10 mins of letting him be kind harm the ops watching experience. It's hardly an abandonment! I couldn't live with someone who had to keep everything to the exact minute. Actually, to be fair, they wouldn't be able to live with me! 😆

You're reaction sounds a bit intense. He's rang to say he's going to be a bit late because the calls taking longer than anticipated. You're irritated so he says he can still come at 8 but will need to text in the background for a bit. Seems perfectly acceptable to me. I get you're a bit put out, and it's OK to say so but to be hatching up plans to 'punish him' sounds esteemly petty and smacks of personality disorder.
He hasn't rejected you. He's been considerate and given you the thumbs up. He's given you 2 options (finish call at yours, or come a bit later after call) and you've rejected them both. Unless he has form for this type of thing, you sound like hard work.

He sounds like a good guy

no, he doesn’t. I can’t stand people who will move mountains for other people being a martyr but won’t do it for their partner. They had plans and he put other people before that. It’s a lack of respect to the plans he’d already made.

Have you met this person in real life? The way you worded it makes me think not.

It was meant to be a cosy night in watching a movie together

Is that supposed to be a treat? I would never consider "watching a movie together" a kind of date, it's something you do when you have nothing else planned and you are killing time. Does he know it's a big deal for you?

You want to "punish" him? That is not normal or healthy and I hope the man you are seeing realises that.

They had plans and he put other people before that.

but for many of us, "watching tv" is not a plan, so does he even know it's a big deal? The tv is not going anywhere.

Would you consider going on MN at 8pm a big deal? Would it matter if

Why did the movie have to start at 8pm on the dot? That's a bit weird unless there's some drip feed coming.

The level of control you're trying to exert here seems intense. If he's not that bothered about watching the film I doubt he'll care that you watch it without him. It's a little ironic that you seem to look down on his 'internet randoms' yet come straight here to ask for the advice of internet randoms yourself.

FWIW DH and I are both on forums that can sometimes result in intense conversation or offering help (MN being one of them for me). If something comes up and there's no real consequence to the other then we just crack on.

An advice app... Intense conversation...Is he on MN by any chance?
YANBU
It's a Sunday night
Presumably you have work tomorrow and cant be up too late??

He sounds like he's got a god complex. Good on you for calling him out.

Yes it sounds like it’s the very early days of a new relationship. This kind of shit would make me think he wasn’t that into me or was playing games.

Throw this one back OP

I agree. And also how has he not "reacted well".

HE does?!

Oh good point! OP makes no mention of him not coming, so is he watching online with her?

But you're on mumsnet..

Yes @WildUnchartedWaters! He said he'd do something with the OP but decided he was super necessary to some online randoms.

Which is unreliable, fair enough , but I'd say Op has the controlling vibe here.

But you're on mumsnet..

After 8 o'clock.

This is about priorities, and he's showing OP that she isn't his. I think OP is getting a bit of a pile on because she said 'punished'. If she'd just asked was it BU to watch the film on her own the responses would have been kinder.

You sound like hard work. Just watch the flipping movie without him. I'm sure he will live. If he gets his knickers in a twist about it then the pair of you sound a bad match for each other

I was about to say this as well !!

Jesus wept.

I think you're both BU. He should make you a priority instead of literally going online and finding any random people he can get his feelz from for helping them with presumably trivial shit instead of spending time with you. You should chill the hell out and maybe if there's a pattern of this behaviour just dump him no drama needed.

Who's his priority here, clearly not you - instead some randoms on the internet. Some people would be fine with that, they'll probably be all round cool wives. You want someone who turns up when they say they will and I don't think that's unreasonable. Watch the film, not to punish him but because he's obviously not bothered about it if he can't be bothered to show up.

If this is a one off then no big deal, if this is a constant thing though, then you're probably not a good match.