Anyone else’s husband like this?

[Ann3216]

He doesn’t like anyone coming to the house UNLESS it’s his family. Gets in a strop, is moody, acts like a child and is very rude unless it’s his family. He switches to a thoughtful and kind guy on the occasions it’s his family. Just to note his siblings live 30 minutes away but he only sees them 2x a year as they are too busy. I’ve seen the texts when they always respond with “I’ll let u know”. I’m closer to my siblings and he’s very jealous of that fact. My niece is coming to stay (first time ever) as I need help with kids next week. He went into an almighty strip today and now has gone to bed “upset”. It’s not an adult way to react to things is it? When his family come I am so welcoming and nice to them.

Wow, that escalated quickly.

Good for you for standing up for yourself, keep up the good work!

My dad is like this. He is undiagnosed autistic (I'm diagnosed, he is absolutely classic presentation) and he both finds people in his space really hard and he is incapable of understanding and dealing with his own feelings so he strops and flounces.

It's ridiculous and unacceptable and my mum should have left him years ago, instead she lives a miserable life with him controlling everything and her being lonely.

It was awful as children, we couldn't have friends round, and now he even doesn't like me visiting! His own daughter. He's got worse as he's got older.

Divorce him. He can live his lonely life on his own.

After a disagreement one evening XH rang his sister and told her we were getting divorced. All sorts of details about how we would separate homes and finances, organise where the children went to school etc; seemed he had it all worked out. I thought it sounded great. So I said yes, let's do that. Turned out he hadn't meant a word of it. He even tried to deny the whole phone call.

We have now been divorced for 15 years and it's marvellous.

Great response 😅He was probably expecting you to grovel!

@zurala really sorry to hear this. Must have been tough for you. What does your dad actually say/do when you visit? That must be so heartbreaking for you.

if you don’t mind me asking - how was your dad with his own family? Did your mother ever manage to reason and get him to communicate?

My ex didn't like me spending time with family or friends . I wanted my sister to come Xmas day he was furious and refused to let her come during present opening or while we were eating. Said she could come for an hour late morning. Her car wouldn't start so she had to ring rac. And wait. He slammed about so much, refused to let any of us eat (we had two young children) until she left . On Christmas Day.

He also use to threaten to leave/divorce, it use to terrify me in to behaving as I knew I wouldn't cope on my own. )he told me so enough times) One day he decided to leave to 'teach me a lesson' he decided he would stay with his parents a few months so I would see what I was missing. Within two weeks I realised I could manage just fine on my own and actually not having that feeling of dread when he was due home felt bloody lovely. I changed the locks and never looked back.

My sister comes when she wants at Christmas. I've been to countless bands, festivals, comedy nights, loads of girls holidays/weekends. And I taught my children that it's better to be happy single than miserable married.

@AutieNOT0tie thats lovely! I’m so happy for you and your kids x

Did he try to come back?!

He ignores us mostly, but also fusses about everything we do. We are sitting wrong, eating wrong, we are too loud, we don't use the door properly, we don't hold our cutlery properly, we like eating the wrong food, he basically criticises everything constantly because he's uncomfortable and can't deal with it.

Mum never pulls him up on it, she decided years ago just to put up with it in silence which is why it's got so bad. He thinks he's completely normal and that everyone else is the issue. It's exhausting and I don't like spending time with him because he's such hard work to put up with. I actually don't think I love him, I don't really care if I see him or not.

His own family was fucked up. His brother was the golden boy but died youngish, then they were just maudlin about it all the time, for years and years, and he wasn't even a very nice person! His mother was always critical of everyone and his dad would just sit in a corner ignoring everybody. I didn't enjoy spending time with them either. My dad was treated really badly by his parents all his life, it's really sad, but he's never dealt with that so instead he just has massive issues.

My brother is also very difficult.

I'm doing my best to break the curse for myself and my children!

Fuck that! Ltb

It's a difficult one. I don't think overnight guests should be tolerated if eg you don't have a room for them or OH doesn't want them there unless it's a emergency/something out of the ordinary.
Are you I tending for your niece to stay more than one night? Do you have a room for her? Do you mind your OH doing his own thing?

With daytime/evening guests I like to know they're coming. In your OH situation I would probably make myself scarce.

You've said you're always hospitable to his guests and expect the same. You might feel that as your family are only round say once a fortnight that's not too much to ask. He might feel that they're there every other week. There's no right or wrong.
I think if you said you weren't going to be hospitable to his family he probably wouldn't be that bothered provided you're not rude.
I find it strange that people find these things out when they've been married for years.

What????

I’m so sorry OP that you have had to endure this. You’re not alone with dealing with a partner like this, my ex was totally the same as what you and some of the other posters have described.

I endured 14 soul destroying years of this, he managed to manipulate my life and thinking, so badly that I couldn’t take anymore. I hardly saw my family, because of his controlling behaviour. If my friends or my family ever visited (which whittled down to never) he would sit in the living room sulking and generally being ignorant with a clear objective to make everyone uncomfortable.

How did I get out of this? I wish I could say I saw the light, but the truth is I found out he was having an affair. That was my escape, my lovely mum, had said to me years before to open a savings account and put a little bit of money in it when I could, and to never let him know about it.
I had these few savings and just managed to start again.

It’s took me a long time to feel like “me” again, but at least I will never have to ask permission again to make a cup of tea in my own home.

Be strong op, honestly I can totally relate to what you’re going through, it’s vile living your life like this.

sending you strength and hope for a brighter
Future x

God what a self-important cock. He thinks you're a child and need to get permission from him to have friends over. Does he not understand that your wants and needs are equal to his?