Wouldn't you want to tidy up your own bedroom after burglar or AIBU ?

[ablaaa]

We've been away and home has been burgled. Clothes everywhere etc. an absolute mess.

I would like to clean up my bedroom myself when I get back. But H is saying in laws should go and sort it before we get back.

Aibu, that I just want to clean up myself ? Especially my bedroom and clothes and that having other people go through it all again is just another violation ? I know they mean well of course but H thinks I'm absolutely ridiculous.

If you do it then you will know for certain if anything has been stolen.
Would you let your Inlaws at any other time go through your belongings ? No you wouldn’t.
I’d want to wash everything before putting it away too.

If they go in and tidy up won't it make it more difficult to identify what's missing? The process of tidying up might jog your memory that something isn't there.

If things are tidied away but not necessarily in the right place it could led to things being forgotten or you thinking something has been stolen when it hasn't.

I'm sorry to hear you've been burgled - it's a horrible feeling. I completely agree with you and I would hate someone else to clear up. Also, your mother in law isn't going to know if things are missing if she tidies up.

If it was my MIL- even if I told to leave the bedroom- she would have a good rummage in there also.

I'm sorry this happened OP. I completely agree with NOT letting someone else in. I would absolutely not want people seeing my period pants, lingerie, vibrator, thrush cream or anything of a similar nature. Plus- you'd have no clue where things has been put- so you'd have to rearrange all the drawers and cupboards anyway to find stuff.

Why can't the in-laws mind the kids in the garden/park/their home whilst you and DH tidy?

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I'd be totally ok with it, but accept it's a completely personal thing.

Yanbu, but speaking practically for me it depends where you are on holiday. If you're abroad and you're going to have a long trip home then the practicalities of having to send tired kids somewhere else and deal with it all on the day you get back just isn't sensible. If it's only a few hours drive away then that's a different story. So sorry it's happened op.

A couple of thoughts:

1. Is it that for him the upset is dealt with by having someone else deal with it?
2. As it's his parents having them tidy up is less of a violation?

For 1. perhaps the compromise would be for him to go to inlaws with DCs and leave you to get on with it

For 2. he needs to show a bit of empathy. Inlaws are not your parents and even if they were (weird!) you may not want them to see/go through your private stuff. Some people dont understand a desire for privacy.