Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else’s husband like this?

39 replies

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 21:51

He doesn’t like anyone coming to the house UNLESS it’s his family. Gets in a strop, is moody, acts like a child and is very rude unless it’s his family. He switches to a thoughtful and kind guy on the occasions it’s his family. Just to note his siblings live 30 minutes away but he only sees them 2x a year as they are too busy. I’ve seen the texts when they always respond with “I’ll let u know”. I’m closer to my siblings and he’s very jealous of that fact. My niece is coming to stay (first time ever) as I need help with kids next week. He went into an almighty strip today and now has gone to bed “upset”. It’s not an adult way to react to things is it? When his family come I am so welcoming and nice to them.

OP posts:
Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 21:52

.*strop not strip!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/07/2023 21:53

Bin him off.

Notimeforaname · 15/07/2023 21:55

I couldn't be with someone like that. How selfish, rude and controlling. He treats you like this because his hope is that eventually you will stop inviting people.

BertieBotts · 15/07/2023 21:55

My ex was like this, it's very controlling. It's a miserable way to live because you struggle to retain relationships with friends and family. One relationship can't realistically outweigh all of that.

Unclecornelius · 15/07/2023 21:55

It’s your home too @Ann3216
He can’t stop you having guests within reason.

sunshineandshowers40 · 15/07/2023 21:56

Has he said why he behaves like this ( not that it makes it alright)? How is he when/ if u meet family or friends outside the home?

Thunderisntnicebythebeach · 15/07/2023 21:57

My dh was the same. Even ruined my 40th birthday party...
He was an ex before I was 41...
The clue here is his own family don't want to be around him.

teacherteacherss · 15/07/2023 21:58

Gf

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 21:59

But how can I reason calmly with him?

he acts like a child and I can’t talk to him. I wish I could understand his point of view. We’ve never met anyone outside of the house. I meet my friends etc. outside on my own with the kids but never with him.

OP posts:
Thunderisntnicebythebeach · 15/07/2023 22:01

He is telling you loud and clear.. He is a spoilt man child.
Really op is that your worth?

thistimelastweek · 15/07/2023 22:03

No. My husband is very welcoming to my family. To the extent of giving up space and comfort in the short term

Because family matters. Both mine and his.

Caroparo52 · 15/07/2023 22:06

I think you've answered own question..... you can't reason with a such childish person. They don't want to hear reason. Its not part of their plan.
Its not a good situation. Sorry to say op.
He's trying to control you by alienating you. Start of a slippery slope of gaslighting.
Take note now and be aware of where this is going.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/07/2023 22:09

Nope, because I'm not married to a petulant child.

You can't reason with him. He has to choose to behave like a decent person and loving partner.

MenArentMindReaders · 15/07/2023 22:13

When he's out of the sulk can you talk to him about it?

Notimeforaname · 15/07/2023 22:18

You cant reason with him because he wont reason with you.

You can either tell him you're leaving because he wont speak properly with you or you can just accept that he is like this and this will be your life with him.

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 22:22

He’s just come down and said we need to divorce. I said yes that’s good for me and he’s gone up slamming the doors.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 15/07/2023 22:24

My niece is coming to stay (first time ever) as I need help with kids next week. He went into an almighty strip today and now has gone to bed “upset”

So what is his solution to the childcare problem? Tell him niece will stay away if he puts in proper plans, and pays for it.

Oh....and it's time for him to either get therapy for his issue or for you to get rid of a controlling, manipulative abuser. I know which one I would prefer to do.

Thunderisntnicebythebeach · 15/07/2023 22:24

My dh used to threaten to leave. Once did for a week. Then graced me by coming home.. I spent a year on absolute eggshells. Then he fucked up big style and I threw him out. Oh my days the relief..
The euphoria..

Pixiedust1234 · 15/07/2023 22:24

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 22:22

He’s just come down and said we need to divorce. I said yes that’s good for me and he’s gone up slamming the doors.

Shock

Well done you!!

Ellie56 · 15/07/2023 22:24

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 22:22

He’s just come down and said we need to divorce. I said yes that’s good for me and he’s gone up slamming the doors.

Sounds like you would be well rid of him. He is a massive controlling twat and no, most normal adults don't behave like this.

sandyhappypeople · 15/07/2023 22:26

Not mine, but my sister's ex husband was like this.

He'd either be rude and 'slammy' or he'd just sit in the corner and ignore us completely, wouldn't even say hello or goodbye. He didn't like her going out to see family either, they had children but they never went anywhere together as a family apart from his parents, but if she went out to visit our mum with the kids he would ring her up and guilt trip her by saying he had made plans to go out as a family that day but they couldn't now because she'd already gone out, she'd very often end up in tears over it, because he'd then give her the silent treatment when she got back for 'ruining' his plans. I honestly prayed for the day she'd tell him to 'stick his imaginary plans up his arse' and just carry on as she was, but she never could. I hated the fact she picked a prick like this to start a family with.

To be honest it annoys me that people pander to this sort of thing! It may be very black and white of me but I don't understand how you can even be in love with someone that behaves that way. I think it's like any sort of abuse in a relationship though, it builds up bit by bit until you're a shadow of former self and you think you're in the wrong, and you're trying to change your behaviour to suit them all the time, at the very least It's ignorant and selfish at the most it's controlling and abusive, none are acceptable.

If you feel comfortable with doing this and for the sake of your visitors who are walking into that atmosphere, then address the elephant in the room when it happens! Just say to your guests in front of him 'sorry about DH, he hates having anyone round apart from his own family, so he'll probably act like a shit until you've gone, but don't pay any attention, it's him that in the wrong' If he goes off in a huff then fucking let him, you then GIVE him the silent treatment, DO NOT pander to it and do not accept him treating you this way, otherwise I doubt it will stop there.

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 22:26

His plans got childcare is for his mum to come everyday to look after the kids. They live 25/30 mins away (45 mins in rush hour) she’s in her mid 70’s. In poor health.

OP posts:
Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 22:27

*for

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/07/2023 22:27

My god, op, it's absolutely tragic how much of your life you've wasted on this man. What a toxic environment for your kids to live in. The smartest thing you could ever do is to divorce him.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/07/2023 22:29

Ann3216 · 15/07/2023 22:22

He’s just come down and said we need to divorce. I said yes that’s good for me and he’s gone up slamming the doors.

😂😂😂

He didn't expect that, did he?

Twat thought you'd cry, beg for his forgiveness and cut off your family to appease him.

Now follow through on this golden opportunity he's gifted you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread