To not understand the psychology behind lying about having gastric surgery?

[WhaleBlue]

I’ve met a couple of people in my life who have had surgery for weight loss. Good for them, it’s their body and their decision. However in both cases, both have lied about it. The first said she was in hospital a few days for a badly sprained wrist, the second just said they were going on holiday for a week.

one was a friend (or at least I thought she was), the other my sister in law.

I get it’s a personal decision and they have no obligation whatsoever to tell anyone, but obviously it soon becomes apparent they are losing a lot of weight in a very short time afterwards. Do these people think that people are too thick to work this out? I’m in no way judgemental, people should do whatever they want, but AIBU to be upset about being lied to?

help me understand please.

It's their own personal business & absolutely non none of yours, so why should you be upset that you're being lied to?

"...do they think people are too stupid to realise they've had surgery?"

Absolutely dripping in judgement OP.

I had gastric surgery... I told who needed to know only. Everyone else, I simply said dietary changes and smaller portions, which isn't a lie.

Some of us genuinely need more help with our weight, and have been shamed for not being able to lose weight by "eat less, move more" mantra.

To others - surgery might seem like a quick fix, but I promise you, from my perspective, it was years/decades long consideration and a truly life changing and quite traumatic process at the same time.

YABVU

People don’t want to share private medical information? Weird.

Well it is cheating.

Come off it OP. If you had a shred of empathy you’d easily figure this one out. You sound angry and resentful.

How did you come to that conclusion? When someone acknowledges their weight is a problem, then makes the decision to lose weight and improve their health, how can any route be deemed cheating?

Cheating what? Cheating who?

Cheating implies it’s some kind of game or competition. If you don’t understand the psychology of it, then you’re as lost as the OP.

@drpet49 do you also think elective c-sections are cheating? Pack it in.

The ONLY way it's a bit dodgy not to tell the truth about it is when you're promoting something else as the miracle for your weight loss. Like someone I know did.

They did the full blown 'influencer' route promoting clean eating and shakes etc.

Their fans still don't know and I think it's misleading.

Otherwise, no one else's business.

Unfortunately people are very opinionated when it comes to bariatric surgery. They revel in telling stories of botched surgery, how you're risking leaving your children without a mom, they disagree on NHS resources being used for 'vanity projects' or like to tell you how they lost half a stone by sucking on a lemon before going to bed and surely it's a case of eat less, move more. THAT, with the accompanying fat shaming is the reason people don't admit to having bariatric surgery.

I get where you are coming from
People who lie and say " ohh it's just a diet / yoga / natural no effort
Ect " Not helpful to others who are struggling

I suppose you should be told about people's bladder prolapse and hemorrhoids too.

It would be really, really irritating if you have lost weight through diet/exercise, possibly prompted by a health issue that required hospital treatment or from deciding they want to get more from their next holiday - and some judgy cunt insists that the only way you could have possibly managed it was to have had surgery and is bitching about you to others, whether just online or - far more likely - in real life as well.

The whole idea of surgery as "cheating" seems premised on the idea that weight loss is a sort of moral quest, that weight gain is intrinsically sinful (rather than merely unwise) and must be atoned for through the mortification of the flesh. So taking the easy route (if it were an easy route, which I doubt) doesn't count.

Why should you know?

I've lost weight with Ozempic but I choose who I tell that. It's not a secret but neither do I want it to be the first thing anyone thinks about me.

A well known feminist YouTube influencer went off line for 6ish weeks for a "detox", and when she came back she'd very obviously had a neck and face lift.

She deleted all comments that mentioned it. I don't blame her.

She probably felt shame that it wasn't seen as particularly "feminist" or just awkward about it generally. I don't blame her. I never judged.

It's not a competition. Cheating implies some sort of wrongdoing.

Interesting concept, the ‘cheating’ aspect. A facile way in which to describe it.

I spent a long time making the decision, having lost half my body weight previously (blood, sweat, tears, extreme exercise) then re-gaining after a very nasty accident and being unable to exercise much.

‘Cheating’ by having surgery is a ridiculous thing to say. The preparation is bloody difficult, you’re meant to prep by carrying out a liver reduction diet, which is basically about 800 calories a day, no carbs. This can be up to a month.

The post operation diet is very strict because you can’t afford to eat more than teaspoons of purée for a month (depending on who does it and their recommendation) then there’s always the possibility of putting the weight back on by failing to stick to the recommended portion sizes/foods. The impact on those you live with is massive. The impact on your social life is massive, I can’t eat a ‘normal’ meal in a restaurant. It is not some easy way out. If you don’t exercise-even if you do- the rapid weight loss may result in loose skin which may need removal-that’s a minimum of £6K from what I’ve seen, lots more in the UK.

Then of course there’s the complications eg a stricture which means you can’t eat at all because the new stomach is adhering to itself. This doesn’t resolve on its own, further surgery is required.

You might then need your gallbladder removed, I’m reliably informed that an attack of gallstones is the most painful thing ever, apparently worse than childbirth according to mums who’ve had it done. You may end up being peg fed because the operation simply didn’t allow you to eat/digest normally. Alternatively, you may ‘dump’ where you become faint, shake, can’t do anything, have to carry a bucket round or not be out of sight of the bathroom for weeks.

Yes, it doesn’t have to involve the move more, eat less (definitely has the eat less element) although it does really or the weight may go back on. Don’t say it’s ‘cheating’ because it’s a total, tough change of lifestyle which involves restricting your intake and making a massive effort forever more. Via the NHS, it can take years, which is why so many people go abroad. Fortunately, there are fabulous support groups who don’t think it’s ‘cheating’.

Fat people are seen by many as lazy, greedy gluttons who should simply eat less and move more but lack the willpower to do so. So surgery can be seen as yet another 'lazy' way out. If you've spent years on the receiving end of the unsolicited 'advice' handed out freely by anyone who cares to mention it - there's a lot of that about - then I expect many people are glad to reclaim ownership of their own body and remove it as a subject for public discussion. Good luck to them.

Because you might have bastard jealous people harping on about you, moaning about how they think you should have lose the weight, how they think you should spend your money, how they think you don’t look any different at all, how they think it’s all their business.

like my sister in law and the vicious things she’s said about a woman we know who just wants to be healthy.

none of our business.

Also I have lost 5 stone naturally using diet and exercise.
A family member had a band.

she has had a FAR harder journey imo. It is not the lazy or easy route at all.

when someone omits private but obvious information it’s not a judgement on how thick you are, it’s a pretty clear signal to keep your beak out!

Absolutely this.

I am one of those people that didn't tell anyone about my weight loss surgery.
I didn't want people to judge, watch what I ate or just make any comments in general really. It was my journey, not theirs and it was a very sensitive one.
Yes, I lost weight quickly. And when people asked how I was losing weight so quickly I just said I was reducing my calories.
I think it's completely up to the individual if they confide in people. It's no one else's business.

They’re not lying about it because they think you’re stupid or won’t notice though. They’re lying because it’s personal medical information with stigma attached to it. Just because something is “obvious” doesn’t mean they need to announce it or disclose it to you. If I fell over, I don’t need to disclose that to people and outwardly make them aware; I might be embarrassed and not want a conversation about it. I got pregnant, I don’t need to make people aware I’ve had sex even though they can see the changes to my body etc - it’s personal. Not everything requires social commentary.