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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable with this?

33 replies

Ithinktherefore · 15/07/2023 21:11

Ds, aged 11, is keen on a girl in his class at school. They’ve been on one date (to the sweet shop in our town) and are now ‘officially’ boyfriend and girlfriend. She’s lovely. He’s lovely. So far, so cute.

Today he went to town with dh, I sensed they were in cahoots about something beforehand but I was busy with laundry etc. They came back with a sparkly, ‘diamond’ necklace for ds’s girlfriend, it’s not particularly childish and cost £20. The shop they bought it from is closing down and has 30% off everything so it looks even pricier.

Why has this made me feel so uncomfortable? I’m cross with dh for encouraging it but encouraging what?

It’s triggered something in me and has left me feeling very confused!!

AIBU or is it ok that he gives his girlfriend a gift like this after one date at such a young age?!?

OP posts:
ManchesterLu · 15/07/2023 21:20

I think it's cute. If it's his first girlfriend he might need a little chat about not coming on too strong, but I still think it's cute.

TheHolyGrailSpeaks · 15/07/2023 21:23

Agree it’s cute. £2,000 or £200 is OTT. But this is only £20?

Gettingfleeced · 15/07/2023 21:24

My first thought was that it is quite expensive for an 11 year old, but I don't think there is anything shady about a boy getting his girlfriend a gift.

Are you worried about what he might expect in return?

Silverstreaks · 15/07/2023 21:24

I'd feel really uncomfortable about that too. Either as the parent of a child receiving or a parent of a child doing the gifting.
Too much. Too soon.

Chocolates, Prime or sour patch would be a more relevant at this stage.

ButterCrackers · 15/07/2023 21:25

It’s too much. A box of chocolates would be better.

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 15/07/2023 21:26

Waaay too much!!

She will want to reciprocate,no?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 15/07/2023 21:27

Your DS is growing up and it's scary.

Superdupes · 15/07/2023 21:29

A bit much - could he save it for her birthday or something?

xyz111 · 15/07/2023 21:31

Is there a reason behind the present?

itsmylife7 · 15/07/2023 21:32

He's a late starter my son was 9 when he conned me in to buying his girlfriend a silver knecklace.... this was for valentines day 😄
We laugh about it now he's much older.

Archeron · 15/07/2023 21:46

Too much too soon. Overly generous and seems like he’s being taken advantage of. You need to speak to him about being sensible with money and not giving it away to people. Teenage years are when the naive kids get conned out of money by the more savvy ones!

NeverThatSerious · 15/07/2023 21:49

Oh I couldn’t get worked up about this. If it became a weekly occurrence, I’d probably be a bit more concerned but this is just quite sweet. I still have a little bracelet my ‘boyfriend’ bought me when I was 10, and he was 11.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 15/07/2023 21:53

It’s sweet! I couldn’t get worked up over this.

Notmineagain · 15/07/2023 21:58

I don't think it's cute. He's a young child, why is he having girlfriends? 11yo aren't as naive as you think op.

10HailMarys · 15/07/2023 21:58

Archeron · 15/07/2023 21:46

Too much too soon. Overly generous and seems like he’s being taken advantage of. You need to speak to him about being sensible with money and not giving it away to people. Teenage years are when the naive kids get conned out of money by the more savvy ones!

This is a very weird judgement. The girlfriend is an 11-year-old child, not some kind of grasping femme fatale intent on fleecing him Confused She wasn’t even there when he bought it. He went to buy it with his dad!

OP, I think it’s adorable that he wanted to buy her a present, and I definitely got given some little bits of costume jewellery by a boy when I was about that age! Maybe £20 seems quite a lot to spend, and I think DH should have reined it in a bit, but I think the overall sentiment is pretty harmless. They’re 11; it’s basically playing at being boyfriend and girlfriend at that age and this is just part of that I think. I wouldn’t worry.

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 15/07/2023 21:58

I don't think it's 'cute' either

Ponoka7 · 15/07/2023 22:01

I'd be chatting to DH about this. I'd want to know what messages he's getting about how to be a good boyfriend.

4weeknoalcohol · 15/07/2023 22:03

Birthday or Christmas fine just a random gift no.

10HailMarys · 15/07/2023 22:05

Notmineagain · 15/07/2023 21:58

I don't think it's cute. He's a young child, why is he having girlfriends? 11yo aren't as naive as you think op.

My nephew had a ‘girlfriend’ at that age. They went to the cinema. One of his other aunties made some joke about snogging in the back row and my nephew looked at her as if she was insane, pulled a face and said “No? We’re only 11 innit, what’s wrong with you?”

It is normal for kids to have crushes on each other and announce they are are boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s really nothing sinister.

SkankingWombat · 15/07/2023 22:06

It's a bit more than I would expect on a random gift at that age/relationship stage, but it isn't outrageous. For comparison, my BF at the same age bought me a goldfish... We had no fish-keeping paraphernalia. I'm fairly sure my DM would have preferred I was given a (comparatively) cheap necklace! 😬

teacherteacherss · 15/07/2023 22:07

R

DoNotUnderstandWhy · 15/07/2023 22:08

That's a very adult gift for a childhood sweet shop crush.

Maybe you're uncomfortable because it feels a bit love-bombish. Like 'look at this amazing necklace I got you - now you HAVE to be my girlfriend because I've made this over the top gesture and if you reject me now you'll look like a bitch'.

I'm not for one minute suggesting that that is your lovely, sweet DS's thought process. But maybe it's triggering for you because you've been in that situation with That Guy before and you don't want your DS to be That Guy.

Going to the sweet shop sounds like an ideal first date BTW! I know I will be feeling all sorts of emotions when my baby boy starts dating. Bless you both.

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 15/07/2023 22:09

Go with your gut op

You are uncomfortable for some reason.

DutchCowgirl · 15/07/2023 22:10

If my 12 year old son did this i’d feel awkward about it too. But having said that… I have a silver necklace with a tiny silver football on it, and my “boyfriend “ gave it too me when I was 6 years old for my birthday . Who am I too judge😂

erral · 15/07/2023 22:16

I'd feel uncomfortable as a parent of the child receiving a gift of this value. It's a friendship between children and child appropriate gifts should be exchanged only. It's easy to get carried away when you are new to the 'dating' game lol. He sounds a lovely young man, teach him about small meaningful gestures.

Your DH has a lot to learn to, what was he thinking?!