Scared to go in the taxi alone

[Desperatehousewifeswasthebest]

Does anyone else have this?

I generally don’t drink much anymore, maybe the odd one and I drive or Dh does.
We have a 5 year old, I’m in my 40’s and did lots of going out in my youth.
I tend to meet friends for coffee or lunch and don’t really go out in the evenings much without family (some would say that’s quite boring 😅)
Anyway, my mums friends group have been trying to get it sorted to go out for a girls night for ages, it’s coming up. Dh will drop me off, which is fine, we’ll likely drink a bit so will get a taxi back, I’ve realised I’ll be the last on the journey so will be in the taxi alone. It’s sound so ridiculous but it’s making me so anxious
Does anyone else feel this?

Some said you have only two choices: go or not go.

Disagree, there's the third one . That's to take action to mitigate/minimise risks. As others said, lots can be done to make yourself safer.

Also, I don't think it's odd you feel worried. When I was in my 20s, I felt invincible, never thought ever something could happen to me, despite what happens to others. But now, I'm in my 40s, old enough to know the world is a real place all kinds of things could happen to anyone. Also I'm not used to go out anymore and would imagine that plays a part too. Particularly, with the awful cases reported in the past two years, I'd be extremely careful if I'm out alone at night.

So I don't think it's unreasonable you feel anxious, but it's manageable as others suggested.

If you are nervous I agree with the idea of a dummy run in the day time, using an app with tracking and, possibly being on the when you have dropped the previous person until you get home. However I take quite a lot of cabs at all times of the day and night (usually booked using Free Now) and I do check the registration number when they arrive with the one on the app but I’ve had no trouble and never been scared.

As far as I see if you have several options:

1. Don’t go
2. Go. Don’t drink. Drive yourself home.
3. Go. Get taxi. Take steps to deal with your anxiety (e.g. call DH on way, have phone tracking on, etc)

I really do think this is about dealing with anxiety rather than risk though. Are there other things you have irrational fears about? Is it worth speaking to your GP? (Genuine question: I ask as someone who had CBT after being plagued with irrational worries when my DC were younger)

I have no worries in this department but that doesn’t discount how you feel. Shit happens all the time but you can’t worry about something that may never happen. I would book a taxi with a local firm over Uber.

Rationally i know it’s just something to get on with so I do and just use a reputable local firm. But I totally get your fear, I had one too many weird taxi drivers in my youth and although the industry has improved massively, it remains in my mind. Sometimes when my teens get a taxi alone I chat to them by text / phone on the journey if they feel uncomfortable or anything, could you arrange this with a friend maybe?

Sorry. One other thought. I run a lot. I used to always take my phone with me and/or stick to very public footpaths. Then I got fed up of the limitations and decided, ‘fuck it’. Now I run where I want. The risk of harm is very low. The benefits are very high.

Essentially, I’m suggesting a risk/benefits assessment. What are the benefits of you going out on this trip? What are the risks? How can you mitigate the risks to reap the benefits?

I think it is odd and I think you need to do it to prove to yourself that you can! If you let the irrational nerves rule you it will limit your life. I don’t know where you live so that is an aspect, but I’m in London, taxi in black cabs constantly including when absolutely off my tits and have never had a problem. Same with Ubers, have never had an issue or felt unsafe.

All the tips about sending pic of reg to husband, calling husband in cab etc are great. Also it sounds like your friends will be in the cab with you for most of the journey and just you alone at the end? In which case you’ll have at least 2 people IDing the guy, which he will know! So even if you land in the only serial killers cab, he will be aware that many of your friends have seen his face and unlikely to do anything.

Why don't you drive and not drink? That way no need for cab home?

Make sure you leave early enough so you don't become designated driver.

I also wonder why people think this is an odd thing to be worried about. There have been several well documented cases in the news of women assaulted by taxi drivers.

Oh and I think you are being completely irrational and OTT about the taxi but driving yourself could be a solution?

Don't let people gaslight you into thinking you're odd or your fear is your fault.
Sadly we live in a society where some men are dangerous and because there's no way of knowing which ones, women to one degree or another have to excercise caution around all of them.
I doubt very much if all those belittling your fear would be comfortable to have the taxi driver behind them in a dark alley. Why not? Same guy, and he's either dangerous or he's not, and we don't know.
That said, we can't let our caution over what remains a statistically small risk get to the point where it prevents us doing our normal activities. The vast majority of men will not kidnap you in their taxi. Add in the measures suggested which would make it very easy to catch any man taking such a risk, and its vanishingly unlikely you would be harmed.

Sure uber is fine. I got one I rush hour last week and after a couple of minutes being stationary a message comes on the app asking if all is ok

I feel just the same as you. Just don't like it - I'm not an anxious person in anyway with anything else but for some reason this makes me very nervous!

I use taxi's all the time, most are tracked now in the App you use to book them, they send you the vehicle make, model reg number before the taxi even arrives!

If you use a reputable company then honestly I think they are very safe now!

Don't let this spoil your night out!

There are also documented cases of women abducted in broad daylight from a supermarket car park.

Fair enough not to be naive and irresponsible, jumping in a stranger's card because he claims to be a cab is stupid, take reasonable precautions like you do for everything.

You just can't stop living your life and be scared of your own shadow because "what if" and because it has happened to someone else.

Yes it is

Ignore the mean people calling you odd. Your anxieties are valid.

Use an uber. Its tracked , and you can also set up a thing where you can press a button to alert a contact if you're in trouble. It also picks up if your route changes.

For some people it's odd, personally I get extreme anxiety about it and cannot do it. I have understandable reasons that contribute to my not entirely rationally proportionate anxiety about it- likely no harm would ever come to me alone with a licensed taxi driver and I know that- knowing that however doesn't stop the amount of stress I'm under if I put myself through it from prior experiences and current vulnerabilities...that actually have fuck all to do with taxi drivers

I don't.

Yes.

What exactly are you worried about?

Yes

This has to be a wind up?

Do you analyse everything you do for potential serial killer possibilities?
It's quite ridiculous, millions of taxi journeys are made and it's incredibly rare for anything to happen.

Yes this is definitely an over anxious response.

I don’t live in a particularly metropolitan area but 90% of the taxi companies can be booked via app, it tracks the taxi and when you get in the app allows you to share your location.

Ive never felt the need to but the option is there.

I came on to say this. Surprised me the first time it happened but think it's a good idea

who's booking and therefore tracking the journey?

chat or send messages when you are in the cab on your own. If it's too late for that send some messages to yourself for the bings!

The thought always crosses my mind but I squash it and don't let it get me nervous. But I do put location tracking on and phone dh and let him know I'm in such and such and going to be home at such and such. And usually on Uber (but that's no guarantee of safety - Uber have done their best to wash their hands off in the past).
I also have navigation on so I know and question if they're going a different route. Which all means you need a battery pack with you.
I don't chat with the driver either - but I'm not a chatty person anyway.