Wouldn't you want to tidy up your own bedroom after burglar or AIBU ?

[ablaaa]

We've been away and home has been burgled. Clothes everywhere etc. an absolute mess.

I would like to clean up my bedroom myself when I get back. But H is saying in laws should go and sort it before we get back.

Aibu, that I just want to clean up myself ? Especially my bedroom and clothes and that having other people go through it all again is just another violation ? I know they mean well of course but H thinks I'm absolutely ridiculous.

YANBU. Perhaps your husband is concerned that seeing it in a state will increase the trauma for you?

Completely agree it would be a further violation. Awful. You want to do it yourself.

Totally agree with you OP, so sorry this has happened to you

You are probably both upset and stressed. I understand that you will probably feel that it's better to be in control of sorting out your own things rather than your in-laws potentially making it worse, you are allowed to do whatever makes you feel best.

I've seen all the pics already. I don't think he's concerned about me at all tbh. I just think he thinks it will be easier for us not to have to clean it up ourselves. We'd also have to take the kids somewhere else to be looked after by a relative etc, until we have finished clean up.

Sorry you've been burgled. It's such an invasion and I didn't feel safe until we had alarms and cameras fitted after.

I know what you mean about someone else going through your stuff. It's like a double invasion. I was desperate to sort things out for myself after we'd been burgled. After the police has been it was part of reclaiming my home and seeing what was missing.

He says any other normal person would just let them take care of it. I've seen the pics, everything is everywhere. All my personal stuff. I don't want anyone doing it, not even my own parents. I would just rather do it myself.

You’re right. The only reason your husband wants someone else to tidy the mess is so he doesn’t have to watch the children.

If it meant my children won't have to see it, then I would agree to someone else doing it.

I would want to do it myself, but would put their feelings first.

Well I'm a normal person and I'd absolutely want to do it myself. It's my stuff and it's already been rummaged through by one person. I'd need to do it myself to put things right. In my head as well as putting things in their right place.(which the no-one else will know)

Sorry, pressed send too soon. I am so sorry this is happening to you. It must be awful.

I definitely don't want my kids to see it. I would organise it so someone has them until we've cleared it up. They're only small, so they wouldn't think it was weird to go to granny's for a bit.

The useful thing that the in-laws can do, is meet you ask from your trip and take the kids out for a nice time (or just to their house if that's their preference) son you can clear up working the kids seeing it all.

Pretty sure I’m normal(ish). There’s no way I’d want anyone else but myself doing it. As a pp said, it would be like a second violation of your privacy. I’m really sorry this has happened and probably spoilt you time away. He’s just being lazy and unthinking of your feelings. Even if it wasn’t how most people would feel (though I’m pretty sure it is) it’s still how you feel, and he should respect that.

I'd want to sort it myself too. Partly because you'll know where stuff goes. And tidying it up and sorting it is another opportunity when you'll notice anything else that is missing.

I know of someone who was burgled years ago, they didn't notice leather jackets were missing for months. And a holdall filled with stuff for a Charity shop was taken but the stuff put neatly on a shelf.

I would feel exactly the same as you.

Get the ILs to take the kids out for the day.

I think I’d rather do it myself too. I wouldn’t mind my mum or MIL just doing the absolute basics like sweeping up broken china or wiping up dirty marks left or something, but I wouldn’t want them going through my personal stuff even though they’re lovely people who I love and trust. Also they wouldn’t know where things are meant to go, so I’d just end up having to move loads of stuff again anyway.

Being burgled is horrible and invasive and I think a lot of people would feel like the clean-up afterwards is part of regaining control over your own space and privacy. I’m not saying everyone would feel that way (obviously your DH doesn’t), but I’m sure lots would and it’s definitely a normal reaction on your part.

There’s no right or wrong. It’s not wrong for him to suggest it or for your in-laws to want to help and it’s not unreasonable to sort it yourself.

I would want to do it myself too.

Sorry that has happened to you @ablaaa. Horrible to have to deal with.

I've been burgled.

It's horribly violating and makes you feel so vulnerable. It was one of the most frightening things I've experienced, we got home from a night out and our house had been ransacked.

After the police came in and basically ransacked it again, taking pictures and fingerprints, we were left to clear it up. It was very therapeutic to put it right, clean and tidy up, and restore my home to being mine. It didn't heal, but it helped. And as a pp said, it wasn't until I tidied up that I was able to see the small things that were missing, which might have been overlooked if someone else had tidied up for us. What with the unknown burglar (who was never caught) and the police, and nosey bloody neighbours, I wanted no one in my house at all for a while afterwards. Someone else coming in to my house would have been another intrusion, and just too much to bear.

Its your home, it's been violated, if you need to be the person to clean it up for your own well being, then you are absolutely not being unreasonable. If your dh allows your in laws to clean up despite your wishes, then, well I would find that very difficult to get past.

Sorry this has happened, and I totally understand your feelings re your bedroom/personal stuff/privacy.

I'd probably ask them to tidy the rest of the house though.

Yes that's what I'm thinking.

That’s what I’d go. Tell your DH - there’s no way I’d accept my in laws or anyone else putting my clothes away. No way.

They could tidy up the kitchen and living room if they wanted - but not the bedrooms . You are entitled to your privacy.