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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Six years old niece is spoon fed

47 replies

Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:19

On holidays to my homecountry and today having my niece over who is almost 6 and still spoon fed. I had a fight with my mother because she was even spoon feeding her cake . I was like this is not even healthy food, if she doesn't want to eat sweets better she doesn't eat them. The background is my niece is really fussy with food which I get and is completely normal but not only she will not eat anything outside the few things she likes but also wants to be spoon fed. They even went on a school day trip with parents and while she was in the kids table she asked her mother to go and spoon feed her . If she eats something she doesnt like she vomits and is generally discussed easily from food. I am mentioning only the mother as my brother is away for work for long periods. I am getting preoccupied as my mother claims she is babysitting only a couple of days per week during summer and is not her responsibility to educate her and my sister in law and her family is spoon feeding her and they don't even try to stop that. I am the bad auntie that every time I visit I complain for her being spoon fed. She is a really clever energetic and communicative little girl but denies to eat by her self. Is that normal? I am afraid the reason could be psychological. Should I speak to my brother when he is back to ask specialist help? I still cannot understand how a kid wants to be spoon fed even a cake and when I said no she just didn't eat it .
AIBU to be preoccupied?

OP posts:
justanothernamechangemonday · 15/07/2023 22:20

NOYB.

MisschiefMaker · 15/07/2023 22:24

Why do people always want to write these things off as psychological? If she's regularly vomiting after rejecting food I would wonder about EoE. If she's an extremely fussy eater maybe it is a manifestation of stomach aches that she's subconsciously, and correctly, attributing to what she's eating.

Don't underestimate the number of young children with digestive issues and food intolerances and allergies. It's a total epidemic.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 22:25

I think it would be worth mentioning it to him politely and seeing where the conversation leads, just go carefully because there might be a real reason why this is happening. There are parents out there who massively baby their children though. My 19 month old insists on feeding herself with her spoon, for reference, but my three-year-old asks me to feed him sometimes, he is ND and doesn't always have the motor skills to eat things successfully so I help him when he asks but try to get him to do as much for himself as he can.

Circumferences · 15/07/2023 22:25

This is an odd one, because ordinary I'd say a child being spoon-fed at age 6 could possibly be neurologically diverse so that's none of your business how the child is raised, but it seems like the child is rather "normal" neurologically?
So a 6 year old, otherwise totally normal, being spoon fed is definitely weird.

How does the child cope at school? Do they eat normally at school away from their parents?

Merseymum992 · 15/07/2023 22:29

It is absolutely none of your business - so keep your nose out.

FourTeaFallOut · 15/07/2023 22:32

What do you think will be achieved by talking to your brother? Are you under the impression that he doesn't know she is being spoon fed or do you think that he hasn't realized that most children aren't being spoon fed at six years old? I'm just wondering what you think you'll be bringing to this conversation that he hasn't already considered?

Wenfy · 15/07/2023 22:32

Which country is this? Only in the UK really are kids expected to be fully self-sufficient by 6. In many countries it’s considered normal to spoonfeed or even handfeed kids for much longer

pinksquash13 · 15/07/2023 22:35

Not your business. Can't believe you had a row with your mother about it. What's it got to with you. Absolutely not your place to dictate what you think is best for the child. Let's be honest, parenting is tough and I really doubt she'll be spoon fed when she's a teenager.

Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:36

Well when in nursery ( in my home country is till age of 4) she wanted to be spoon fed . Her teacher did spoon fed her most of the times ... in some point she told her that she doesn't have time to feed her as she needs to feed younger kids. So then my niece was just skipping lunch and was hungry when was at home. Now is in kindergarten (age 4-6) ny niece started last year when she was almost as she is born on january and when she asked her mother to hire a feeding nanny . She normally eats cereal bars and banana at school by herself. she is really clever and behaving completely normal in everything else. We are really close family and we come from a south european country. The kids spends a lot of time with aunties ,grandparents ect so I thought she is just spoilt. But seeing her been spoon fed chocolate crepe and cake makes me think it cannot be a normal thing for a kid to prefer not to eat a sweet than eat it by her self.

OP posts:
amberisola · 15/07/2023 22:36

Is there any chance it's a cultural or family thing? I live abroad in country where children are babied to the extreme, and my nephew was spoon-fed (while watching a screen, with both parents hovering anxiously over him) until he was around 8. I found it extremely weird but it seems quite common here.

I know in the UK we'd be told it's food intolerance or ND or something but that's not what was happening in this case. Just extreme helicopter parenting.

Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:38

Greece

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 15/07/2023 22:39

Circumferences · 15/07/2023 22:25

This is an odd one, because ordinary I'd say a child being spoon-fed at age 6 could possibly be neurologically diverse so that's none of your business how the child is raised, but it seems like the child is rather "normal" neurologically?
So a 6 year old, otherwise totally normal, being spoon fed is definitely weird.

How does the child cope at school? Do they eat normally at school away from their parents?

I’d say the opposite!

OP why is it anything to do with you? Do you think her not eating at all was a positive thing? Don’t even get me started on your comments regarding cake 🙄

MenArentMindReaders · 15/07/2023 22:40

You obviously don't know the full picture. And it's coming across like you are judging it rather than trying to understand what's going on.

Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:41

People say is not my business but I am genuinely worried . I don't comment about bad manners ect . I feel I am along with grandparents the next closest family member to her after her parents and I do have a responsibility towards her. Maybe my feeling is wrong ... but I think I have an important role in her life being a close family member

OP posts:
Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:43

I do know the full picture, at least I know what parents do which is she is just fussy and we spoon feed her because we need to ensure she will eat something.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 15/07/2023 22:43

And what does that responsibility look like when it's not just complaining at everyone? Do you any researched suggestions to tackle the issue?

Blessedbethefruitz · 15/07/2023 22:47

Tricky one. My ds4 (5 in January) is often still having us feed him sometimes, like holding his banana etc when out for walks, for him to bite, or putting pasta into his mouth. He doesnt usually eat unleas distracted. I think he's NT, but have referred him back for assistance over the summer. If his feeding conditions are not met (extreme fussy, under eating, underweight, high calorie milk overnight with supplements) he just goes without and does not complain of hunger. But his hanger is obvious. So I can see how this feeding pattern happens. Mine incidentally feeds himself fully at nursery...

I like to think this is not a parenting issue as his little sister is basically a hoover. Everything is fair game. I have no advice, contrary to popular opinion, some kids really won't eat even when they're hungry...

Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:52

It is not that she needs to be fed some times .. she is being fed always. Today in the beach we were having melon it was already cut in pieces but not tiny ones, could be a big mouthful or 2 small. She asked me to give her some so I got a piece with the fork and gave the fork to her ... she gave it to the other auntie and told her is too big , then her auntie hollding the fork told her to bite it so she cuts half and my niece asked how to do that. Because she never has to bite almost anything as she is given small pieces already cut in the size she needs. Some times I am thinking maybe she is scared she cannot do it . I really don't know if I am exaggerated

OP posts:
Snickers94 · 15/07/2023 22:53

Some kids get babied a lot and it results in a lack of independence. My niece is similar although sometimes she does eat by herself. Most of the time she gets really lazy and my mum has to take over and feed her while she watches TV.

Could your niece be similar?

MenArentMindReaders · 15/07/2023 22:53

Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:43

I do know the full picture, at least I know what parents do which is she is just fussy and we spoon feed her because we need to ensure she will eat something.

Well from this in your OP it indicates that you don't have the full picture.

Is that normal? I am afraid the reason could be psychological. Should I speak to my brother when he is back to ask specialist help? I still cannot understand how a kid wants to be spoon fed even a cake and when I said no she just didn't eat it .

I can't work out if you're judging the parents or the child though

pizzaHeart · 15/07/2023 22:55

It’s definitely not normal but there might be some issues. She is bright and energetic but still can have problems with certain motor skills, issues with certain textures or digestive problems (of course I do hope she’s just spoiled and there is no problems).
If a child refuses to eat by themselves the professional advice is often to feed them to avoid confrontation and to make mealtimes positive experience and only then gradually to introduce self feeding. So maybe your DB and DSIL just do this.

Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 22:58

I am not judging any of the 2. The kid is a kid need to be guided and taught and the parents could be they don't know what to do to make her eat otherwise. It seems is only me I find feeding her not normal while she is capable to eat. She could at least eat a little a but by herself and then they could feed her the rest. I am not commenting why she doesn't eat variety of food or why she doesn't sit on a table to eat...I am commenting about her being in a kids party and eating nothing. Not even a bit of pizza

OP posts:
Startyabastard · 15/07/2023 23:00

It is literally not your business.

Original poster
Sofita90 · 15/07/2023 23:03

No one is trying to ask her to eat by herself except me . And my brother when he is home but he quits easily. Last year through a game (I was pretending I want to eat her egg) she ate her egg by herself but this is the last time she ate something other than cereal bar or banana by herself . The reason I am posting is to see if this is more normal than I think if the rest of the family is right not trying to do anything to change the situation

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 15/07/2023 23:06

Wenfy · 15/07/2023 22:32

Which country is this? Only in the UK really are kids expected to be fully self-sufficient by 6. In many countries it’s considered normal to spoonfeed or even handfeed kids for much longer

Don’t be ridiculous.