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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and daytime sleepiness

30 replies

sleeeepy · 15/07/2023 19:30

My husband is always falling asleep! He thinks he's normal, I think it's weird

  • If we have a busy day (aka normal family day) he falls asleep as soon as his bum hits sofa. Today we went to a fete and he fell asleep as soon as we get home. He becomes very drowsy and relaxed then just goes to sleep. He's hard to wake up too, we have 3 kids running round and he's fast asleep!

-if he's a passenger in a train or car he sleeps within minutes, even if it's not appropriate

-if we are anywhere warm and comfy sofas, he's drowsy and falls asleep easily. Eg round my parents house or his grandparents

  • driving often triggers a migraine and fatigue afterwards
  • he does suffer awful migraines. These tend to be well controlled with medication but when they come they cripple him. He once went to a friends party and has one and slept in a friends bed from about 1pm to 9pm to sleep it off!
  • he does snore and has a blood vessel in his nose that obstructs his nasal breathing. It's been fixed once before but is back.
  • we have older kids and they sleep through the night (sometimes come in our bed, but we are far from the baby stage)

-he does have a partly active job (full time)

  • he often complains of feeling shaky at end of day and needs a chocolate fix to feel normal. He's been tested for diabetes all good. And thyroid too.
  • He sleeps from around midnight to 7:30am (longer at weekend)

I'm not sure all this is normal. He says he feels normal! Honestly I'm wondering about narcolepsy or sleep apnea

AIBU? He's got something up?

OP posts:
Weenurse · 15/07/2023 19:32

It does sound like sleep apnea.
Would he be open to a sleep study?

Elbowsandknees · 15/07/2023 19:35

Some people are genetically programmed to need an afternoon nap. Maybe he is one of these. People like this live 6 to 7 years longer if they are able to get their nap.

Nannyfannybanny · 15/07/2023 19:35

Sounds like either sleep apnea or diabetes
Both need investigation.

Original poster
sleeeepy · 15/07/2023 19:35

I wonder if a study might help get to bottom of this. Think I'll push for it to be honest. Even if it makes him realise he needs his nose sorting again!

OP posts:
Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 15/07/2023 19:37

I think going to bed at midnight is too late, definitely start getting to bed for 10pm and you will see a difference, if he needs 8hrs he's just making it up during the day. If I went to be 12-7am I'd be tired too !

Original poster
sleeeepy · 15/07/2023 19:41

That is a good point. We will try an earlier bedtime to see if that helps. We like to go to bed quite late because we are parents and the kids are often awake til 8:30 and we enjoy our time alone Smile (tv and exercise etc)

OP posts:
Borgonzola · 15/07/2023 19:41

Get him to do this:

www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/epworth-sleepiness-scale

Sounds like apnoea to me

Swg · 15/07/2023 19:42

The problem is that fatigue is a very general symptom and you need to work the way down slowly a list of possibilities before you find what's causing it. Low calcium and low folates are another two (I got diagnosed with folate deficiency recently and I was on my knees with it). After that it's through the list of autoimmune options and the big scary stuff. Definitely worth bugging a doctor with but he will have to bug.

Original poster
sleeeepy · 15/07/2023 19:44

@Borgonzola he scored 15 (which is moderate excessive) Shock

OP posts:
Borgonzola · 15/07/2023 19:45

Perhaps a trip to the GP then Sad

SophieSticated · 15/07/2023 19:49

I think going to sleep at midnight is too late. Everyone I know who goes to sleep that late needs daytime naps.

Octonaut4Life · 15/07/2023 20:14

Random question but does he drink enough water? When I'm dehydrated I don't feel thirsty but it does make me very tired. If I start feeling super sleepy during the day I know it's actually a sign that I should drink a large glass of water!

SprinkleRainbow · 15/07/2023 20:20

Get his B12, vitamin D and thyroid checked.

Badger1970 · 15/07/2023 20:25

DH has got the worst sleeping habits of anyone I've ever met, hence he's in the spare room permanently. He has at least 3 naps during the day, same as you've mentioned... bum + chair = zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. But he then doesn't sleep properly at night as he's not tired enough - he doesn't go into deep sleep before 4am, then he's groggy and tired at 7am when the alarm goes off.

He went to the GP but refused to take medication to try and get him into a better sleep pattern. He was diagnosed with afib last year though and I do wonder if it's due to his lack of proper sleep.

Orangejellybaby · 15/07/2023 20:38

You've just described my DH as he was one year ago. Every time he sat down he would nod off, he found it difficult to concentrate on staying awake even when driving. I knew this wasn't normal so made him go to the Dr's and he was diagnosed as having diabetes and a mild heart condition. He's on medication now and it's made such a difference. I'd really suggest you get your DH checked out just in case it might be a similar issue.

wp65 · 15/07/2023 20:40

SophieSticated · 15/07/2023 19:49

I think going to sleep at midnight is too late. Everyone I know who goes to sleep that late needs daytime naps.

But if he's sleeping midnight to 7.30am, that's 7.5 hours - plenty for the average adult.

shoes4life · 15/07/2023 20:41

My son scored 16 on that test. He's terribly tired in the day. Turns out he has enormous tonsils blocking his throat and making him wake repeatedly. He's now having them out urgently (he's 18)

Original poster
sleeeepy · 15/07/2023 20:43

@Octonaut4Life he does drink a lot. In fact, he is quite often thirsty. What he drinks is questionable. A lot of caffeine (coffee) and 2-3 cans of Coke Zero or Diet Coke..Plus water. He is completely alcohol free - hates the stuff.

I'm nagging him to call gp on Monday.

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 15/07/2023 20:54

If he has something blocking part of his airway then he's likely not getting enough oxygen to get decent sleep at night. So he needs to be sleeping for longer in each 24 hours, either with naps as he is currently or in on block just at night.

A sleep study would show the type of sleep he's getting and if it's the right proportion of deep sleep and dream sleep.

LMNT · 15/07/2023 20:56

It should like a combination of diabetes and obstructive sleep apnea.

Get him to the GP as quickly as possible.

Original poster
sleeeepy · 16/07/2023 18:29

So he did it yesterday and hes just done it again! On sofa and he's napping! It's insane. He goes all drowsy. Zero motivation for much. Sits down at 4pm and he's gone again

OP posts:
Weenurse · 17/07/2023 12:10

Good luck with the doctors appointment

Gruffalocrumble1 · 13/08/2023 16:07

@sleeeepy sorry I know this is from a few weeks ago but did your husband go to the GP?

mine is exactly the same and it’s starting to put strain on our relationship! I’m trying to get him to the Gp but struggling

Original poster
sleeeepy · 13/08/2023 16:35

Hello! My husband did indeed go to dr.

So far all they have done is run bloods to test for vitamin deficiency.

The more I think about it I doubt it is that. I reckon it is maybe sleep apnea or something like that. He doesn't do himself favours as he's not really into wellness... he's more into McDonald's and fizzy drinks Cake would be interesting if it changes if he looked after his diet and took a few early nights.

He's actually away at the moment for work. And the house is spotless! I'm keeping on top of everything. There is less arguing because I want us to do jobs and he's fallen asleep on sofa again. His pace of work at home is infuriating so it causes quite a few rows. Eg I'll ask him to run hoover round and he will stop half way through for a coffee. He only starts jobs after much nagging.

This week I've just got on with tasks quickly and efficiently alone.

OP posts:
Diddykong · 13/08/2023 16:39

Pursue the medical stuff but it could be he's drinking too much caffeine and that's keeping him up/making his sleep poor quality and so he's tired...so he drinks caffeine and the cycle goes on.

That and male entitlement that he can just fall asleep and let you deal with the childcare and house.

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