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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much allowance to give student DS over Summer

40 replies

Soddingcat · 15/07/2023 22:17

DS has just finished 1 st year uni
we pay accommodation and he gets loan to live on and he gets £25 per week from us to clean weekly

we continue to pay this while he is away

He hasn’t been able to get a job as he’s away over the summer a few times (funded by us )
this means it’s hard to get a job for a couple of weeks at a time

He has savings of £1200 that he has offered to put towards his accommodation next term

He is extremely frugal and never asks for a penny extra , he’s the least entitled young man ever .
he is clearly a bit down and when I asked he said he can’t do anything as he has no money
he is ND so won’t cope with a Job term time so we are happy to fund this to help him focus on his. Course that he is scraping through ( just )

I’ve said he can have some of his savings , but he said he thought he was giving it all for the accommodation

I’ve sent him over £200 of his savings , and he was all pleased and rang his friend to meet up

I feel sad because DH and I had little growing up and dont want that for ours , but equally don’t want entitled kids which ours really aren’t ,
so how much do you you think would be fair to give him ?

He is unable to realistically get sporadic work due to no fault of his own this summer so please no snarky comments about him needing to work ,
he really wants to

aibu I

OP posts:

oldermen · 15/07/2023 22:30

I don't think you should be giving him anything.

You already pay him to clean but he doesn't do it because he's away.

You pay his accommodation and trips etc.

He needs to get a job, even if it's the odd shifts here and there because he can't commit.

maybebalancing · 15/07/2023 22:35

I would give him what you can afford comfortably.

If he is ND he is already managing a fair amount just moving through life.

Is there any nearby work that can be done very short term?

I used to have a academic commitments that messed up my ability to work during summer breaks but I did have a part time term job. ( I'm ND)

fruitbrewhaha · 15/07/2023 22:35

When I was at uni, a very long time ago, I used the summer to work and make some money.

There are vacancies everywhere in hospitality, tell home to to earn some cash.

Member786488 · 15/07/2023 22:49

Oh for gods sake OP I’m with you - let the lad have a bit of cash to enjoy his holidays! He has a job - to study - and this is his time off. Young people have enough bloody money worries going forward, you sound like you’ve raised a lovely young man so reward him by treating him.

Why not ask what he thinks would be a good amount of money and go from there?

Popcorn640 · 15/07/2023 23:01

Member786488 · 15/07/2023 22:49

Why not ask what he thinks would be a good amount of money and go from there?

This ^^

He's lived frugally, good for you for rewarding that.

UsingChangeofName · 15/07/2023 23:02

I agree with Olderman

Ginola2345 · 15/07/2023 23:10

Popcorn640 · 15/07/2023 23:01

This ^^

He's lived frugally, good for you for rewarding that.

Show quote history

In the circs and if you can afford it I would say this.

But I am sure he could possibly do some adhoc hospitality work over the time he is available over the summer which would help give him some structure over the summer and the satisfaction of having some money he’s earned himself.

Maybe car park steward if any festivals, shows or horse racing near you. Or event staff at any hotel, wedding type venues etc etc. Working at a garden centre, kennel (if he likes dogs), cafe, tourist attraction etc etc. Or ask friends if they know of any openings.

Soontobe60 · 15/07/2023 23:11

Why does he have to ask you for access to his own savings?

underneaththeash · 15/07/2023 23:14

He can easily get warehouse work (which pays well. You can go it week/week. Lots of jobs on indeed.
however, if you’ve money to give him there’s no harm in him having that too.

orangeleavesinautumn · 15/07/2023 23:14

I think you support your student children. Whatever you calculate your monthly contribution to their university years is, continues over the summer. If you are paying £25 a week (£100 a month, say) that is incredibly low, and even with maximum loan, the govt advises far more than that. I was paying £270 a month with the maximum loan, in line with govt advice.

Is there a reason your contributions are so low?

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 15/07/2023 23:15

I’d give him what you can afford and what you’re happy to give him. He sounds like a good kid who has struggle which he’s trying hard to overcome. Why make life more miserable than it has to be?

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 23:18

If you can afford it do it, but he could also sign up to some temp agencies. I had a job for a few weeks one summer literally shredding any financial documents dated before a certain date. Boring as hell especially as podcasts and wireless earbuds didn't exist back then, but reasonably paid and it was only a few weeks work on top of an evening/weekend job I had. Also used to get a week here and there reception type work during sickness or holiday in smaller companies.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/07/2023 23:19

He is extremely frugal and never asks for a penny extra , he’s the least entitled young man ever

He hasn’t been able to get a job as he’s away over the summer a few times (funded by us ) this means it’s hard to get a job for a couple of weeks at a time

Well he doesn't need to ask for an extra penny when you're funding him going away over the summer! That doesn't sound like he's the least entitled young man ever

That being said, if you can afford to fund him then I definitely would. But don't make out he's really humble and not asking for things when he's literally being handed it all!

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 23:19

underneaththeash · 15/07/2023 23:14

He can easily get warehouse work (which pays well. You can go it week/week. Lots of jobs on indeed.
however, if you’ve money to give him there’s no harm in him having that too.

If you live near a warehouse. And have the physical strength for the job. 🙄

OP despite the fact you've clearly stated that your DS can't get a job this summer and that you are not asking "what job can my DS get this summer" but are in fact asking "how much allowance to give student DS over summer" apparently some people spent so much time working through school/uni that they missed those classes on basic reading comprehension.

I'd offer him about £50-£100 a week just to cover him so he can do some nice things. He will never have this time and freedom once he graduates as he'll be straight into the world of work, and there's plenty of time for that later. I worked through my summers at uni and it would have been lovely to be able to actually have the freedom to see friends, spend time doing uni work, and get work experience in my field without worrying about how to pay for it all.

finewelshcheese · 15/07/2023 23:36

There are temping agencies he could sign up with that don't require him to be available constantly, or there's indeed flex (an online app for picking up temp work)

You're not doing him any favours saying he doesn't need a job.

UsingChangeofName · 15/07/2023 23:41

orangeleavesinautumn · 15/07/2023 23:14

Is there a reason your contributions are so low?

That is on top of his loan, and after accommodation has been paid for

we pay accommodation and he gets loan to live on and he gets £25 per week from us to clean weekly

So, if that is minimum loan that is around £4500 pa, if it is maximum, it is £9K+

Somethingintheattic · 15/07/2023 23:55

He needs to get a job (and that is not being snarky). He is away a few times over the summer..funded by us. We support our son at uni - He is going away once over the summer with his girlfriend and working the rest of the time. He could go away more often but isn't- he needs to work. Also why is everyone's son or daughter ND as a reason for not working?

GardeningIdiot · 15/07/2023 23:57

If he is not entitled and is frugal then let him have his savings for himself, and not use them towards accommodation. Up to him to budget them until he can earn some more.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/07/2023 00:07

He could sell things on Fb marketplace and also advertise himself as a odd jobs helper -lots of people do clear outs etc and need an extra paid of hands locally , then the holiday won't make a difference. Air tasker etc are good websites for that where people post jobs and then people can bid for them

Original poster

Soddingcat · 16/07/2023 04:58

To answer some questions,
His ND is not an excuse for him or others not to work , he is only just managing to scrape passes as it is , we want him to concentrate on that . If he fails the course because of extra workload then that is not helpful is it ?
He came back and had not submitted his final essay and did not tell them , he finds communication very difficult and puts his head in the sand , it’s very frustrating, if he has more pressure term time then it will impact on him for sure

To orangeleavesinautumn, our contribution is not low , if you read the op properly you will see we pay his accommodation which is £260 per week in London.
he gets minimum loan allowed , a bit extra as he is In London , and he lives on that along with the extra £25
He transfers his money weekly and has a daily budget . He never goes over it , he cooks from scratch and cycles / skateboards so does not pay much for transport

His savings my DH keeps on a monzo pot for him
He can have it , however he had offered to contribute to next term’s accommodation as it’s so expensive, we hadn’t decided on a figure for this contribution so he just assumed he had to give it all
like I said , despite him “having it all on a plate “ he is careful and does not expect stuff
we offered him the trips and he would never have asked us which is why we don’t mind

he has looked for part time work but thinks they won’t give him it as he’s is away in august

He is going to email and few and give the dates he is available

There is lots of good advice about temp jobs above so thanks for that
He is definitely wanting to do some work over the holidays

OP posts:

Gingerkittykat · 16/07/2023 05:26

Not related to finances but does he get disability support in uni?

My DD gets support from an autism communication coach for things like late submissions or other communication with uni staff.

Sceptre86 · 16/07/2023 05:41

Does he have all the support he needs at uni and do you think honestly speaking uni is the correct fit for him? Is his tutor aware he is nd, does he have access to support such as extended deadlines, support from student support (or simiar) just to pick up on things if he is starting to get iverwhelmed and let work slide. I'd he more focused on him just scraping passes and whether it's worth it longterm.

Money wise he's in full time education and in my head that means that I'd be inclined to support which you are. Realistically speaking it wouldn't be easy to get a job even a casual one over summer as it would take time to train him and he isn't likely to be there long enough to complete training and then work. I'd put that to bed this summer, he could think about it for next year. Money wise it's up to you, there is no wrong or right answer.

If he did want a term time job but on more of a casual basis so it doesn't interfere with his studies but adds to his cv then could he look at signing up to help out his department on open days, interview days. I used to do it and it was great fun, I'm quite shy normally but loved my course so could easily talk about it and answer questions. I used to get paid for it but not sure if that's still the case.

Lostatsea10 · 16/07/2023 05:43

No advice @Soddingcat as my two are still small but you sound absolutely lovely. My 5.5 year old is ND and I love to hear how positively you are supporting your DS through uni and into a young man. It gives me hope for these hard days and battles to be over.

Your pride in him shines through your words. I hope he has a wonderful summer, travelling and enjoying himself.

Nappyvalley15 · 16/07/2023 06:02

If you can afford it, I would give him about £50 per week. Uni was a big change for a ND kid so I see nothing wrong with him having the time off after his 1st year. Also he is away quite a but.

Hopefully he is getting all the disabled student support he is entitled to at uni. I also think pp made a good suggestion about occasional ad hoc work for the uni during term time - open days, etc. Just to add to his CV. He could also plan to get a job next Summer.

Motheranddaughter · 16/07/2023 06:04

We continue to pay the same amount as their rent is still payable
They work and use that for holidays

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