To think shop workers shouldn’t have to deal with this?

[ItsCalledAConversation]

Overheard in higher-end supermarket this afternoon. A boomer-age woman shopper being helped by a student-age woman shop employee. As you do in supermarkets, we seemed to be taking the same route around the aisles so I overheard their convo a few times.

Employee repeatedly and calmly tried to help shopper: E.g, finding items, comparing prices. Shopper complains loudly, rudely and vociferously about: finding items items in shop. Availability of items on her list. Price of items. Whereabouts of staff. Whereabouts of employee as if she should be by her side throughout and acting as her personal shopping helper.

The poor employee, to her credit, kept her cool throughout this barrage and seemed professional. I was shocked by the level of vitriol and abuse. Her calm demeanour seemed to imply she was used to this kind of treatment. I almost said something (along time lines of “are you ok? You shouldn’t be speaking to her like that” but was with young DS and didn’t want to embroil him in a scene. I felt so so sorry for the employee.

Is there anyone here who acts like this toward people in shops? Is this in any way explainable? Or acceptable? I am shocked.

I work in a shop and have had abuse from people of all ages. Even children accompanied and encouraged by their parent.

@ItsCalledAConversation You could have made your point without mentioning her age why didn't you?

@LordEmsworth please show the exact place in my posts where I extrapolated the age of the shopper to represent the behaviour of all people of her age?

All - the woman shopper looked to be in her 70s or early 80s, I believe her age was relevant as she was speaking so imperiously to a much younger woman and using the status her age confers to demand respect where none was due. A younger person speaking to an older employee like that would, I believe, have been given short shrift so yes, I believe their relative ages did have bearing on the story.

Ok, I stand corrected and won’t use the term boomer descriptively again. I actually (mistakenly) thought it was a less problematic description than “older”. I see that was incorrect. I presume the same goes for all age descriptors - all out of bounds to say? For example student age, as in my descriptor of the employee, Gen X, Millennial etc? How would it have been more accurate and acceptable for me to have described this woman’s age? To have left out their relative ages would, as I have said above, have been leaving out a vital dynamic from the story.

It's not ageism. Yes, people of All ages can be dickheads but this particular one was of boomer generation age.

You are complaining about a rude person whilst being rude yourself. Using the word boomer is derogatory.

1946 to 1964 according to wikipedia. So if she was, say , 78, she wasn’t “boomer age”. I must admit I’m impressed at OP’s confidence at being able to distinguish a woman in her early 70s from one in her late 70s. I couldn’t. Come to that, I wouldn’t be able to distinguish late 50s (not boomer) from 59 or early 60s (boomer).

@Jesseweneedtocook Yes, people of All ages can be dickheads but this particular one was of boomer generation age.

How do you know, where you there?

I am also a ‘Boomer’ being 61. There are no ‘Boomers’ in their 80s, you are talking about the Silent Generation if that’s what she was, although clearly this woman was anything but silent
There are rude people of all age groups. You’ll find one just by looking in the mirror.

I used to work at B@Q and pensioner day was hell on earth.

There are rude people of all age groups. You’ll find one just by looking in the mirror.

Woah, harsh! 😂

@Azaeleasinbloom goodness me. You clearly haven’t read the full thread. You’re not doing much to address negative assumptions about the rudeness of your age group!

I'm in my 50s and apparently a boomer, my MIL is in her 70s and also a boomer. It's all nonsense, age-wise, but it's seen as derogatory to make older women look bad. I would never treat shop staff rudely. Its personality, not age.

For God's sake, stop being so narky and pedantic. There's nothing wrong with using the word boomer to describe what is actually quite a large age range of people.

Those getting offended by the term are probably boomers themselves and see too much of themselves in the OP 😊

I work in retail and find that the really unpleasant customers do fall into two very noticeable age categories, of middle aged women and men of retirement age. In both cases, I think it's because they are life stages which come with a lot of stress combined with a loss of status/external validation, and it seems to happen most with people who have been used to having a fairly high status due to looks/money/job and who are now a bit lost. And a small minority of them take that out on service workers. I generally just feel sorry for them, because while it's horrible to be shouted at for trivial things that you can't control, it must be even worse to be the shouter, whether that's because they are having a really bad day or because they are the sort of person who thinks that's acceptable behaviour.

@DoctorWoo Got to love a good old traditional Mumsnet OP pile-on though! Irresistible!

I have seen loads of posters on mn being rude and derogatory about gen x and gen z before and that never seems to get shut down in the same way it does when someone uses boomer or similar

@DaisyWaldron thank you, that’s the kind of insight I was hoping for when I started the thread! Interesting post. I think the lady today must have been feeling very overwhelmed by the whole store experience- and everything being so expensive - it was understandable in that respect. But they was she was speaking to the employee just wasn’t on.

This.

You’ve also been really vague about what was said.

I believe her age was relevant as she was speaking so imperiously to a much younger woman and using the status her age confers to demand respect where none was due.

Then you are mistaken in your assessment of the situation.

I have worked in retail and been spoken to rudely by many young females, who seem to have left home with a stick up their @r$es.

To infer that she was a grumpy old curmudgeon because she was possibly a 'boomer' is just plain nasty.

@Bellasignora i believe you’ve misunderstood my post. I absolutely didn’t say she was mean and rude “because” she was a boomer. I simply used the word boomer to describe her, which I have since accepted was unintentionally ageist. Do feel free to reread the thread if you need a refresher.

That's because some of the 'boomer' generation, being that bit older often are suffering with health problems.
If you have cataracts coming and can't see very well, and have lost your driving licence and your joints are full of arthritis and painful, it is frustrating. Then, you are trying to get around the shops before you need the loo, and supermarkets have a penchant for moving stuff around, so it isn't where you thought it was. You are a widow and have no-one to help you and have to go back to an empty house. etc etc
It can make them a bit cranky sometimes and they should be given a bit of leeway.

I agree - being over 55 doesn't give people a monopoly on being entitled (although I think men over 55 are the most entitled people around).

However, there are people out there who just like attention seeking. You also see it on planes when people are constantly asking for things. The people who spend 20 minutes at the check-in desk asking every question known to (wo)man when all they needed to do was look the website. And no, they are not all disabled, they just like the attention.

Reporting the "boomer" reference fits into that same category actually. Do you think that MN moderators have nothing better to do than constantly deal with moany website users. Save your reports for the things that really matter.

My DD worked for a well known chain of drug stores. If they had a Complainer in, they had a signal and the whole team, including the Manager turned into mouth breathers. They could spin an issue that might take two minutes with a reasonable customer out to 20 minutes and reduce grown women/ men to apoplexy.

A friend works for one of the big LVMH brands in Selfridges and says that recently the level of rude entitled behaviour is off the charts across many demographics and ages, people are just vile. There’s some tourist nationalities that see sales advisers as beneath them and can be impossibly rude, clicking fingers and not saying please or thank you. Some of the stories boil the blood.